Thursday, April 30, 2009

BFF (Continued).


Your readers are on target with the BFF Professor, whose insanity graced your pages last week. Here's what she posted yesterday:

--()--


With hubbyhead and the kids doing their thing, I decided to have another literary confab at the house with my amazing student. She came over and of course we got right into the wine. I mean, how are we going to solve all of these critical academic questions without it? Anyway, it was such a great night. [My student] amazed me - as always - with her keen insight. It makes me feel sad that so much of the semester was spent with our relationship spent only in class and in my office.

She's really a peer to me, more a colleague than some of my own colleagues.

Anyway, we kept opening wine bottles and we moved from a discussion of how she uses outside sources to who was dating who among our classmates! It was all very silly. We ended up heating up some Chinese food and giggling on the floor. "Tell me," I said, "Tell me who's cooler than us?"

The Midyear Ring of DistinKtion.


Where we collect the finest pieces to appear on these pages, adding 11 new entries to the Ring's 65 past honorees.

For the first half of 2009:



Previous Ring of DistinKtion Inductees:

On Friendship and Objectivity With the Flakes.


I recently read the story of the BFF Professor and the replies that followed, and I see a real problem with professors getting this cozy with students.

It is not possible to objectively grade a student who is also a true friend whom you love. Professors may insist that they can still be objective, but I don't believe it. Either they'll be too easy on a true friend and give her better grades than she deserves because they want her to be happy, or they'll be too hard on her because their expectations are higher for true friends than for random students. This is unfair to the true friend and/or to the other students.

It also works the other way around - the "heavy editing and criticism" might have hurt the true friend because she interpreted it as criticism from a friend and not from a professor. I can take a lot of criticism from my professors - it's their job to teach me and help me to revise my work to a certain standard of quality. They are criticizing my work and there's nothing personal about it, but if my true friends were as critical, I'd be hurt.

There's also the issue of whether or not the true friend freely chose to have dinner at the professor's house or simply "agreed" to do so, as the letter describes. It is not easy to refuse such an invitation from the person who grades you. And it can easily tarnish the reputation of an otherwise well-meaning professor. Bad news for everyone involved, and the BFF professor should know better.

That is not to say that friendships between students and faculty are impossible, especially when there is only a small difference in age, but if there's a real potential for friendship, they should wait until the class is over and fair grading and criticism is no longer an issue.

As an undergraduate, I was friendly with many of the professors in the department, but never in a million years would they have invited me to their homes. We'd occassionally go out for a few beers with the other majors, but always in a group, never a professor and a student alone, because no matter how innocent the intention, it would have reflected poorly on the professor. I am still friendly with most of these professors but there's only one whom I consider a friend. Oddly enough, we weren't particularly close when I was an undergraduate. He was not social with the students, but he took an interest in my writing after judging it in a writing contest. Over the last 15 years, he's kept in touch, volunteered to read my writing, and in every way has behaved like a friend. At this point I do not hesitate to call him a friend, but if I was still a student, I would not be comfortable with this friendship.

Students deserve a reasonable level of objectivity and professors shouldn't make their jobs any more difficult by compromising it. But BFF professor clearly lacks common sense and there's a strange undercurrent of neediness and grandiosity in her paraphrased message.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Phillie From the Plains Points His Finger At the Poor Pale Saps In the English Department. Come On! Can't You Pick On A Group Able to Defend Itself?


I'm sure I'm opening myself up to a stream of hate-mail, here, but I have to say it. Several recent posts - the stuff about the crazy BFF Proffie and poor Ingrid from Iowa's woes - caused me to instantly jump to the conclusion that the sad, weird, distressing situations in question were taking place in English departments.

Maybe I'm just playing the odds. Maybe I'm just buying into the negative stereotype. Maybe I'm just bitter that so many English professors who know less than nothing about philosophy try to explain it to their students nonetheless, using - God help us - Derrida and Foucault. Maybe.

But, seriously, I had the same intuition as one of the commentors, speaking about the BFF Proffie: "Is there any question that this is an English professor we're talking about, a self-styled life-coach to the students?"

