Nancy from Niles on Being Responsible for Students.

Go ahead and call me a privileged whiner. I don’t care. I call my students snowflakes. I draft RYS-style smackdowns in my head all the time. I piss and moan right along with my colleagues about the entitlement, the whining, the grade-grubbing, the ‘is this going to be on the test’ question, and the general neediness of my students.

But I care about my students. I realize they are people too. I know all of their names (over 110 in an average semester). I work hard to keep up on the material in my ever-changing field. I try to be approachable so they can ask questions both in class and during my office hours. And I will always listen when they have problems – both personal and class-related.

I get involved if my students come to me for help. I’ve sent my fair share to the counseling center and have even spent an afternoon on the phone with the director getting advice on how to deal with a severely depressed student. I actually think I might get involved more than I should. I’ve shared personal information about myself to make a connection with those I feel are struggling and who will benefit from knowing that I’ve been there.

But don’t you tell me I’m supposed to be an instructor and a surrogate parent to all of the students who pass through my classroom. And don’t tell me I have to be responsible for their personal lives. I just can’t do it.

This semester I had a student I feared was close to suicide. She confided in me that, when she woke up in the morning, all she felt was despair. She wondered how everyone else got out of bed every day. She saw no purpose to life. I spent a lot of time in my office with her and on the phone with the director of the counseling center. I even broke down in my department chair’s office when both he and the director told me I did as much as I could because I was afraid it wasn’t enough. So I kept up with the student – probably crossing all sorts of boundaries – and convinced her to go see a counselor. She went and is actually doing better.

Know why I did that? It’s not because I think I’m a wonderful person and I wanted to pat myself on the back and say ‘look what I did’. It’s because for the first time in my relatively short teaching career, I had a student commit suicide last November. No warning signs, nothing. Just here one week and gone the next. In fact, administration didn’t even bother to tell me when they took him off my class list. I had to find out a week later when one of my other students emailed me his obituary.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, it changed me. I cried for days. I couldn’t think about or talk about anything else. I went over and over all of the interactions I could remember having with him. He was very intelligent and extremely outspoken so there were a lot of interactions to think about. But I came up with nothing. So, now that you’re stirring all that guilt back up, you tell me what I should have done. I only see my students for about three hours a week in a lab setting. What can I do?

I still have the paper I never got to return to him. I keep it in a file along with his obituary. Like I said, students are people too and the obituary will always be a painful reminder of that. But they are adults and I just cannot be responsible for all of them. There is a limit to how much responsibility I can take on without giving up too much of myself.

Two Voices on The Math/Humanities Divide.

"Or could it be that their objective, learning-oriented assessment technique allows them to just fail those who need failing, with a minimum of angst, and then move on?"

from RYS, Saturday, April 11

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

We have a winner!

The divine children of God in my humanities/social science-y courses are all innumerate as well as illiterate. How can I tell? They have no clue what grade weighting is. They cannot add their scores together to come up with a total to compare to the chart in their syllabus (because once I knew they couldn't weight their own grades, I moved to a total-point system). They cannot calculate ratios or fractions or comprehend the deep, esoteric mysteries of the decimal point. (I won;t evn mention the controversy of "rounding up.") They also cannot comprehend any grading scale other than the the 100-point scale (which is why they pitch conniptions if they earn a zero, which is not quite as deadly if you use the 4.0 scale).

I am sure they bitch and moan and whine and beg for "partial credit" from their math-centered courses, but the math proffies know all they need to do is give an approved test for basic skills, which, if snowflakes fail, there's little recourse other than accept their innumeracy and re-take the class. There's little chance of the outcome being that Mathie gets accused of hating little Snowie in course evals or a grade grievances. Also, many students openly admit they have poor math skills. Few of them can accept they're functionally illiterate. They read and write everyday online! How can they be illiterate?! It doesn't matter if they can't use a comma properly even once in a paper. Or couldn't find a thesis statement if it were bold-faced, italicized, and labelled for them. And proper spelling is just nit-picking.

