Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Some GradFlakes Get a Little Old School Smack.

Prospective Pamela:
You’re right, I, as faculty member have the secret data on what percentage of our Masters alums are working in what fields, what countries, and for what salaries. The chair and the administration don’t know, but I’ve been hiding it under my desk with the pillow and the bottle of scotch. You spammed the right person at last! Here you go: the good ones who play by the rules and listen up are mostly working in good, well paid jobs (or the last two years, since the whole broken economy things, in at least so so jobs) in the country of their choice. The whiners and skaters-through and what’s the least I can do folks, less so.

Dear Danielle: 
I think it’s great that you had to help that elderly person who has been here for 30 years find their way across the campus square. Gold scout pin for you! So that’s why you were late this last week. What about all the other weeks this term, again?

Lost Lola:
I know, it’s almost done. The data task you won’t let go of and were going to get to me before Thanksgiving. Just leave now. I am pretty sure that if you don’t I can have the funding agency confiscate your hard drive so someone who can actually manage their work and life can clear up your mess.

Tiresome Ted: 
Oh, you didn’t like the answer the chair gave you and you didn’t like the answer the administration gave you so you want me to sign your crazy form with legal implications for your immigration status? Like I’m not going to call them up to figure out what the hell to do? And then you’re going to lie – in writing – about it? That shit got me grounded when I was eight and I thought dad might let me go off the high dive even though mom had said no. Enjoy your letters of recommendation. I know I will.

Reckless Robert:
You remember that time when you said you wanted to work on that topic, and I said that I had no expertise in the method or subject and wouldn’t be much help to you, and you said you wanted to do it anyhow, and now you feel that you’ve wasted a year on something that ‘doesn’t work’ because I can’t tell you how to make it work? Cry me a river. I don’t do that stuff. It’s hard, as it turns out. Good thing I made you stick to that other one, too, huh? The one that’ll make your career if you’re lucky? Now stop whining.