I did my undergrad degree in English, at two different schools, and I remember both departments well. Certainly, the SIZE of English departments helps explain why you can find so many whackos in residence, and why the politics can be so screwed up - that many people and you can start to get factionalization. What it doesn't explain is why so many English professors are really just literary wonks who occasionally do a bad amateur-night impression of teaching.

I'm not saying that the study of English can't be done with proper academic rigor. I'm just noting that in so many cases, the discipline as a whole can't seem to tell when it is and when it isn't. I'm not saying that English professors are universally soft-headed weirdos who'd rather "commune" with their students than teach them anything. I'm just nothing that, at every school I've been to, this kind of activity appears to be as good a formula for advancing in the discipline as, you know, actual pedagogy.

What gives? I can point to the problem - or at least the problem I think exists - but I can't explain it. I'm inclined to blame the intellectual bankruptcy of most critical theory, but that can't be all of it, can it? Weren't English professors just as touchy-feely even when formalism was all the rage? I don't know... maybe someone who's actually decided to proceed onward in the field can explain it to me, and, indeed, I hope so.

I suppose I just thought it relevant, and worth mentioning, that so MUCH of the egregious silliness I see on RYS I *automatically* attribute to the English department. I can't be alone in this response, can I?

Taking Plagiarism Personally.


It happens every semester as the end closes in. While some students beg for points, and others beg for extensions, there are those that take a simpler, less personal approach. They cheat. At the small community college where I work, there were seven confirmed, documented blatant cases of plagiarism in two days, and more are coming in every day. I’m not talking about the misuse of MLA, and I assume we are missing the recycling of papers from previous semesters. These are papers where students have purchased papers from the online paper mills. The students change a few words so that it is more difficult to Google, but we have caught them nonetheless (and no, we don’t have Turnitin or anything like that to help us – it’s all about the instructor and Google and digging for the phrase that will answer the burning question: how did Tommy manage to write such a good paper).

As angry, pissed off, frustrated and depressed as all this has made me, the one thing I can’t seem to get over is that the only advice my colleagues have for me is this: “there’s really not much you can do other than give the student a zero on the assignment and remember, don’t take this personally.” There’s a look of hopelessness in their eyes. And for good reason. While I can give a student a zero, the student can drop the class. Once that happens, the student is free to move on to another class and, using everything they learned not to do, try it again on another unsuspecting instructor. When I asked another professor if there was anywhere in the Almighty System where the Dean of Student Services could track and reprimand chronic plagiarizers and cheaters, he answered me, "No, and if you think about it you'll realize you wouldn't want the administration to be able to do anything to OUR students."

It seems that in order for anything a student would really be afraid of to happen like, I don’t know, expulsion or suspension or loss of tuition waivers and scholarships, one instructor has to jump into the fire armed with two documented cases of plagiarism. And, as I’ve been told, if I thought about it I’d want it that way. Therefore, no one jumps into the fire and, as we’ve seen from the response on this site about what happens when one does that, for good reason. Leaving us with chronic plagiarizers who slip from one class to another, working their way through college while we don’t take it personally.

No wonder I can’t wait for the semester to be over. If any of MY students are reading this…don’t take it personally.

Mid Career Mike. Restless Regrets.


I really love the postings last week about re-dos. I have one, and it's a doozy.

I am more than a little embarrassed to appear on these pages today, so full of myself was I during my job search this year that resulted in a great offer from a really cool location.

But as this semester is in its last week, I know I'm leaving behind a really great school with great colleagues, and I did it out of a combination of arrogance, stupidity, self-satsifaction, and a number of imagined notions that ended up not being real - except in my head.

As soon as I had the offer at Soda Pop College, I began seeing my home institution in a different way. I talked a little about that feeling about a month ago, and now the feeling is more clear.

I don't regret the opportunities coming up in Florida; those do seem like great folks, and it's a job I believe I'll be good at. But I know beyond a doubt now that I could have been happy where I am, too, had I given it a chance.

I look now at the events that have transpired over the past couple of years, and I see that the mistakes that were made, the things that made me go job-hunting, were all my fault.

