Wednesday, April 8, 2009
You know what? I'm a shallow, grade-A ass. Judgmental, backwards-thinking, etc. And I'm just asking for a shit-ton of smackdown by writing this. Sure. Whatever.
Because you know what my biggest fear as a proffie is? Getting fat.
Seriously. I've almost always been a fit, healthy person. I eat generally healthful foods, walk or bike to campus more often than not, work out a few times a week. But save perhaps for traipsing around in some exotic fieldwork location (hah!), it's not like we live the most active lifestyles. We do a lot of sitting at our desks. Reading, writing. So I'm afraid as the years trudge onward, I'll lose all self-discipline and turn into a lumpy, gross, unhappy blob.
What in the world does a health-related issue have to do with fears as a proffie? It has to do with the ugly reality that appearance does affect the way students and colleagues treat people. (See, eg, the MSE/clothing debate) And don't think you've never seen the way snowflakes sneer at, talk about, and generally disrespect overweight [or anything they deem unattractive or fugly] profs.
By all means, we're here to teach, and I'd also rather be paid attention to because I'm, you know, brilliant, and not because I'm the hottest professor who's ever stood before their bright, glistening, oogling eyes. And blah blah blah, I'm playing into and perpetuating the discourse by voicing this anxiety. (And for the record, I've seen women, especially, take this anxiety overboard and become truly unhealthy; anorexia is not a joke.)
But my greatest fear is being disrespected because of the way I look, and frankly, my insurance is too shoddy to pay a shrink to help me "work through" this. So pardon me, I'm off to the gym.