Friday, November 3, 2006

Someone's Fed Up, and When This Happens We Often Get a List

I like most of my students, really, even the lazy ones, the passive ones, the failing ones. It's the "I-pay-your-salary-with-my-tuition-so-please-me-you-academic-whore" students that I can't stand.

Such students are in the minority, I think. But they are a vocal minority. They speak, and speak, and speak. Not in class, of course. They are quick to spew their venom on
RMP. They have no shame in complaining to the Chair that they ONLY plagiarized one paragraph so should have a chance to rewrite. To these students, office hours are for challenging the generous "C" they got for writing yet another fascinating paper on legalizing marijuana. After all, why visit a professor except to enjoy a good moan?

Proponents of RMP say it equalizes the balance of power between student and professor. Well then, let's really play by the same rules in the classroom. In the spirit of fairness, let's all do the following:
  1. Roll your eyes every time a student asks, "Will we be tested on today's lecture?"
  2. Yawn overtly when you're bored by their amazingly thoughtful observation that morality is relative.
  3. Comment (under your breath but loudly enough to be heard) on how good or bad their asses look in those pants.
  4. Talk nonsense for the duration of the class period and inform them you met the length requirement.
  5. Check your text messages during their presentations.
  6. Complain about having to read all of their essays even though their writing does not meet the new academic standard of being "fun."
  7. Come to class with no notes, no ideas, and no shower.
  8. Nap during class, and tell your Chair that you were, per your obligation, present every day.
  9. Pay your little brother to write your lectures. Or better yet, just read something dowloaded from the web.
  10. Grade them on how cute and entertaining they were in class.
Fantasies aside, most of us will continue to rise above for the sake of the decent students.