Monday, August 13, 2007

Summer School Ends, and Someone Has Some Old School Smackdown - Don't Call it a Breakdown

Yep, I knew you were in for a rude awakening on the first day of class when you looked at the syllabus and said, "but isn't college supposed to be easier than high school?"

But I've come to the conclusion that a jack hammer couldn't awake you. You are morons. College is not for you, or if it is, it is no longer for me.

No, slavery ended somewhat before 1958. Do not argue with me about this again.

And if you chose to write an essay about abortion, it may be a good idea to know that abortion is currently legal in the U.S., yes, even in your county. And your high school teacher did NOT tell you otherwise.

Not every soldier who has been sent to Iraq has died.

You have an average of 23 out of 100. No, that isn't good, nor is it passing. If you begin to form the words 'extra credit' on your lips, I may have to scream, and not in my car during breaks like usual.

I don't believe for one single nano second that you made all A's in high school. I bet the people who did make all A's steered well clear of you.

And finally, yesterday was the last day of class. So, please, please, please don't ask me again what we're going to do next week!

It's a good thing you weren't my first class, for I would surely have quit straight away. I've had years and years of hard working, curious students who have made my job a joy. You have driven me to drink and to contemplate the end of civilization.

Go away.