Thursday, February 7, 2008

Where "It's Not Rocket Science" Isn't A Good Comeback. Because It IS Rocket Science. Abby Aerospace Fires Up Some Smackdown.

Ms. N:
Cleverness: 4
Is Cool: 5

Coolness Delusion Factor: 2
Suckup: 2
Copy and paste: Name_X.txt. It's just a fucking filename. Just name it right: your name, _, assignment number. Bet you're the one posting on that other site about how everything had to be "perfect" when turning in assignments. I'm teaching people how to build rockets. Sometimes "oops" isn't an option.

Mr. G:
Cleverness: -2
Is Cool: 3
Coolness Delusion Factor: 5
Suckup: 5
I can't quit gut laughing. Replace 'Name' with *your* name. The one that your parole officer uses.

Mr. S:
Cleverness: -5
Is Cool: -5

Coolness Delusion Factor: 5
Suckup: 5

OK, we're both dorks. But I'm professor dork. And you are *student* dork. We will not hang out sometime.

Ms. M:
Cleverness: 3
Is Cool: 2
Coolness Delusion Factor: 3
Suckup: 5
Thanks, yes, the syllabus is as long, small, tedious, and full of legal bullshit as my last mortgage. Gawd, I know that every day is full of hardship for you. Get in line behind the other half of your class that works full time, raises families, and bitches a lot less often. Exceptions = no rules, and I have rules. Thanks to folks like you.

Mr. J, Mr. K, Mr. L:
Cleverness: 3.5-4.5
Is Cool: 1.5 (average)

Coolness Delusion Factor: 3.5
Suckup: 5 falling to 0 by term end.
Yes, I'm younger, smarter, and don't have a dick. You're presumptive and address me by my first name. Not until you know me well enough to survive calling me "hon." Which could be a long time coming, sweetie.

Mr. Z:
Cleverness: 5
Cool: 0
Coolness Delusion Factor: 2
Suckup: 5
What you wrote won't work, and if you can show me that it will you'll have broken rules written by the guy who wrote the goddamn manual and proved that I've been telling big fat lies to the class for several weeks. And who'd a thunk we'd have this exact conversation 3 classes in a row? You're too lazy to try it yourself and too willfully ignorant to believe what I say. Can't you still drop this class?

Mr. C:
Cleverness: -5
Cool: 0
Coolness Delusion Factor: 2
Suckup: 5
Can't find my late work policy? What, 'due date' means nothing to you?

Mr. & Ms. Anon:
Cleverness: -
Cool: -
Coolness Delusion Factor: 5
Suckup: -
Thanks to my across-the-board late semester grade inflation you probably passed my class. Since I don't remember any pet haters this semester, I probably smiled at you and gave you the breaks you didn't deserve. So you call me out by name on that other site, misspelling your malapropisms in the rant. I don't give a rat's ass about you? Your mother might, and your shrink is paid to - but if I care, it's a bonus. I'm paid to facilitate your learning. Period. As for suggesting that others find another teacher or prepare to burn? Burn, baby, burn. I'm lighting the fire, you craven little whiner.