Friday, May 9, 2008

Samantha from Syracuse Sends In Some Smackdown.

L - What's the word I've seen used on this forum that describes you? Oh yeah: yummy. You're also rather bright compared to most of your sorority sisters. You always smile and flirt with me when I see you outside of class and you look like the girl from the Breck commercials. You're a bit too tan for your own good, but for the time being, your 20-year-old skin and body wear it well. But please spare me the pain of visiting me at your 15-year reunion when you look like a handbag.

M - You emailed me once a month to demand help, while in the same sentence telling me what an awful teacher I am and how my class is a waste of your time. Whatever happened to "please" and "thank you"? These past few weeks, as the realization set in that your minimal care and effort were not going to produce your coveted grade, you turned syrupy-sweet. I wish I could enjoy your temporary pleasant demeanor, but I know that I'll receive at least one more nasty missive once I submit final grades.

H - I told you before the withdrawal period ended that you were going to fail if you didn't step it up. You chose to stay in the class. I didn't think your output could decrease, but lo and behold, since that day, you've turned in nothing. Why did you show up for the final exam? You could have gotten a few hours more sleep rather than trudge across campus for such an act of futility.

B - When you want to be excused from a few absences, try "my girlfriend has cancer," or "my parents are getting divorced," or "I had to resolve a police issue in court," but for the love of God, don't use all three of them at the same time! And then when I advise you to withdraw from school to take care of business back home, don't tell me, "Oh, it's all OK now." Out of curiosity, was it your parents' rekindled romance that healed the cancer, or was the judge somehow responsible?