Listen, If You're Going To Provide Your own Silly Names, What the Hell Are We Going to Do? Some Sprightly Morning Smackdown!

Noxious Natalie:

There are three books on the syllabus. One is a novel. No one is infringing on your civil rights with these "oppressive" reading requirements, and any implication to the contrary is both ignorant and offensive.

Sigma Delta Zack:

I respect your right to devote 100% of your lecture time to surfing Facebook, Gossip Geek, and the Drudge Report; however, in doing so, you forfeit the right to ask asinine questions at the end of class. The professor may be good-natured enough to force a smile before repeating herself, but I'm right behind you, sharpening my pencil, and I'm feeling stabby.

Vain Veronica:

Like, omigod, could you please stop talking about your weekend for more than five seconds? I know, right? Like, why do you always seem to follow me when I move to a different seat? Like, maybe I'm trying to take notes? And I'd like to be able to hear? Wouldn't that just be, like, totally great?

J. Farnsworth Bluffington IV:

Let's hope the trust fund is maturing more quickly than you are.

Blaring Bianca:

If you aren't going to turn the damn iPod off during lecture, at least turn down the volume so that you're the only one who can hear it.

Amorous Amanda:

I know you're excited about taking this class with your hunky boyfriend, but you should really give it a rest. The poor guy actually looks like he's trying to pay attention, and it must be hard for him to hear with your tongue in his ear. It's 10 in the morning - you've gotta give him a break sometime, or he's going to burn out.