  1. I believe I got hired "down," into a school that I was better than. This colored almost everything I did during my time here. I had a chip on my shoulder when this was the best job I could find, and every day I've been here I've thought I was better than the school, and certainly better than the folks who were my colleagues. But I'm not. It doesn't matter where I did my grad school, or where my colleagues did theirs. These are hard working folks, genuine, earnest, and I'm ashamed for looking down on them because their degrees are not from the traditional powerhouses.

  2. I kept to myself. Part of #1, of course, this problem just makes itself worse. When I first arrived I was greeted and welcomed, and I was standoffish. I stayed to myself and it's a perpetuating action because if you tell people to leave you alone enough -they eventually do. I then thought of my colleagues as unfriendly, although it was me who pushed them away. I've gotten to know my colleagues better since I got the new job, since I let my guard down a bit. And I was wrong to be a solo act.

  3. I thought of this place as temporary. Well, and it became temporary. I never invested myself in the town or the college. I've been here a number of years, but still rent. I escaped town every summer and went "home," because that's where I felt comfortable. But this town and this place is terrific. It has all the things anyone would need. But because I believed "better" situations were ahead, I just thought of it as a stopping point. My colleagues have homes and families and roots, and they love the town and the college. I didn't because I never acted as if I was staying.

  4. My grad school pals are mostly like me, and we reconvened at conferences and via phone and email, and for the past 2-3 years all conversations are about where we're going "next." I believe each of us has made some of these same mistakes. We believe we're meant for bigger things; we tell each other the same. And our little "community" came to become a restless and searching group, none of us really making our new academic homes REAL homes.

And it's been just a crushing realization, all of this. What a fucking asshole I've been. And I don't mean to overstate things. My colleagues have been genuine and warm about my leaving, and as I noted earlier, I've gotten to know some of them better in the past months. Nobody hates me or begrudges me. Instead, they've all been supportive. And I don't deserve much of it.

I talked to my best grad school pal last night about all of this. I told her, "Listen, give it a chance." And I'm talking to all of you now, all of you folks in your first or second jobs, those of you at least who think you've got to move, keep digging, keeping that CV ready in multiple copies. There are many great homes around the academic world. I never ever saw mine that way until recently. I was blinded by restlessness or ambition or something, and now I fling myself into another brand new situation when I know I had something very good right here.

Don't make my mistake.

I'm still headed to Soda Pop College, and I'm still excited about the opportunity. I'm going to invest myself in that town and the world, and I'm going to do everything I can not to make the mistakes that have marred the last few years of my life and career. I wish I could have a re-do. If I can't have one, maybe my story can help others before they need one of their own.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Portia from Prince Albert Proffers Props to the Proffies.


I would like to express my sincere appreciation of, agreement with and no small amount of personal delight in the views many professors express on your blog. I am a member of a student contingent who believes you and other professors should repeatedly "kick our asses" into high gear. I feel compelled to share a few thoughts from the peanut gallery of slightly educated babies, for you and the other professors who feel (and rightly so) unappreciated, defeated, ridiculed, etc.

I often find myself the first person (from the time a book was brought to the institution) to bother withdrawing a particular text from the library, or to read an applicable resource outside of the assigned readings for a course. I would also lobby for more reading and writing in courses: two six page papers and a three-hundred page textbook in an upper level undergraduate art history course cannot be enough!

To speak symbolically, we must learn the language of a given discipline. Soren Kierkegaard and Immanuel Kant are delightfully engaging, but one cannot engage/play with their ideas until you read and understand them (not that I have even begun to understand many things, hence my continued education). Comprehension and application are but two goals that you, as professors who are routinely evaluated and accredited, push us towards. Likewise, I believe that any subtlety and nuance a text, image, equation, etc. may hold cannot be appreciated by a mind untrained in the core concepts of its respective discipline.

Any given institution has a few "bad apples" in the bunch, but we are so foolish as students when we lump the entire faculty under one heading. Why do we express a hostile attitude? Why the adversarial relationship? Quite simply put: most of us are spoiled rotten, lazy, close-minded little people puffed up on pride (I have to include myself here). We have been raised in a society that repeatedly tells us how much we are entitled to (before we have even begun to WORK!) and how important we personally are. This is in direct opposition to the history, needs, expectations and requirements of most of the world. Very often, professors will be the first "no" we ever encounter, or the first voice that says, "Well, as marvelous as all your achievements to date are, you still need to continue to work hard." "Yes, it will be that way until you die...so, until Kanye West calls you with an offer, I suggest you study your ass off."

