Thursday, August 21, 2008

"Dear Previous Proffie..."

I know you had my students in your class. I know you passed them when they did not deserve it, much like a second grade teacher will pass little Billy even though he can't read because they don't want him setting fires in the garbage can in the classroom anymore.

How do I know? I am so glad you asked! I know only five students in my class can read simple directions and only three of them can form a coherent sentence. Since this is not the obligatory "first" course every student has to take at this fine institution I know that this should not be happening. You failed your job as the gatekeeper. You are supposed to keep these retards out. (Gasp, did you just say what I think you just said?) I have said it before and I will say it again. Not everyone belongs in college. My current class is a prime example of this.

Being what I like to consider a reasonably intelligent adult I can tell the difference between lazy, ignorant, and just plain stupid. The ignorant I can deal with, they just don't know any better - yet. It is the lazy and the stupid I have little time for, as they either cannot or will not learn what I have to teach them. At first I thought that with a little guidance and patience my student's would improve. However with just three passing papers for the first written assignment (on a curve) I am coming to the realization that this just will not happen. When my little darlings randomly put words together in the middle of their paper and expect me to decipher the meaning it becomes glaringly clear that you, my dear previous professor, have put me in this position.

You coddled them, didn't correct their writing ability, and clearly did not enforce plagiarism rules. They believe they are prime examples of stellar academic abilities. Now it is my job to crush their dreams. Thank you, I hope you enjoyed your good performance reviews at the expense of these student's education; because I know my reviews will be going right in the crapper since I am forced to teach them what you did not - accountability!

PS: I am going to find where you live and beat you with their rolled up papers.