Fall Smackdown Season Begins

Okay, Sheryl-Ann, or Cherylanne, or Shirl-Ahn, or whatever you say your "girls" call you - it's Rebecca on my roster, honey - you take the cake for getting under my skin the fastest.

No, I'm not able to tell you right now if you're ready for this class. Have you seen what we've accomplished so far? I got that one nitwit to turn off his phone, I convinced some slob to take his feet off of the front of MY desk, and I was able to turn away 3 people who don't understand that room 311 and room 331 are actually different places. So, I'd guess I'd say you're ahead of the game because you were in the right place at the right time.

Now, as for your vacation at Thanksgiving. Uh, it's a little early for me to start thinking about your classwork for then. I like that you brought it up, but seriously, you may not be with us by Thanksgiving. Students drop this class when they discover it's not quite the gut they hear it is. I could be dead by November. So, let's get to, say, Halloween, before we plan your "homework."

Also, I don't care where you buy the book. But as I said in class, we start working with it Monday. I don't doubt that Amazon or whatever will take a little while to ship to you - and I doubt if it'd be your brother's credit card problems that would actually slow shipping - but you did register for this course in May of last year, right? The syllabus has been on our computer system since then. The fucker's in the book store, right? And we've already had 2 days of class this week. You're just going to buy it now?

Oh, and finally, I'm glad your dad works in hotels and you've always been around adults, and that you get along so well, almost as if you were an adult by the time you were 9, but I'm not one of the pals of your dad's. Let's just keep it professional. You call me Dr. Sinbad and I'll call you Shurlanne, or whatever. You don't have to call me Tony, and I'd just really rather keep it at that level.

And Rebecca, you know that there are 35 people in the room, right? It's not just a little gabfest for you and me. Commenting on everything on the syllabus - even those comforting "Sounds good"s - is really not necessary. You notice how nobody else said a thing? It was because you sucked the oxygen out of the room.

I want you to succeed. I want EVERYONE to succeed. And as soon as we get it together, and you just take part in class as if you were one of the group - and not the sole "special guest star" - you'll get a great experience, too.