Any professor has my full support who unabashedly reminds their students that "higher" education is a privilege, not a damn birthright. Yes, I don't care that we work to earn and pay for it...earning and retaining a place in the classroom only highlights my point.

Despite our tuition fees being a "drop in the bucket" of college and university operating costs, students pay you to do precisely what you are doing: educate us, teach us to THINK and exercise our lazy minds. I cannot tell you how frustrated I am with society's anti-intellectual attempts to relegate education. We honestly believe that "old books" contain irrelevant ideas, that we should not study something we don't see a practical application for and that grades are a collection of numeric brownie points, expressing the worth of any given human being.

We don't want to be graded for how we actually learn, process or synthesize thought and express ourselves coherently. We need t-shirts that say, "Please mark me quickly, based on how wonderful I think I am, so I can get the hell out of here and get a real job." The meta-culture of North American consumerism, coupled with pseudo-utilitarian value judgements are tearing down the efforts you make to help us grow beyond ourselves. I can only hope that future generations will appreciate your valuable work and fund it heavily.

A Message From Topeka. (Where Our Most Favorite Student Correspondent Ever Drops a Shitload of Questions We're Going to Be Unable to Answer.)


Okay, so my question is:

what did ya'all read back then?

Curiousity, all that.

We did Shakespeare; Rom & Jul, et tu Brute? emo hamlet, and crazy ol' Macbeth. Hawthorne, not his best obviously. (Yawn, yawn. Red. He did some cool ghost stories 'tho.) The Crucible, we also watched the movie which made me cry. (To be fair -- I /loved/ me some Zora and Willa and I have a soft spot for Invisible Man.) Death of a Salesman did not bother me. Who still believes in the American Dream? Fuck the 50s, seriously.

Oh, and is Harper Lee dead YET? I really connected with Carson Mccullers, Salinger (/of/ course). Drop in some good scifi - Asimov, Bradbury.

We never covered the fun stuff -- Vonnegut, Heller. (No Kafka! no untangling Faulkner's alcoholism.) How did I not know that Capote was so obviously gay?

What are we missing? I mean in the past and the present. Will we see Cormac in our classrooms? Who is the next Steinbeck? can I get a bit of Palahnuik? David Foster Wallace?

I guess I'm asking: what's the new stuff? the old stuff? what is good? was is bad? What is essential to you?

luvs,
tina

Totally Fake But Fun Replies to Student Email. Latest in a Series.



Dear Professor,

Hi, I'm a fourth year marketing student. I was just inquiring about the "Social Sciences 100" class that you are teaching this summer. Do you have a copy of the syllabus ready so I can know the expectations on the amount of work we can look for from this class in terms of exams and papers? I'm debating between two courses and any information would be greatly appreciated.

Consumer/Student


--()--


Dear Consumer/Student,

Thank you for the opportunity to put in a bid for your enrollment. I'll tell you what, let's see what kind of a syllabus we can negotiate. I am willing to come down from four quizzes to three, if the competing instructor has three. If they have only two, I can't really beat that but if you log on and enroll in the next 12 hours, I could offer you a one-time-only 25% bump up on your lowest graded piece of work. You might like to know that this being a summer course, I was planning on treating students to free lecture notes, in advance of the class.

The final exam is really early in the exam schedule which hopefully gets you off on your summer holiday sooner than competing courses. Assignments should be fairly minimal in number and length. And my friend, between you and me, I'm gonna slo-pitch this bitch big time because I'm so low on the totem pole that I probably won't be assigned a TA or a marker to serve as a buffer between me and market savvy consumers such as yourself.

Let me know how I might sweeten the deal for you in some way.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Reno from Raleigh With the Final Word on the Study Guide Bullshit.



I teach "Art History," and invariably get cries and moans about study guides...so I give them one.

