Dear Miss M,
I have read your email, and I heartily agree--we should change your grade. Below you can see the particular arguments that motivated me to reevaluate your grade:
I did all of the expected work, recieved a good grade on the paper, and memorized my section and particated in a winning presentation.
Poor observation of reality, -10. Lines were not memorized, presentation was not "participated in" in any meaningful sense and class was not attended.
I could have gotten a D by doing nothing at all and it is really frustrating to try to enjoy Christmas when I'm stressed out over how this is going to completely alter my plans.
Overestimation of my interest in your personal life AND oblique insult (rare double whammy), -20.
It just doesn't seem fair to have to retake the course and do it all again, when I did it already.
lack of comprehension of how college works. undermines all credibility, -15
I don't want to make excuses or have anything handed to me, but I just feel as though I could have gotten a D by not even writing a paper or anything.
Poor reasoning, immediate contradiction of opening clause, second oblique insult, -20.
I honestly put a lot into this class by doing work and driving 3 nights in a row to practices from an hour away and paying for parking.
Mistaking this class for a correspondence course, -15.
I tried my best in this class and I feel as though I was graded unfairly especially after I was informed of other student's grades in the class.
Poor comparison with students who showed up, worked hard and didn't text message all class AND sad statement about your estimation of your own abilities (again lowering credibility), -10.
I know there is probably nothing you can do and I respect that, but I had to make an effort because this is my life that we are talking about here.
Massive hyperbole, -5 (and I'll spot you the third oblique insult).
If I have to retake this class then I have to drop my other class that is at the same time and I need that class because it is only offered certain terms and I was lucky to get into it this term, plus the reciation is during my other class so I will need to drop that as well and find something else to add and everything is most likely closed or will interfer with my work schedule.
Generally incomprehensible, -10.
This is just a huge mess.
Insightful reflection! +15 AND -50 for having the gall to write this pathetic missive over a grade in a class on PERSUASION.
You have learned nothing. I have adjusted your grade, however our current grading scale cannot accommodate your new score. You now have a "J+." You can use the rest of the break to figure out how to explain THAT to whatever organization was foolish enough to give you money while you stayed home rather than come to class and pay for parking.
Your Overworked and Underpaid Instructor