Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Bertlemass from Boston Gets a First Day Beat Down. Is Now an RYS Believer.

Okay, I give.

I taught my very first college level class today, and I'm here to say that all the hyperbolic venting and shit-throwing on RYS is absolutely true. I prayed it was all just a ruse, just a smokescreen to keep the weak ass shits out of academe.

But it's not, at least not based on my first day.

I'm not a college romantic. I don't have the Dead Poets Society kinda vibe in me. I wasn't looking for applause or respect or love on that first day.

But, tell me, am I wrong, am I completely crazy, or are all of the freshman students complete fucking retards?

My mama didn't raise me this way; I shouldn't use that word. But nothing else fits? Brain-damaged? Is that it? Have they all been locked in a room that's been freshly painted?

These are things I was asked today in class:

  • Are you a Mr. or Mrs.?

  • What days do we get off for "spring" break?

  • Do we have to take all of the mandatory tests?

  • The syllabus says essays have to be typed. Where am I going to find a typewriter?

  • Do you have a website with all of the test answers on it?

  • How do I call you on the phone? Your phone number is ext (dot) 1123. Is that enough numbers?

  • Can you spell your name on the board. The way it's on the syllabus must be a typo. There are too many "vulls."

  • I heard that some classes have class parties on Fridays. Do we do that?

  • If this class just meets Tuesday and Thursday what do I do on the other days?

There were some others, but I've blocked them out. It all went a little black there at the end. My head was spinning after about 30 minutes of class so I just let them all go.

Jesus on a Pony! What am I going to do? Do you know how long I spent getting ready for this day? Half of grad school is over and I know I'm fucked. This can't be what it's like. Am I being Punk'd?