I prepare a one page sheet that *literally* just lists every artist and work of art we have talked about in the class (I even throw in a few extra--I figure, what the hell? They probably weren't paying attention the first time through.) I hand out copies the week before the test, and my snowflakes are super-duper happy about it, even though it is completely useless in pedagogical terms. I think it is just the ritual of the review sheet that they are used to...and I am more than happy to play my part, since it helps keep insane statements like, "We never knew what questions were going to be asked on the test!" off of my evaluations.

Hell, I even throw a review session for each exam. And this is where it gets good. It is always at some ridiculously early hour (like 7.30am). I always blame the time on classroom scheduling, since our uni is notoriously overcrowded (the students just shake their head knowingly when I explain to them how I spent an hour on the phone trying to get the classroom schedule opened up so we wouldn't have to do it at 6am). I get to school at that time anyways, and this helps to cut down on the "slacker factor". I make it a BIG DEAL...I schedule it weeks in advance, make an insane amount of flyers (or rather, I give some keener 5 extra credit points to make them) and then post these ALL over our part of the campus. The students are allowed to bring donuts and coffee (I tell them it is against the rules--which it isn't--but that I will look the other way in this case...for them), and being present at my "Super Kool Review Session Party" becomes a (reluctant) point of pride among many of my students. My administration loves it -- I look like the most dedicated proffie ever, and the student evals often suggest just that.

What's more, it is extremely "student centered" (GAG! Sorry, I just puked into my mouth a little bit...). The students have to prepare questions to ask ME during the session--no questions, no review. It took a while for them to get that part, especially those that like to skip the class all semester and just show up for the review. The first time, we sat in complete silence for 25 minutes (I spent that time reading RYS on my laptop!) until some kid realized that I meant it and started asking questions.

Here's the kicker: I will only answer "Yes" or "No" questions. Seriously. It is a REVIEW SESSION...I will help you check the notes you took in class, nothing more.

"Is Van Gogh spelled G-O-G-H?"

"Yes."

"Is he French?"

"No."

By the third or fourth question, I am completely out of the equation -- the students start answering each other's questions (sometimes with sighs and rolls-of-the-eyes, "Van Gogh was NOT French, you douche!"), and I only have to chime in with the occasional "No" when someone tries to share some bad info (I do have some heart). For most of the sessions, I sit there--like a sage--and quietly sip my coffee.

...and revel in my delight.

And why am I so happy? Because I get to see my snowflakes blossom into full-fledged little snowmen? Because, for one brief, shining moment I get to glimpse the potential of these bright young minds?

Fuck No.

Because I have beat them. I have used their neediness, their immaturity, their institutionalized laziness against them. I have turned the system back on itself. In a world in which these snowflakes expect to be the center of the universe, I put them there--and walk away.

I do *absolutely nothing*, and get LOVED for it -- NOT. ONE. THING.

I realized a long time ago that my doctorate gives me one great advantage over these kids:

It means I am FUCKING SMARTER than they are.

Once I realized that, I put all of the powers of my intellect towards one goal: tricking them into doing shit that they should be doing anyway, while giving me all the credit. I mean, think about it. We spend most of our time trying to convince students that they should be responsible, intellectually curious, self-reliant...and what's the result? They say we are "not available for help enough," "too hard," or "unfair." Fuck 'em. I would rather just use my advantage to get the same results. I mean, if I can't outsmart some 20-year old frat boy...should I really be teaching anyway?

On the Weekend News Coverage.



  • I didn't know at first if the recent killings in Athens were something you would report on, but I want to say that as a Georgia professor, your site did the best job of keeping the story updated clearly and concisely, with relevant and timely links. I don't know if you know it or not, but for several hours on Saturday and Sunday, the main CNN page linked to your site. Well done.


  • At first I was annoyed with your coverage of the killings in Georgia, but as time went on I admired how reasonably and responsibly you covered it. That was not the case on many blogs, nor on some of the "real" news sites. Pretty impressive.


  • Your coverage of the Zinkhan story was first rate.


  • I believe it was your site that convinced the Chronicle to take down their inappropriate reportage on the Zinkhan story, especially the quotes they pulled from the professor's RateMyProfessor site, some of them 5 years old or more. Kudos for that.