Of course, most of them also think algebra is irrelevant. As irrelevant as knowing the difference between "definitely" and "defiantly." As irrelevant as knowing the phrase is "taken for granted" and not "taking for granite." We won't even mention the number of times they confuse to, too, and two. Those are just typos! You knew what they meant!

[*]

As much as I despise the divide between the arts and sciences and long for the days of the Greek philosophers who studied politics, drama, and biology, the very nature of the *humanities* means that we are teaching our students what it means to be a human being, and humane. It means we are concerned with teaching students to be engaged in all that it means to be humane. In order to do this, our work is , of course, less "objective, learning-oriented assessment technique" and more subjective. Thus, we are more likely to engage in the anguish of dealing with snowflakes who appear unprepared to engage in this society.

For those who think that we have it easy in the arts and humanities, think again. Our work is just as demanding, just as rigorous, and requires a depth of cultural literacy that only comes from years of reading, writing, and engaging in discourse. We cannot simply send students home with problems to solve, and then show them the 'right' way. We must teach them to uncover their 'right' solution. If they do not bring any basic cultural literacy with them, our job is nearly impossible.

I say we should remove this false division between the humanities and the sciences. How much more fruitful would be our work if we could engage in study as the Greeks once did.

Sublime Sally and Ridiculous Rico Weigh In on Shermie and His Fat Fear.

I confess, Shallow Shermie's letter hit a nerve.

I'm a graduate student, and a TA, and have every intention of chasing after that elusive TT job. Despite the odds, I have every reason to think I have a great shot at it -- I'm in a highly regarded program, have gained the respect of prominent faculty members, hold a big multi-year scholarship, and, hopefully, will have soon have at least a couple of publications under my belt.

The problem? Mine is a big belt. 300-plus pounds, just like much of the rest of my family, from whom I've inherited this gene-set, in spite of a reasonably active lifestyle and years of near-ascetic eating habits. Yet how many fat profs have you met? Especially female ones?

Yes, indeed, students often disrespect 'overweight' profs and TAs, as they disrespect instructors of colour, female professors, openly gay teachers, and so on. But we'd be aghast -- I hope -- were anyone to suggest that the solution for members of the latter groups to be (or appear) 'less' of any of those things. It is imperative that we fight against fat prejudice, as we do racism, sexism, homophobia, and the like, by openly discussing it with our students, and by critically examining the ways in which fat-hate suffuse the culture, the curriculum, and the institution.

I still hope to be a TT prof someday. But it's unlikely to happen without a united effort by educators of all sizes to call out and end body-based discrimination in the academy. Help us out here, Shermie.

[*]

I can see it now: Shallow Shermie will be taken to task by dozens of RYSers just for saying what we’re all thinking.

I mean, let’s be honest here. Getting fat IS more dreaded than not making tenure, not getting a job to begin with, being wrongfully accused of misconduct by crazy students, having one’s address on file with the fraternity brats, being shot at school, or any other professional risk. If we don’t dread it for our own sakes, we should dread it for our students’; I mean, how do you think our wonderful scholars feel when they drag themselves up to the university one day out of every five, and then see a “slob” standing there waiting to lecture? It’s not fair to them. It’s also not fair to the university, which spends millions on ornamental shrubs and floor wax, all because the university knows what really counts in any college experience: the aesthetic quality of one’s education.

I know I’ve been inspired by Shermie’s honesty. Bu t in the proud tradition of pissing-contests everywhere, I’d like to say I’m taking it farther. Since we all know that students respond best to the white, male, tall, fit authority figure with a Midwestern accent, I have decided not only to lose weight, but also to have a sex change, get one of those operations where they break your bones and use rods to force you to grow taller, and hire a dialogue coach.

Anything, ANYTHING is worth it, just to fit in with the cool ki…erm, I mean, to make sure I give my students the optimum opportunity for growth. Why, maybe if we all learn to blend in, like Shermie suggests, we can make sure that all of our students turn out to be just like him! I know that’s my goal for when I grow up. You know, maybe if I’d done this before, I’d be employed as we speak! The only thing I regret is that no one told my colleague in the wheelchair that he’s right out of the running for professorship; he’ll never fit in--I mean, gain respect—if he isn’t exactly what our wonderful Mensa-minds think he should be.

