Beaker Ben On the F-Bomb Foo-Fa-Rah!

An F-bomb? Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously, that doesn’t rise to the level of disrespect to require an outward show of disapproval. To the students, I wouldn’t blink an eye. My mind would quickly list the following responses to the student who says that the grade is going to fuck his GPA:

10. I let a colleague look at your paper too. He would have given you a D. That’s my first threesome.

9. To show my sharp knowledge of pop culture, I say, “Dude, don’t you watch South Park? Cursing causes the bubonic plague.”

8. Wait until you see what I do to your mom.

7. Next time, try to use multisyllabic curse words.

6. Tell your GPA that I’ll call her in the morning.

5. Sure, I’m fucking your grade but nobody’s going to pay $29.95 a month to watch me do it.

4. Getting the audience’s attention is first thing that a successful speech should do. +5 bonus points.

3. Sir, if you may, control your language for the sake of the impressionable youths surrounding us.

2. The B- I gave you for your midterm was just foreplay.

1. If you think 74% is a good fucking, then you’re not doing it right.