Exam I: Missed week before exam I, showed up for exam I saying she missed the previous week because she was going to drop but changed her mind, then pointed to all of the questions she couldn't do saying "I couldn't do this, or this, or... because I wasn't here when you did it" and was surprised that that wasn't a good argument towards having me not count those questions for her. Flunked.
Exam II: Missed this and the following class, showed up a week later asking what she could do about the missed exam, had it explained (while pointing to spare syllabus I carry around for just such an emergency) that missed exams increase the weight of the final exam.
Exam III: Missed this, showed up at next class, asked what she could do about the missed exam (I swear to God). After hearing missed exam policy for third time, added that she knew she had to miss the final and smiled at me like the dumb rabbit in Bambi. I said that was not possible and asked her why she "had to" miss it. Court - followed by TMI. I told her "You can take it the Tuesday before." which seemed agreeable to her.
Exam IV: Came late, dressed like Charo, still had face glitter from previous night. Flunked. Smiled like dumb rabbit again while pointing out things she didn't know because she cut class. Was surprised, again, that those questions still counted. Asked when the final was, and said she couldn't make it... court, repeated TMI. Was told again that she could take it the previous Tuesday.
The final is Thursday. Tomorrow Thumper is supposed to take the final. Just now she e-mailed:
heyy Professor Xxxx! I'm not really sure when is the final. Is it on tuesday or thursday?
can u please let me know as soon as possible, Thank you.
Case #2: record to date
- Low Ds on all exams.
- Low F on take home, open book midterm, on which students had 3 weeks including Spring Break to work
- Cursed out lab professor on second to last lab class because lab professor wouldn't let her in over an hour late
- received extra credit practice final via e-mail, which has been opened, printed and completed on various operating systems and versions of MS Word including: 2000, 2003, 2007, 2008, and 2010.
Then this student sent me this email this afternoon:
What program was this created on because i am unable to open the file.
I want to write back "I wrote it on super secret software that only CIA operatives are allowed to use. I never intended for you to actually be able to access the document. But since you figured me out, you get an A for the term, even though you know nothing about chemistry and you were an asshole to your lab instructor."