Sunday, October 5, 2008

Missy from Montauk Celebrates Our Brilliance, and then Pays Tribute to the Dunce-itude of Her Young Charges.

God, I love RYS. It is a shining beacon of hope akin to that which I usually find at the bottom of my vodka/tonic-filled glass. Okay, so I’m not an English Professor – cut me some slack. All of this is beside the point – I’m here to RANT!

So, why are the students at my (almost) top 50 nationally ranked college such dumb shits? They come from an area which (supposedly) has one of the best public school systems in the nation. But it seems like they are not even capable of wiping their own asses without being told how to do it.

Asshole Category
Runner: At this point I am willing to sacrifice my ever so precious success on my evaluations and your malignment of me on the website that shall not be named just to make the rest of your semester an absolute living hell. You emailed the professor of the class (I’m but the lowly TA that has to deal with you) and told the professor that his class was boring! And you gave him what I assume were incredibly insightful suggestions to improve his class. Like, don’t answer questions from anyone, because everyone’s questions are dumb and are a waste of time (not his exact words, but you get the point). Then, you have the nerve to come up to me after class, and proceed to quibble with me on almost every single point of your exam. You even tried to get points back for an incorrect MULTIPE CHOICE QUESTION. Balls. You said, “Well, according to my interpretation of the question, this was the correct answer.” And I said, “Well, your interpretation of the question is incorrect, and your answer is (still) incorrect as well.” Then I ask, “How many of the short answer questions do you want to discuss with me?” I knew I was in trouble when he smugly spat back at me, “ALL of them.” He continued to condescendingly glare at me for the next 20 minutes while I explained to him where and why I took off points for each question. He wouldn’t let up and kept repeating the same question about why he had points taken off all of those word vomit salads of his. It got to the point where it was obvious that his strategy was just to harass me for so long that I would eventually cave in and give him extra points to make him go the fuck away. But FUCK THAT. I will not put up with the bullshit sentiment from a freshman nose picker that I can be BULLIED into giving higher grades because you are a man and I happen to be a woman. And yes, please go talk to the actual professor to “discuss” your grades. He has my back and is going to tear your arrogant little ass a new one. Especially after you have emailed him to tell him that his lecture is boring.

Dumb Category
C for Clueless: Good Lord. Really? Really? You are really volunteering this information to me? You come up to me and tell me that you have not been in class for the last MONTH because you were going to the wrong room and sitting in on a criminology class. How the FLYING FUCK did you not realize for a month that you were not in the philosophy class that you had signed for? God. EITHER you are plumbing the horrifically deep depths of dumb, OR you think that I’m a complete moron who will not see through your ridiculous lie. ALTHOUGH, at least you are not worse than the student I had who told me that he did not come to class (at all) for the first 3 weeks of the semester because he couldn’t find the classroom. Lucky for him, I took him at his word because he was, after all, a computer science major.

Redemption (groan) Category
Felicia: After the complete verbal abuse I enjoyed thanks to one of your classmates, the way you approached me was respectful and your attitude did not seem to need any adjusting. You are the type of girl who got alllllllllllll A’s in high school and now that you are in college and completely BOMBED your first test, you are shocked and destroyed. I could tell this by the complete and utter (uncharacteristic) silence from you for the rest of the class after the tests were handed back. You came up to me after class and what did you do? Well, you asked me if I had time to talk to you about your test. I said yes, and we went to my office. You then told me, “I sucked, and I want to get better.” No scrounging for extra points, no complaining that I graded unfairly, no sucking up to me by telling me how interesting and important the class is to you. You just straight up wanted to know what to do to get a better grade. And so I told you. And hopefully you will get higher than a 45% on the next test.