Sunday, October 4, 2009

Buttoned Up Brenda From Brooklyn Bitches About Bonking.

As a former dorm resident, the sex lives of my roommates was a frequent annoyance. Just about every roommate I had, except "the virgin," thought it was okay to bang away while I was trying to sleep only a few feet away. Even that year that my roommate and I decided to have an 'open' layout instead of using the furniture to create a de factor room division. The open layout meant our beds were just a few feet apart and there was absolutely no privacy. That didn't stop her from banging a series of men while I was trying to sleep.

I spent so many nights sleeping on the sofa in the communal lounge because my roommates couldn't restrain themselves. And, I made it as easy as possible to find some alone time by posting my class schedule on our dorm room wall, so all they had to do was find a time when I'd be in class and they could bang away happily. Or they could have waited until the weekends, when I was at my boyfriend's house. There were plenty of times they could have had hours and hours of sex without me in the room, but they were too selfish to do so.

Things haven't changed much in 15 years. I recently spent a weekend at my old college roommate's house, and we went to a bar, where she picked up a guy and brought him home. I had to get up early for a seminar the following morning, and I begged her not to make a huge racket and keep me up all night. But she did anyway, with hours and hours of incredibly noisy sex that I could hear way downstairs in the living room, which was as far away as I could get from her bedroom.

Now, I'm sure I'm a gigantic prude, but I'd never have sex with a third (unwilling) person in the room, and if a friend from out of town had to be up early the next morning, I'd make sure to either refrain from sex, or else do it really, really quietly so as not to deprive them of their sleep. I guess the difference between me and all of my friends and roommates is that I can abstain from having sex, maybe not forever, but certainly a few hours or even a day, until the unwilling third person no longer has to be subjected to the annoyance of my sex life.

And it appears that all my friends and former roommates can't abstain from having sex no matter who else is inconvenienced by it. Which is fine, but that kind of sexual behaviour is indistinguishable from dogs in heat.