Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Sensitive Sally - You're taking a class about the behavior of animals. Guess what, hun? Animals fight, feed, and fuck. You're little utterances of "ew" and "gross!" serve no purpose other than to draw attention to your pretty little face and oh so delicate demeanor that can't handle the vulgarity of animals having sex. But the way I've seen you after class in the hallway hanging off your boyfriend's arm and licking his ear with an absolute lack of modesty lets me know that you are quite aware of the more primal urges.
Smokey McSmokesalot - When you do decide to come to class, you come in with your own aura of poison stench. I think I got addicted to nicotine from sitting three seats down from you. Every time you ask an inane question, which you do at least once a class, the death-rattle in your chest makes me sick to my stomach. For the love of God, stick a patch on, clean yourself up, and enroll in a class you are actually qualified for.
Stewie Stinker - I have three classes with you. I know this not because I recognize your unshaven face or strange collection of DND shirts, but because of your stench. Your stench is so powerful that while you waste away in class it roams the halls, escaping to the streets where it terrorizes small children and cats. It is so strong that while I've endeavored to sit in a corner as far away from you as possible, I am still always aware of your presence in my vicinity. it is so strong that I'm going to buy soap pellets to pelt at you secretly and "accidentally" trip and fall while holding an open bottle of cologne.
Snotty Simpson - Going up to an organic chemist and telling him that you should get more points on your test because he "used an incorrect notation" and you "don't feel this is the proper way to write a line structure" is not only arrogant, foolish, and snotty, but extremely funny to watch as he flat out tells you that you are incorrect and you trudge out of the classroom. I'm sure having spent all of one week learning about these things you know better than the man who devoted his life to them.
Silly Susie - Funnier than the collective groan that occurred when you raised your hand today was the expression on your face when you whipped around to see who started it. Take a hint.