Monday, January 21, 2008

Proffie Poopiehead Has an Answer For Everything.

Exam instructions:
  • Don't ask us if the question and choices are written incorrectly. They're not, and if they were, the question would be removed from the exam marking scheme so don't bother worrying further about it, or planning on using it as the basis for a petition to drop the entire course without academic penalty after getting smoked on the exam. Answer the question based on the wording as it is stated on the exam.

  • Don't talk out loud about how you're answering the question, and then exclaim when we tell you to stop talking, "But this is how I do my work and concentrate better, by talking out loud to myself!" You should have told us beforehand that you were a psycho, we could have accommodated your special needs.

  • Don't use calculators, the exam has no math in it. Don't talk on the cell phone. Don't talk to your neighbour. Don't look at your neighbour's exam sheet. Don't pull out a dictionary in the middle of the exam. I don't know why official regulations require me to make pre-exam announcements like this, as if you came from high schools where exams were banned, and you're a rookie at this who wouldn't know any better if you hadn't been told ("What do you mean copying off someone else's exam is cheating?! No one told me that! Academic petition!").

  • When you are escorted out of the exam hall for a washroom break, don't suddenly run ahead of the escort and pass the regular washroom to dart into the handicapped washroom, slamming and locking the door shut behind you, and then take 15 minutes "to do your business," all the while exclaiming through the door "Just one more minute! I need just one more minute!"

  • When you get your exam mark, don't email me asking for a "do-over", because you got a low mark and you really want to get into med school. I don't want doctors operating on me and screwing up, and then suggesting that they get a 2nd chance to do the operation over again.

  • If you're going to email me stating "I'll do **ANYTHING** to get a higher mark on the exam", at least have the courtesy of sending a full-length photo of yourself so I can appropriately contemplate the merits of the request.

Cheers, and good luck on the exam!