Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Someone Goes Old School With the Smackdown

R: I teach, not indoctrinate. Yes, it really is OK to express your political opinion in this class. I promise I won’t ridicule you before your classmates or dock your grade if I disagree. Given your extreme nervousness when you approached me concerning this issue, I have a feeling that one of my colleagues once did so, and I apologize on behalf of the profession. As long as your opinion is well-expressed and based on careful thought and research instead of blank ideology, you may say anything you want. Really.

H: The next time you give a formal presentation and kick off your flip-flops on the way to the front of the room, perhaps you shouldn't come to me two days later demanding why your effort grade wasn’t higher. Also, I have no problem with you bringing your well-behaved child to a class because the daycare fell through, but I must admit that I wonder about your parenting skills when I lean down to warn you that we will be watching a couple scenes from an R-rated movie that contains adult language and you say, “Oh, we’ll just stay here. She’s used to it.” I suggest you reserve her “Girls Gone Wild” consent form in advance. Oh, and her suite at rehab. Maybe you can get a window room.

Z: When I put on the syllabus that I don't accept emailed assignments, it wasn't just because there was a blank space at the end of the page and I thought some additional typing might look nice there.

A: You’re hot. You also know it. But I know that hotness goes no further than your carefully tousled hair. Here’s a tip: Someday you are going to be wrinkled and saggy, and no amount of winking, wide smiles, and “Oh, c’mon’s” is going to get you through life. It certainly isn’t going to get you an A in this class.

P: Kindly stop dressing like a Hilton sister. You’re getting in the way of my raise.