Monday, April 5, 2010

"I Want to Be a Snowflake, Dammit."

I want to be a snowflake!

I want to do nothing and get rewarded for it.

I want my Ph.D. because I paid for it, not because I jumped through a million hoops just to complete some meaningless rite of passage.

I want a job just because I am special, not because I am qualified.

I want to tell my students how boring they are, and not have to explain what fucktards they are when they hand in garbage.

I want to read what I want, when I want, and how I want. Student papers and disciplinary research are SO BORING.

I want personalized instruction just like Angie, Shauna, Ian, Lexi and Carlos get.

I want to be able to pitch a full-blown hissyfit to a student for no reason and then have my mom call their mom and tell them what a horrible person their child is.

I want to be able to afford all those gizmos and gadgets my students buy instead of their textbooks.

I want to live in a fantasyland where I believe I am a good student who always gets As even when I have a grade report littered with Bs, Cs, and Ds.

I want to get an A without studying, doing any work, or even showing up for class on time (or at all).

I want to be born in any other era than the one I was born into because the generation just previous to mine had a far easier time getting access to higher education and this current generation has such low standards it makes my hard work MEANINGLESS. (And it has now become worthless.)

I want to be a snowflake, dammit.