Monday, February 9, 2009

Decatur Dana, Who We Hear LOVES Both Her Moniker AND Her Photo, Spills Some Live Energy on A Recent Student Eval.

You prissy, petulant, privileged bastard. You do not even realize your own insipid idiocy. I just received your evaluation (yes, they're anonymous, and yes, we can tell):

This is my 3rd sem here, and Prof Dana is my least favorite teacher ever. She is very demanding and mean. She one time said to us "If you don't do yer work, you maze well stay home." SHE DOES NOT GRADE ON EFFORT! [double underlined for emphasis] She grades on if you write like she tells u 2.

Not only does your evaluation's tone imply that you think you have some kind of special importance to this institution's hiring and firing policies ("What? She's your LEAST FAVORITE? She's outta here!!"), but it presents as a scathing indictment what is actually just evidence that I am doing my fucking job. From your evaluation, one can gather that I: 1) expect students to do the work and contribute to class; 2) do not grade based on that which I cannot know, see, or touch (the ever-elusive "effort"); and 3) teach students about writing and expect them to use these new skills, evaluating them accordingly. So you see, you have just guaranteed that someone knows that I am doing what I should be doing. Thank you. But you are still one ignorant asshole.

I only wish that you would have had the chutzpah to say this to my face. I would have added that you in particular could fuck off, since the only thing you succeeded at during the term was being a constant, disruptive nuisance who made college-level teaching feel like the worst baby-sitting gig ever. You're used to teachers who give you grades for just being the childish, immature brat that you are. How dare anyone suggest that your mere groggy, glass-eyed presence and self-reported "effort" wasn't enough to earn you a pretty little A!?

You don't know why you're in college. You don't want to be in college. You do not have the intellectual ability or the drive to be in college. Please leave. Learn something. Read something. Or just go smoke a bowl in a basement somewhere. But don't walk around acting like you belong where you clearly do not. And by the way, you want to know what three of your classmates listed as the class's main weakness? You.