Thursday, April 17, 2008

Back Before We Became Boring and Pretentious, We Featured a Lot of Smackdown. In Fact, Our Heads Are So Far Up Our Asses, That We Almost Missed This!

H: You are a derailed keener. You want to be idolized as a deep thinker and brilliant mind, but it would help if you actually read the books we're discussing. I'm not an idiot. I know when you come out with broad statements about style or vague responses including the word "postmodernism" that you have not done the reading. Don't try to answer every question when you don't know what's going on. Oh, and stop showing up in your DIY clothes, smug smile, and air of entitlement.

R: Please shut up. Just stop speaking. No one listens to you, no one thinks you're funny, and you waste SO much class time with your tangents and stupid, unrelated questions. Who cares that the play you wrote last semester included a joke about the Cold War? So very clever of you to reference the political climate of the time in which your play is set.

E: Everyone knows you're lusting after the guy who sits next to you, but please stop giggling maniacally at everything he says and put the ass-crack away. No one wants to see your thong at 9 am and your cackling makes me fear that a den of witches is going to descend upon the classroom at any moment. Plus it's distracting. So stop it.

J: Seriously, if you roll your eyes again I will poke them out with my pen. It's not even your just your eyes; you practically roll your entire body. But guess what? You make more mistakes than most people in this class. It's not below you. I realize your sense of entitlement allows you to loudly interrupt the lecture when you don't understand something, and even almost-yell "No!" when someone presents a fact you disagree with.