Thanks, Shermie! Because of you, I’m going to go from being a hu-manatee (get it?) to being the hegemonicallyapproved vision of professorial leadership. Now, with all that surgery, it’ll only take roughly $1,273,583 (counting recovery time-off). I have…$2.50. Ok then; I’m on my way.

Partially Protective Patrick from Portage La Prairie Proffers Some Prose on Putting Down the Grading Pen.

There is no inherent connection between educating and grading. Outside of the university or college setting, people learn things every day without being graded. They learn those things because they simply want to learn them.

Grades only matter in the university setting because people want credentials at the end of their university experience. That would not be so bad if I thought that students wanted something more than credentials - that they actually did want to learn something just for the sake of learning it. I don't believe that.

I believe that students just want the credentials, and they could not give two shits if they ever learn anything in my classroom. They just want the grade, and that means they see me as just a grader, and not an educator.

By refusing to grade, Jen from Jonesboro indeed makes a statement - she says, "I am, first and foremost, an educator. I want to teach you, and I want you to learn, just because learning will enrich your life."

Does that mean I think that we should all just forget about the grading? No. I cannot reconcile that view with the fact that we are hired to be graders - deliverers of credentials. I must admit, too, to shameful bursts of optimism, that, somehow, someway, a student will one day look past the grade I put on her paper, look at the comments I put on it, and actually (if only accidentally) learn something. But I can have those thoughts without condemning Jen.

Shallow Shermie from Shreveport Weighs In On The "Fear" Game.

You know what? I'm a shallow, grade-A ass. Judgmental, backwards-thinking, etc. And I'm just asking for a shit-ton of smackdown by writing this. Sure. Whatever.

Because you know what my biggest fear as a proffie is? Getting fat.

Seriously. I've almost always been a fit, healthy person. I eat generally healthful foods, walk or bike to campus more often than not, work out a few times a week. But save perhaps for traipsing around in some exotic fieldwork location (hah!), it's not like we live the most active lifestyles. We do a lot of sitting at our desks. Reading, writing. So I'm afraid as the years trudge onward, I'll lose all self-discipline and turn into a lumpy, gross, unhappy blob.

What in the world does a health-related issue have to do with fears as a proffie? It has to do with the ugly reality that appearance does affect the way students and colleagues treat people. (See, eg, the MSE/clothing debate) And don't think you've never seen the way snowflakes sneer at, talk about, and generally disrespect overweight [or anything they deem unattractive or fugly] profs.

By all means, we're here to teach, and I'd also rather be paid attention to because I'm, you know, brilliant, and not because I'm the hottest professor who's ever stood before their bright, glistening, oogling eyes. And blah blah blah, I'm playing into and perpetuating the discourse by voicing this anxiety. (And for the record, I've seen women, especially, take this anxiety overboard and become truly unhealthy; anorexia is not a joke.)

But my greatest fear is being disrespected because of the way I look, and frankly, my insurance is too shoddy to pay a shrink to help me "work through" this. So pardon me, I'm off to the gym.

Sheldon from Sherbrooke Shoots Some Smackdown Our Way...But Saves One Surprise for the End.

So tired of it I'm apathetic, but not too tired to abstain from passive aggressiveness (these are all from the same class):

Ms. Got Through Life Blonde: Oh, I see you've come to my office hours one hour before your presentation is due to say that you have a hard time presenting. Wait, after talking with you it seems you are afraid you'd pass out because you actually haven't done the work (thanks for the honesty of admitting something that I knew already) and would be too embarassed to present. I see you are batting your eyelashes and smiling at me. Oh, I see you also seem to think that coming to about 30% of the classes (not that I am judging) is something I may have missed. Or, more appropriately that by being "cute" you will pull the wool over my eyes. Perhaps it's worked for you your whole life so far. Oh, wait, your flirty manner will excuse how you didn't do one of the weekly assignments? You'd like some special treatment? Because why? Because you are blonde and "hot" and I happen to have a penis? Sorry, I'm not interested. Take this D and get out of my face. And yes, a D is worse than an F. Why you ask? Because an F says I care enough to deal with the bullshit of you complaining or whatever stunt you will pull. Whatcha gonna do about a D, huh? I thought so.

