No, I haven't graded your paper yet. Maybe you turned it in on time, maybe you turned it in late. Maybe you made sure it looked great, maybe it looked like something the dog chewed on.
You won't believe this but it doesn't have anything to do with you. Why is it that you expect me to accept your pleas for time because you/your kids/your spouse/your dog/ your neighbor has a cold/flu/asthma, but expect me to work 24/7 without sleep or food so you can get your papers back instantaneously?
You see, I actually read your papers as I grade them. In fact, after wading through this last stack, I'm pretty sure I've put more time in on this assignment that you did. Sending me countless e-mails, leaving voice mails on my phone, stopping me in the hall will not make this happen anymore quickly than my reminding you weeks ago that these papers would be due on the date announced at the beginning of the semester.
I wish only that you were as good a working your way through assignments as you are at working your way to the bottom on my stack.