Saturday, October 25, 2008

An Old School Smackdown - Acrostic Style.

J - It's a shame you never came for extra help even though department policy allows for a partial letter grade bump at the end of the term if you just show up at the tutor's office for half of her sessions. You would have gotten that C you needed to escape ejection from the program for being on probation three terms in a row. The underclassmen were smitten with your upperclassmen worldliness and everything you taught them that you had learned your first time through chemistry. If you stuck around long enough to show them everything you managed to learn your first time through physics, you would have been their king by the end of winter term.

E - I hope you figure out that no matter what you're trying to get out of, telling all of the guys in your project group that you're on your period is a bad strategy. I really thought after the way they treated you when you announced your August billing cycle, you'd have remembered not to try that in September.

R - I'm sorry I was always squinting at you. It's just that the sound of your voice triggers a mental track of the Police singing "Canary in a Coal Mine" in my head, so I have to read your lips when you speak to me.

K - You're sweet and quiet and completely predictable - like a well behaved Samoyed. That's why I sort of feel a little bad for the day you grinned blankly at me while I waited for you to pick up your pencil and do the problem I had asked you to try. I shouldn't have told you to pick it up and do something with it before I picked it up and lobotomized what was left of you with it. You can't help it that you have a nine year old's grasp of math and a 4 year old's grasp of problem solving and that the state of Kansas did nothing to remedy that before they sent you to me.

S - I'm so happy you were failing at the beginning of the term - it gave me an excuse to sit you up front. And I'm glad you stayed there after you got a 92 - because the thought of your hot ass in the front row was the only thing that kept me from driving into a concrete barrier on my commute.