Thursday, September 18, 2008

Short. Not Too Sweet.

  • Okay, I get it. You have a slamming iPod. It's white and shiny, both. It's loud as shit, too, because of those 70s style cans you like to wear. I'd be more impressed if what I heard out of your ear wash was actually music. That noise of yours is so detestable, that even if it were a reasonable volume I'd find a way to hate you. Oh, and do you really think I'm going to actually fucking WAVE at you every time I start class so you can unjack from the groovy tunes? You know what? Sometimes when you're bopping your head and we're just getting started, I call you "Toad" instead of Todd. Your classmates think it's a scream.

  • know what i love? the delusional sophomore that just told me he wants to publish such and such paper. it was maybe a generous 'C' essay at best. like it's so easy, right? we didn't have to earn our jobs or write for years, progress through grad school, maybe pick up a publication there if we were lucky. but hey, i think i'll just send this one on the side of my desk off too. because i want to get it published. i had no idea it was so easy, and that is seriously frustrating me right now. you know what, fuck all this writing anyways. i want to be president. i think i'll see about doing that.

  • I am told that some of my students don't like me because I set standards in my classes and require students to meet them. They chafe at being required to come to class. They hate it that if I give them time to work in their project groups, and they leave early, I mark them absent. They dislike weekly quizzes, homework to present in class, and all other forms of evaluation. Well I have news for them. My job is not to be their friend. My job is to educate them. The techniques that I am using are generally regarded as good methods to accomplish that. It is not the students who will decide whether I have a job here next year, and that is a good thing.

  • You blew it. When you came in — after one lousy test — to tell me how unclear everything is, how you don't know what I want, and how "a lot of people" feel the same way, you blew it. Even as you said that it's not about the grade, you made it clear that it's about the grade. And your decision to present yourself as spokesman for the class (or some part of it) was ill-advised. What makes you think a professor would see that move as anything other than polite intimidation? What I want is for people to do the work, all of it, and learn something. "A lot of people" ask that of their students.

  • I am thinking of making 75 copies of my syllabus for every 20 person class. That should work out just about right. "I lost my syllabus." "I don't think I got one on the first day." "My roommate thought it was junk and tossed it." Instead of reasoning with them like adults, I'll just keep pulling them out of my briefcase till they're gone. Then if I run out before the final exam, I'll just quit. Sounds like the best career plan I've had all year.

  • You think I'm looking for your weekend plans in an email? Just because you HAVE my email doesn't mean I need to hear from you. Sure, you sometimes slip a class note in there, like "whenz the paper do," etc., but last night you simply told me you were checking out some "blazin new klub." I really don't need this info. In fact I want to scour it and you from my memory, and as soon as I get this bottle open, I'm on my way.

  • You don't like it here, right? I think we got it the first 100 times you sighed. Listen, I didn't create "college" just so it would annoy you, so deal with your attitude at home or wherever.