Sunday, August 24, 2008

Candace from Canton Lowers the Boom on Aruba-Bound Amanda. Yet Another Vacation Tragedy.

Dear Amanda,

Thank you sooooo much for e-mailing me several times over the summer. I am very glad that you took the time to read my "Auto Reply" that indicates that I won't be responding to fall semester e-mails until late August. Did you know that I don't get paid in the summer and therefore don't get paid to answer your e-mail until my paycheck starts up again? Silly me, for thinking that you would read the message (since you got one for each of your seven poorly spelled, all caps e-mails).

I know that your Previous Proffie was very understanding of your special circumstances, how kind of you to note that in your e-mails. However, I expect my students to show up to class, on time - particularly for the first week of class. I know how much you want to be in my've bought the books, you want me to send you notes and handouts, you're "ready and excited to learn" in my class. What I cannot understand is why you would think it's OK to miss the entire first week of a 5 unit class. I know you think that since you've e-mailed me many times explaining how you are special and bought your plane tickets to Aruba a year ago, but you see I have 80 other special individuals (plus waitlisted students and crashers) who will be in class on the first day with their books, picking up their handouts and actually taking their own notes during the first week that you "will miss but hope it doesn't impact your grade."

Well. my dear wonderful would-be student, it won't impact your grade. You see, you'll be dropped from my roster on the first day of class because you aren't there. I'm so sorry. I know that your life will be turned upside down because I don't understand how special you are. I know your Previous Proffie really went out of his way to not only let you miss class for a vacation last fall, but also provided you with his Powerpoint files and let you "make up the missed time" in his office hours. However, I don't use Powerpoint and use my office hours as a way to clarify and augment my lectures, not repeat them for absentee students. Clearly I am not as student-oriented as Previous Proffie because I don't realize how special you are and what an ASSet you'll be for my class this fall. I know, it's a shortcoming that I must work on within myself.

I sincerely wish you well in your future academic endeavors. Should you want to enroll in my spring class, please do so and plan on showing up on Day 1 and Every Day of class after that.