Original due date for take-home exam: March 10.Date I had a car accident on the way to work and didn't make it to class: March 3.
Week of Spring Break: March 17-21.
Days when class was not canceled: March 5, March 10, March 12.
New due date for take-home exam (because Heaven forbid a due date stand after I so thoughtlessly had an accident on the way to work one day an entire week earlier, and Heaven forbid I not extend it by two days plus Spring Break even though class was only canceled once): March 24.
Time of tragic news from "T": March 24, 2 AM. "I had my take home test on the day you didn't come and because you didn't come, I couldn't turn it in. It seems I am coming down with some sort of virus so I won't be able to make it back until at least Tuesday."
Since the take home exam was handed out on the first day of class and was identical to the in class exam with different numbers and more questions (not my normal MO, but this is the class from Hell and I gave up. I thought if I at least gave them questions they already had and told them so, that they'd be able to scrape out a class average of a C, or maybe a D+, but no, no, never mind that they could have copied half of it from textbook problems and then memorized the T/F questions, but this is now a tangent from a tangent...) and since she got something in the 20's on the in class exam, and since that story doesn't make any fucking sense, it's safe to say this is bullshit.
What I wanted to say: "Good thing you have some sort of virus, because you're totally full of shit and you could use the cleansing. How dare you try to use my car accident, on a day totally unrelated to the exam, as an excuse! Especially after I OVER compensated for the cancellation with a ridiculous extension. Your story doesn't make any sense and I double dog dare you to bring it to the department chair."
What I said instead: "Oh, too bad you didn't turn it in one of the other three days we had class before Break, since you were going to turn it in a week early anyway. Next time you're done so early and I have an accident on the way to work, make sure you put it in my mailbox, where I told you you could always turn stuff in early. Scan it and e-mail it by 5 PM or it doesn't count. The final will count twice. Feel better."
Now, it's time to hit the road and get ready to hear the whining from whichever friend she designated to do her dirty work. "Professor, I don't know if you checked your e-mail yet, but T is really sick and she wanted me to tell you she can't come until tomorrow. It was really hard to understand her over the phone through her violent retching, so she tapped out what she wanted me to tell you in Morse code by banging her phone against the toilet tank while she puked. She said if you know Morse code, she can tap out her take-home exam answers for you if you call her at this number."
