Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Another Semester Teaches Us How to Further Idiot-Proof Our Syllabi.

Attention Snowflakes:
  1. You are not as fascinating and intelligent as your mother tells you. Academic papers are not based on opinion. I don’t care what you think about behavioral analysis or psychological theories, what I care about are your ability to understand what those wiser and more experienced than yourself think. This is why I do not want to see the words “I think” or “I believe” leaving your keyboard. You can barely dress yourself and stay awake in class, much less have a coherent thought.

  2. An online class is just that, a class that happens to be online. Tests are still tests. No you cannot discuss the questions in the forums; no you cannot email me and ask me if the answer you want to choose is right. It is to test your knowledge, not mine. I already know the answer; this is why I am teaching the class.

  3. You cannot turn in assignments repeatedly after making revisions until you get the score you want. If I am feeling giving I will allow you to make some changes if I think you will learn something from this interaction. Otherwise you get the grade for the work you put in. This is why you don’t wait until 10 minutes before it is due to finish the assignment.

  4. No late assignments means just that, NO LATE ASSIGNMENTS. I don’t care that your house flooded after the kitchen started on fire when you received a phone call that your second cousin removed was admitted to the hospital and you spent the whole week there, which is why you weren’t at home to put out the fire that killed your dog. Yes I know that you are SO concerned about your grade and that you have NEVER done this before and it will simply ruin your GPA. No I don’t believe you. As the syllabus says, no late assignments. Deal with it.

  5. Plagiarism is plagiarism. Threatening to tell my boss doesn’t make you any less academically dishonest, it just makes you a blackmailing asshole. Do you think I am going to give a break to a blackmailing asshole? Why don’t you take the time you are putting into an attempt to bully me into not reporting you and actually research your paper and write it correctly. You will get a lot more out of the experience.