Mr. Economics: So... you've never done a paper in this discipline before. Hmmm... you weren't there on the day that I spelled out what I was expecting on the paper proposal? That excuses this pile of crap you're wondering why you got an F on? Interesting. But you seem so engaged now that you are in my office hours. Sure, I'll spend and hour and a half explaining as much as I can for you and helping you craft your topic and thesis. Sure, why not get a second chance at the proposal. Oh, excellent! I look forward to your paper so I can see how I have made a difference. Oops! A copy and pasted, badly plagiarized final paper? Awesome! My favorite! At least you don't blame me for your F and still smile happily and say "Hi, Professor!" around campus. No bs, it's kind of refreshing not to blamed for a student's crap.

Ms. I Don't want to be here: Who are you? Are you in my class? Oh! right. Hmmm... didn't recognize you because you never show up. Oh, some help with the paper? Sure... A half hour later, and I look forward to reading your paper. Interesting topic. Nice. At the next department meeting, I am warned that you may only be here to get away from your parents and that you are a problem plagiarizer. Well, I will reserve judgement. Awesome! You didn't plagiarize in an obvious way! Instead, you used one source and basically summarized the one argument from that text, mis-labeling page numbers and other innocuous forms of bad citation. Nice. You and Blondie should get together and talk about how neither of you handed in any of the weekly assignments and are both sharing the same grade! Life is awesome for you.

But to make up for it:

Ms. Studiously Intriguing: Random references, on topic, to BDSM, yaoi, anime and a host of other fascinating cultural topics that you somehow make relevant to class material? Who knew it was possible? Wait, you are not a major? Hmmm... and you surpass all the majors in class because of your hard work and diligence to make yourself knowledgeable about the topic? And you get the material and challenge yourself to go beyond it? What? Why aren't you in all my classes? A is made of Awesome!

Jesus Told Me To Tell You to Suck an Egg.

Hi, I was registered in your philosophy of religion course and dropped It later on. I am watching the DVD. It is purely about things like Jesus, or based on the Bible. I'm not sure if a historical account of the Bible really has anything to do with Philosophy of religion in the context it is discussed.

The course pack talks about other arguments for the philosophy of religion, and they are not included in the "comprehensive" DVD. (I am not talking about the "evolution" DVDs. I am wondering who chose these dvds and how they came to be a part of the group.)

It is interesting content, nonetheless, however, I do not think that this is really explaining philosophy of religion, more than it is explaining life of people from history in relation to the Bible, or biblical surroundings.

I took the Jesus of Nazareth course, and this would probably apply more to that, so I'm not sure if the DVD got mixed around. I am concerned at the quality of courses at [our university] and have seen things explained wrongly, or applied wrongly, in many courses, meanwhile spending my money on these things that i don't think have been put together properly.

Excuse my pessimism, but i am aware of what philosophy of religion is!

Terrible Tahoe Tito Tears It Up with some Old-Time Smack.

A - We’re in an evolution class. Eyes are adapted to catch small movements. So when you hand your laptop to students down the row to check out that sweet YouTube vid, I notice, and it is annoying as hell. One more time and it’s going to be a bad day. Grow the fuck up.

T - You have a wife and two kids, are maybe 23 years old, are taking 21 credits, and work from 3:30 to 9:30 AM? Sounds like taking this class is not the first bad decision you’ve made. Just because you’ve fucked yourself doesn’t entitle you to quiz points in my class. Plus, you’re failing almost every other part of the class, so I might worry about those 800 points before you worry about the 100 from quizzes. Groveling for these points with interspersed reminders about how you are a paying student who deserves an education just like everyone else and that you need this class to graduate is not helping. You have two kids at home; they need a semi intelligent person as a dad. Grow the fuck up and get your priorities straight.

