You seem to be under the impression that I am in some way associated with the recruiting department here at Big Midwestern U. I assume that's what you must think, since you have already brought along two "prospective students" to class, though from what I can tell this title is a misnomer, and something more like "my loser friends" would be fitting.
Your last email requesting to bring yet another eager candidate into my classroom even suggested specific techniques to entice these potential matriculators. You "hope we're doing something fun" because you "really think that she is college material." That's excellent. Maybe, then, instead of learning how to write, we could play a game? And not one of those lame-o games where you have to "know" stuff, but I'll just bring in my Candyland board and we'll show her what college is really about.
I know my class is early, and that can deter these more reluctant students. Does your friend like French toast? Because I'll just whip some up, and we can have a delicious breakfast while we play games and laugh. Good times will be had! We can tell secrets and braid each others' hair! She'll think college is, like, so totally fun! Then, when she comes here, she can zone out, write shitty essays, and act as though her professors are making undue demands on her precious free time. Perhaps, dear student, you have picked up on a certain amount of sarcasm. I must admit, I haven't even the foggiest idea how one goes about making French toast. The point here is, I am actually not paid by the recruiting office, and I'm not in the business of "selling" my class like some slimy used car salesperson. If you want to hang out with your loser friends, skip my class. If you want to be in college, go to class and forget the loser friends. But there's no more room at the inn for vagrants and wanderers.
