Friday, January 30, 2009
Based on the major success of a popular student website meant to help students vent obscenities behind their professors' backs, and the miserable failure of its mirror site, SateMyProfessors.com, meant to help these same students satisfy the requirements of a liberal arts education while keeping their professors happy as a clam, and in an effort to improve student performance and raise their morale, I propose a series of alternative websites:
(1) GrateMyProfessors.com, a culinary site where students learn to treat their professors like chopped liver. Membership includes free weekly recipes, including how to spike a teacher's apple with arsenic and make your own napalm soup.
(2) IrrigateMyProfessors.com, a site designed primarily for students of agriculture and environmental science to judge their professors in wet tee-shirt contests. Please ensure that your flash player is up to date.
(3) RaceMyProfessors.com, an interactive visualizer designed primarily for students in the athletics department to create customizable profiles of their professors in jockstraps. As in (2), please ensure that your flash player is up to date.
(4) DateMyProfessors.com: A No-Nonsense, Tough-Love Guide for Savvy Girls Who Want to Stop Receiving Crap and Start Looking at Fabulous Grades. Open to women of all body types.
(5) FaceYourProfessors.com, a radical experiment in web design that releases students from the tyranny of their computer screens and enables them to confront their professors head-on. The logistics of this innovative alternative, as well as real-size holograms of faculty members, are currently in the works.