Monday, July 27, 2009

"It's Hot In Here...WHAAAAAAAAA." A New RYS Playlet.

Why is it so hot in here?

Because this school is cheap, and it turns off the air conditioning in the “evening.” And you guys can continue to feign heat stroke and wave your folders in front of your faces as if you were all dying in the desert, but if I can actually teach and move around up here, I think you guys can handle sitting still and looking brain dead for another hour.

Do you have a stapler?

No, I don’t have a stapler. Did I have a stapler the first three times you tried this? See, I didn't write a paper that needs stapling. You did. Do you know who does have staplers? The store. That’s right. They are fully stocked. And I hear they barter goods for cash and coinage, so why don’t you plan on walking yourself over there at some point and picking one up? Excellent.

Why did I get a point off on this assignment?

Really? You’re really going to come up here and whine to me about a 39/40? Look. I know you hail from Crappy Mid-State U, and you’re only gracing our humble CC for this summer class, but you seriously need to chill the fuck out. Yes, even you might not receive completely perfect grades in this class. Even you might find you have something to learn at a lowly CC. Deal.

Can you do something about the heat in here?

No, I cannot do anything about the heat in here. And no, I am not canceling the rest of class. But I WILL force the next person who asks about the motherfucking temperature in this room to go old school Nelly on us and take off all his/her clothes. So STFU about the heat already.

I really still don’t understand this essay, even after twenty minutes of coherent class discussion. Can I ask why you assigned this?

Oh, I’m sorry. I did not know that I was to pick only readings that you would be able to wrap your brain around. You may have noticed that most other people in the class do understand the reading. Might I ask why you are so obtuse? As much as I would love to assign happy, fluffy, predictable tripe (you would SO "get" that!), or perhaps dwell on the meaning of classics like Green Eggs and Ham or Goodnight Moon, the rest of the class may not find this as challenging as you undoubtedly would. So keep up or shut up, and stop wasting our time. Done.

Can we take a break so I can clear my head?

Sweetie, the last thing you need is to clear your head.

Can we get out early since it’s soooooo hot in here?

That’s it. Stand up and start stripping.