A point by point reply to the Top Ten Jackass:
- Research and writing are more important than students, because promotions, raises, and the ability to get competing job offers are all predicated on my publication record. There are exactly zero professional rewards or incentives for teaching at my university.
- I agree that students need guidance, but most students do not even want that. They just want to check the box, get their grade, and move on, which is why I am forced to make stupid rules.
- Can I get a hit off that crack pipe you are smoking? Our actual workload is the biggest misconception in circulation about the academic profession. When exactly do you think I get the time to do all that research and writing so I can get my raises and promotions? Not during the school year, when I have classes to teach, graduate students to supervise, undergraduate thesis students to watch over, exams and papers to grade, and committees to serve on. I do it during all that "time off" in the summer.
- If you'd like me to believe that there's a source out there that says degrees no longer matter, you will have to supply a more precise reference than cnn.com. See this is the kind of sloppy crap that gets you those Cs you undoubtedly get and so richly deserve. At any rate, I believe people with degrees still earn more over a lifetime than those without, pace Bill Gates (if you do not know what that means, look it up in the OED, jackass).
- I like my job. I even like many of my students. I just cannot abide whiny, misinformed, know-it-all little weasels with no life experience such as yourself presuming to lecture me on what the "real world" is all about.
- I will not speak for others, however, I bring all that work I do during the summer into the classroom with me every year. To be a productive scholar I have to keep up on what is going on in my field, which keeps the teaching fresh. From where you sit, you cannot see the effort that goes into it, but that does not make it any less real.
- Many students complain if they do not get power point slides in class, but next time they do, I will explain how you, in all your wisdom, taught me that it is a stale old tool for washed up fogies.
- Good luck earning your education on your own. When you are being interviewed for a job, be sure to explain why you, as an autodidact, are surely more qualified than all those other people with degrees. I'm sure the nice night manager at McDonald's will agree with you and give you the job.
- I would hope you do care more about your education than I do. I am paid to teach intellectual skills and impart specific bodies of knowledge. I certainly do not have time to care about your individual education, or any other individual's for that matter. If you do not care, then no one else will, or should either.
- I'm not good enough to do what exactly? I was good enough to get an advanced degree. I was good enough to get several job offers in my field. I have been good enough to publish peer-reviewed work. I've been good at lots of other things in my life. I was good at being an army ranger back when I did that. You, as far as I can tell, are only good at blowing hot air. Since you clearly have not the foggiest notion of what we do, your little whining jag does not really even sting. However, on behalf of professors everywhere, you can kiss my highly educated ass.
