Saturday, November 7, 2009

Blimey. The Grinch of Guildford Sends Along a Nearly Incomprehensible List of Euphemisms - UK Style!

There’s a really tight knit community here.
We're mostly white.

The culture of the University is informal.
Our lecturers look like they get their clothes out of a bin.

Intellectual Freedom, Social justice, Diversity, Spirituality, and Creativity underpin everything we do.
Most of our students are doing Media Studies or Sociology degrees.

Intellectual freedom and its appropriate expression are at the heart of our business.
We get to decide what is appropriate.

We delight in diversity.
We're mostly white.

The wellbeing of individuals is important, as are their opinions and views.
As along as we like them.

Our mission is to provide professional development of the individual and for the economic and cultural of our community.
Lots of local kids are forced to do Business Studies degrees here by their parents.

We have a Queen's Award for Enterprise.
We are really good at conning foreign students.

We have a large number of student societies.
We have a large number of glorified drinking clubs and terrorist sympathisers.

Our students don’t conform to the usual stereotypes.
Our students are poor and couldn't get in anywhere else.

We are committed to equality in all aspects of participation.
We're mostly white.

Our mission includes a concern for the environment.
We're a bunch of screaming eco-nutters.

The University is committed to social justice, equal opportunities and community involvement.
Our students are poor and couldn't get in anywhere else.

Our degree courses are both vocational and intellectually stimulating.
We have a high drop out rate.

We are one of the largest universities in the country.
We'll take anyone.

We are committed to the advancement of society through the pursuit of excellence in research, education and knowledge exchange, and through creative engagement with partner organisations at local, national and international levels.
We're a bit mediocre.

Our mission is to contribute to the development and quality of life of our city, nation and the international community.
Come here and eat kebabs.

Our host city is very affordable.
Our host city is a run-down hellhole full of people who want to mug you.

Most of our students are local.
Most of our students can't afford to go anywhere else.

You can get a taste of dozens of different cultures.
We depend on foreign students for most of our money.

Our student union is there to help you have a good time when you're not studying.
The beer's cheap.

We are a proud multicultural institution.
Our students hate each other.

Over 90% of our students are in work within six months.
Most of them work in Starbucks.