Monday, December 10, 2007

Like This Person, We Learned Long Ago That the Cocktail Glasses Simply Aren't Big Enough Come Final Exam Time.

Yes, I realize that it has been a full 21 hours since you completed your final exam. Since I have no life outside of teaching intro-level courses to the children who weren't left behind, of course I have set aside most of my other responsibilities to focus on your grade, and your grade alone.

Could I have given it more time? Probably so. What was I thinking when I decided to sleep eight hours rather than staying up late to grade your ruminations on your belief that God has been thrown out of the public schools? And when I was enjoying my breakfast granola this morning, how could I not have pondered that perhaps the answer to question 35 could have been"b" rather than "d" if we look at your interpretation of the words "is" and "compelling state interest"?

At any rate, don't worry your pretty little head, because the registrar requires your grade to be submitted by close-of-business tomorrow. (Isn't it overly generous that they give me a full 48 hours to finish grading? Have your mommy call the dean to complain about that.) At that time, I'll post your grade in Blackboard just like the syllabus says, but I'm sure you'll still want to stop by my office to argue about the D you made on the first exam three month sago, or to insist that you should be allowed to turn in a research paper 6 weeks late without penalty.

Thank goodness I won't be on campus. I'll just be at home drinking and figuring out how to curve up your grade just enough so that you won't be in my course again next semester.