Thursday, January 31, 2008

The First of a New Series. (Or A Blip That We Will All Soon Forget.) Laura Lasso Checks In.

Hi sexy beasts!

I'm Laura Lasso of the Michigan Lassos. We love us some edjucation, and as a longtime drifter in the academic world, I've developed a network of fascinating people at campuses (campii!) from sea to burning sea.

Once a week - unless I get bored - I'll bring you the coolest updates of Campus Haps, the inside dope, the running scared version of what's really going on, highliting the quirky, the funny, the unusual of what passes for campus life.

I'm doing it all for you. I'm bringing it to your web portal free of charge (for now). My goal, of course, is to work for The Onion, the only paper worth reading, and really the only website I spend any serious time studying. In fact, if anyone there at the RYS Corral can help me get an in with the Onion people, let me know immediately. What I have is pure gold, but as I say, I'd like to be paid for it, and your RYS schwag won't cut it. (But hey, was that Tony Banderas wearing one of those hoodies you featured yesterday? TOO SEXY!)

Okay, here's the first installment of my report. You can call it what you want, and you can provide the artwork. You must have a gnome or geek or goon there who deals with actualization. I'm about the words. And here come some that should sterilyze or paraylyze, depending on how far you are from your flattie.


from U of Mich - Hey, in Ann Arbor, they're celebrating "Goat Week," an unofficial student function where vanloads of upper classmen go to neighboring farms, steal goats from unsuspecting farmers, and then transport the goats to President Waffle's front yard. Oh man the hilarity is ratcheted up high.

from U of South Dak - The Chi Omegas recently started playing footbag inside, as a nod to the weather.

from Cornell U - The hotel management grad school students have switched from wearing pins that say "Hotel-ies," to wearing bandanas with a psychadelyc design and the words "Fuck Holiday Inn" on them.

from U of So Florida - Hey, all you So Fla Sooners need to try to register with Dr. Waffle for any of his English lit classes. In his office he plays killer tunes from Matchbox 20, Nine Inch Nails, mixed in with the occasional Tower of Power cut! It's a rockin' good time.

from U of Montana - Snowball fights at 4 pm behind Mitchell Hall.


Okay, that's it for now. Forward any love letters you get for me, and if The Onion calls, give them my cell number. I'm outie!