Saturday, December 12, 2009

Chicago Charlie On the Market.

I applied to somewhere between 20 and 30 jobs this year, in addition to the 20 or 30 to which I applied last year. I don't know, because I am not very organized, especially as the semester ends (next week... and not a week too soon...), but it seems like I got more rejection letters last year. Not to say that I haven't gotten more acceptance letters, but for fuck's sake, I haven't gotten shit. Three, count them, three schools, have responded (one offering me an interview for another school somewhere between the Iron Curtain and the Tropic of Capricorn. In a place the government won't even let peace corps volunteers go. gulp). I can't yet find the country on a map... but I would go there regardless).

Anyway, is it too early yet? Are schools not responding either way yet? I get that they have a lot of applicants, yet somehow they never fail to send me that "This card is optional: tell us you're a white male so we can skip the whole reading of the application part (not that they're reading it that closely anyway, right?)" so why can't they take the time to send me another form letter about how great I am and there were just so many applicants blah blah blah. Its only human fucking decency, right? I mean, am I the only one developing a Pavlovian response to the mailman (and not the good kind) where I feel the adrenaline start to flow because maybe... just maybe... I don't even give a fuck if I get the job... just tell me one way or the other! The uncertainty, dammit!

It's the uncertainty that's killing me! Every time my gmail notifier dings to tell me I got a new message, I have mini-coniption... is it from a place I applied to??? No, Jimmy the fucking student moron with his paper (actual quote: The innermost zone of the final circle of Dante's Hell is named after the apostle Judecca, who was one of the twelve apostles who betrayed Jesus. Brutus and Cassius are also punished for killing Julius Caesar, founder of Rome." Actual quote. Actual quote. Perhaps I, in some former life, was on a hiring committee that never really bothered with sending back rejection letters and this is my Dantean punishment...).

I lost my job at Shitty College yesterday. Adjunct life, you know, easy come easy go. I am still teaching at Rich Bitch (read: Uggs, black tights, miniskirts, long T-shirt) University next semester, but here's the thing... the health insurance... you know? The health insurance. Shitty College gives us health insurance; RBU does not.

And I am an ill puppy. Genetic deformities and all. My health bills and medication easily exceed the adjunct pay Shitty College offers. And fine, at least Shitty told me I was not being rehired (we'll leave aside for a moment the hideousness of the adjunct system... don't even get me started...). What's a guy to do now? Back behind the iron curtain? Have textbook will travel? I hope I can at least afford the inoculations.