Monday, October 26, 2009

"I Don't Want to Be a Snowflake." Sheldon the Student Is Sorry.

I don't want to be a snowflake. I really don't. (A lot of my friends are professors or instructors, and so I hear that side often.) But I can't seem to help it. Psychologically, I mean. Every time I start out strong, read the books before the quarter starts, keep up with the readings for a while...and then fall behind. I read slowly, and so it's hard to do it all (what with work, workouts, sleep, and all the rest of the usual excuses).

And then there's writing. Usually when I write I can do so at least decently--though, I haven't had real feedback since about 8th grade, so this whole revising thing? Not so much--but I always have trouble writing. Always. And then when I can't write, when I sit there for a week with a blank page (yes, I've tried the usual tricks) even about a subject I know--everything hits me. Again. And every time I have a paper to write, even on a subject I understand in a class I love--I get suicidal. Gotta love it.

So I guess here's my question. If I don't know how to not be a snowflake ("there is no try." For me, there's also no "do."), should I be in college? Or should I just give up properly, drop out, and at least not put profs through this whole student-shows-up-to-class-but-doesn't-turn-in-work jazz that I'm sure y'all love so much? I rather doubt the job market would be easier on my depression, though I suppose it might be as at least I wouldn't have to think, but at least I wouldn't be contributing to the ruin of education, as I love learning so much that I don't want to make it worse for anyone. So yes, thoughts? I guess, would you like to have someone in your class who learns but can't show it, for lack of better wording?

Anyway. Thanks for any response, at all. I'm going to try to stay alive now for the rest of the day--if I'm really lucky I'll manage to keep myself from flunking this class, but I rather doubt that.