B - It takes balls to show up 45 minutes late to class, tell me you ‘spaced out and forgot’ you had class, mention you knew there were attendance points given out, and ask if you could have them anyway. You’re an athlete. When they say leave it all on the court, they didn’t really mean common sense and discipline; you can keep those for later. Grow the fuck up.

R - You mouth breathing, incompetent, arrogant tool of a human being. Your piece on how nuns are false prophets is demeaning to other students, unless they realize, like me, that you obviously don’t understand what a prophet is. Swearing in these essays does not make your point better. Act like a professional. While I said further writing like this would result in formal disciplinary action, what I meant to say was if I catch it again I’m going to kick your ass. Grow the fuck up.

W - What part of don’t bring metaphysics into evolution do you not understand? You are making more work for me and it is not endearing. Grow the fuck up and pay attention.

M - You are obviously a bright student who wants to think critically, but your incomplete views have led you to some extremely warped and troubling conclusions. Please try to get the full story before you take Ben Stein’s word that we ostracize those not like us. You could be brilliant.

Froderick Takes Time From the Lab to Weigh In On the Male Student Egomaniac Dynamic.

Sexism should be inexcusable, and the dominance games that Nila mentions belong in a troop of monkeys. In the physical sciences and engineering, however, "male student egomaniacs" are extremely common, even when the instructor does fit the "traditional" professor profile, of being a tall, white, hetero male with a loud, American-accented voice, like me.

What's the matter, haven't you ever seen the TV show, "The Big Bang Theory?" The real world is more up to date than the show, however: females of this obnoxious species are becoming increasingly common in my physics classes. I'm not so sure we should consider this "progress," of course: it would be better if all of them had good manners.

Harold Urey, a Nobel prize-winner in chemistry at the U. of Chicago in the '50s, used to call this "the Old Gunfighter Syndrome." By this, he meant that if one of these students could prove him wrong about anything, no matter how trivial, it would be perceived (it's unclear by whom) that all the Nobel laureate's prestige would fall onto the student. Urey said this was annoying, but it could be useful, for getting these students to work on interesting problems---or to read the textbook, as I often encourage mine to do.

Students like this try my patience too, but remember that both Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison were booted out of school for asking their teachers too many questions they couldn't answer. Sometimes, if they have any substance and what they do isn't wholly posturing, students like this can help you: if they really are as good as they think they are, your class notes will be thoroughly proofread after they're through with your classes.

They sure beat the lazy, dead-eyed, mouth-breathers we so often complain about!

Norm the Newbie from North Dakota On Hiring Shenanigans.

I may just be hopelessly naive, but I'm disgusted by a recent hiring decision made at my college.

I was asked to be the one 'non-departmental' member of a hiring committee in another department that happens to house offices near me. It was a casual offer, but the workload wasn't casual.

As this is only my second year on the job, I take all of my duties pretty seriously. The position had been advertised nationally and we had received more than 200 applications.

I spent the better part of two weekends going through the nicely prepared folders, letters, writing samples, vitae, etc. As asked, I came up with my top ten list and as a group we chose 4 candidates for phone interviews.

I attended 3 of these conference calls, made my notes, made my recommendation and then heard nothing for a few weeks.

When I spotted the committee chair the other day on campus I asked where the process was, who would be coming to campus and when.

The chair looked at me bemused and said, "Oh, we just hired 'Glen.'"

Glen's been a non-tenure-track member of their department for 3 years, apparently a good guy, a real cut-up at faculty meetings - he occasionally comes in carrying various odd totems, a lacrosse stick, a Dr. Seuss hat, etc.

The search chair kept up his walking and I was left standing in the snow wondering about the work that had gone into this hiring. Not just mine, although I found it hard but interesting work. But what of the applicants, those folks from Michigan and Connecticut and Texas. People with Ph.D.s (unlike Glen), people with families and dreams and in some cases books, lengthy publications, vast experience, etc.

What about those folks? How would they feel to know that our committee acted out a little fiasco in order to give Glen the job they all thought they were applying for.

It's shameful, these shenanigans. I'm less of a newbie than I was a little bit ago.