A full professor at a public university in Chicago says:
Here are mine. Add them to the bunch, and color me as a bad guy, too, if that's what's required.
L: You drive everyone insane with the endless caterwauling about your rights. You're 20. You have serious things coming up. Right now someone is housing, feeding, and teaching you, mostly on the state's dime. So shut up.
R: I can't wait to see you at Long John Silver's in a couple of years. I'm going to spray tartar sauce on you after you give me my change. (Oh, and if you think teaching is such a fucking joke, why don't you teach your hair to lay down flat.)
O: You're sensitive. I get it. Bursting into tears when a C+ comes down the pike, however, is not endearing. What would be endearing is if you saved your modest strength for actually doing the reading for a test.