I can't believe that I even have to say this, but NO, I will not change a grade that you earned in my class 2 years ago. Even if I could, I wouldn't. You failed my class. You hardly ever showed up, and when you did you barely stayed awake. You did not turn in any of the written assignments and you failed the Midterm and the Final. I have rarely had anyone who so deserved to fail. It was like you were trying to fail.
It's too bad that you now realize that you needed to pass my class in order to graduate. You should have been thinking about that while you were registered for my course. It is really too bad that you will just have to suck it up and take it over the summer. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Well, I don't. I save my sympathy for starving children and abandoned puppies - not overly-coddled, entitled, self-obsessed chowderheads like you. In fact, I am practically drowning in schadenfreude (look it up, moron). The fact that your abysmal performance in my class has come back to bite you in the ass fills me with petty glee.
Good luck in summer school, and I hope the air conditioning breaks.
Sincerely,
Prof. Nyah Nyah
