Friday, March 28, 2008

Grade Grubbing Ghoul, Starring Eric the Irresponsible.

Dear Irresponsible Eric,

Several semesters ago, you missed the final exam. You missed the final exam, despite the syllabus stating and me saying repeatedly that I do not offer make-ups for the final exam. You missed the final exam, despite being given the date of the exam on the first day of class. You had no legitimate excuse to offer, just that you didn't pay close enough attention. You asked that I cut you some slack. I didn't. As a result, you failed the course. Over the course of this academic year, you complained to me, you complained to the dean, you complained to the vice-president, you even filed a grade appeal. The grade appeal committee heard your case. They ruled against you.

After dragging me through academic hell, I was finally rid of you. I raised a glass to your persistence but drank to the thought that I'd never have to see or hear from you again. It was delicious. HA!

However, it turns out like you're those idiotic murderers from 80's slasher movies--you just keep coming back and back and back. Like the heroes in the movie, I turned too quickly; the grade appeal wasn't the needed decapitation that we all yell for in the theater. Now you're in the president's office, claiming that I have destroyed your college career because your GPA is low and you can't compete for scholarships. Never mind that you've had two semesters to take the class again from a different professor and have the failing grade removed from your transcripts and GPA. Never mind that practically any person with a brain on this campus told you that my requirements were stated clearly on the syllabus and therefore you have no case.

But just like the slasher, reality doesn't apply to you. You have your own! A reality that says you are superior to everyone else. It's a place where the rules don't apply to you, a place where you're so special that we should all bow down and reward you for your irresponsibility and self-pity. Well, I have news for you, Eric. I am not destroying your college career. You are.

You have wasted an entire year bitching to anyone with ears that I'm a horrible, unfair, mean, rigid bitch, when you could have been spending that time acknowledging your screw-up, retaking the class, and moving on with your life. If only you put as much effort into reading the syllabus and listening to your instructors as you do being a narcissistic asshole, you'd be surprised at what you could achieve.

And Eric? It may take a sequel or two, but the end will come.