Monday, December 10, 2007

"Act that your principle of action might safely be made a law for the booty."

I have a surprise for you on this last day of class. I understand from a recent Newsweek article that your parents have been keeping journals for you *your whole lives,* chronicling the specialness you exhibit every single day.

To make the transition to college life easier, I have also been keeping a journal for each of you, all semester, recording the very very special things you do.

Ryan: Your first entry is on the first day of class, when you showed up a very fashionable ten minutes late, with a darling expression of pained boredom on your face. You seemed so above all this first day crap as you rolled you eyes at the syllabus. Unfortunately, I have no other entries for you, as you never appeared in class again. All I have are the precious assignments you submitted online. Apparently you thought this was a correspondence class. Isn’t that cute?

Megan: Your journal is quite full, as you have arrived to every class with so many wonderful things to contribute. Remember that time when you said,“Maybe, like, the Industrial Revolution had something to do with the political changes in the 1800’s?” I couldn’t believe the level of insight! And I’ll never forget the time when you compared Kant’s ethical theory to a Beyonce song. As you said, “They’re kind of the same, but different.”

Josh: I simply had to record your very first words. You did not speak until just before the first big paper was due, and I was worried that you might have some sort of developmental problem. But then you wowed me with, “Are you gonna be, like, real picky about spelling and stuff like that?” I was so proud of you! And that pout you gave me when I answered your question was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

Ashley: Your journal is a carefully assembled scrapbook, full of photographs that record the amazing variety of drool strings you have formed between your mouth and your desk. You are so creative! I hope you will all take your journals home to show to your parents, so they can put aside their worries that your professors are failing to appreciate your wonderful uniqueness!