  • All weekend I found myself going to your site for the latest on the killings at the University of Georgia. Your reporting was transparent and timely, and whoever kept the page updated all weekend should be commended.


  • This place is often nasty, occasionally juvenile, and always a fun ride! It floored me at how well you covered the deaths of those poor folks in Athens over the weekend. I applaud you all for your efforts.

Athens Update: Zinkhan's Passport Is Missing.

Complete Story By RUSS BYNUM for the Associated Press.

Federal authorities say a Georgia college professor suspected in the shooting deaths of his wife and two other men outside a community theater has a ticket for a flight to the Netherlands for May 2 and they can't find his passport.

Authorities have been searching for 57-year-old George Zinkhan since Saturday's shootings in Athens, about 70 miles east of Atlanta. Police say the marketing professor has a house in Amsterdam, where he teaches part-time.

It was unclear when the ticket was purchased.

Chronicle Story Says that Alleged Georgia Killer Was a "Creep" According to Anonymous Posting on RMP.


Comments on the Chronicle site echo the thoughts of the moderators.


Updates!

Sometime Sunday, April 26th, the Chronicle article in question was reposted minus any of the remarks that came from the RMP website. And, all of the critical reader comments (about a dozen) that took them to task for their reportage were cut as well.

Late on Sunday, they posted the following message: "An earlier version of this post mentioned student evaluations of Mr. Zinkhan on RateMyProfessors.com. The Chronicle removed that information, and several readers’ comments criticizing the decision to cite that Web site as a source of information, but we continue to believe that RateMyProfessors.com is a source that, like other blogs and Web sites, journalists may sometimes check."

The Fall At Eden.


Once upon a time, in a distant land, there was an institution of higher learning called Eden College. No Snowflakes attended this utopian university, only those eager, teachable minds. They absorbed knowledge, participated in class discussion, and could synthesize material from one class to another. They went forth, multiplying. Until That Day happened. On That Day the educational juggernaut as it was known was forever transformed into whatever circle of hell it is now. On That Day, two particular students, one male, one female, decided to come to class late. That Day, education fell.


We now live and work in the aftermath. Like its spiritual counterpart, the consequences have been far-reaching and progressive. To this, no one would argue. I had thought I could patiently deal with the manifestations of this fallen world, until yesterday. Yesterday, I broke. I cannot fathom how far the students have dropped, that following directions has become a nearly impossible task for them. The issue at hand was citing a research paper. They were taught how to do it. Directions were posted on Blackboard. Every one of them met with me with their rough drafts, with instructions, "Be sure when you get to citing, you let me see that you are on the right track." Nope. Didn't work. "Oh, but it's now how we learned it in another class!" Tough crap. I didn't teach that other class. Then today, projects due, a three-part project. Directions are on Blackboard. I nearly begged them to remember to do all three parts. I pleaded to let me see drafts. Nope. Maybe 33% of the class followed directions.

I wish I could say it was one Stupid Snowflake that struggles with this. I wish I could pin the blame on a dope-smoking frat boy or some other person we all love to hate. But it's most of them; the good, the bad, and the ones we can't figure out how they even got into college. It's depressing. How do they expect to succeed after college if they can't succeed when we are telling them everything to do?

Next semester, I'm going to do it differently. I am not going to have directions for anything. I'll just tell them to create their own assignments and grade them. Why should I bother with creating methods for them to increase their learning and mastery over material they claim to want to know for their future professions if they won't comply with how to do them correctly and successfully? Does anyone else feel my pain?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sunday Video on Athens Killings.





Ga. prof suspected in shootings leaves no trail. (Associated Press Story.)


** Update: 1:24 PM Pacific Time.

By RUSS BYNUM

ATHENS, Ga. (AP) — A college professor suspected in the shooting deaths of his wife and two men outside a community theater hasn't used his cell phone or credit card, leaving few traces as authorities searched for him Sunday.

George Zinkhan, a 57-year-old marketing professor at the University of Georgia, was last seen Saturday afternoon shortly after the shooting when he dropped his two young children off at his neighbor's house, police said.

Authorities initially described one of the victims, Marie Bruce, as Zinkhan's ex-wife, although police later said the couple was still married.

Investigators have received no tips about Zinkhan's whereabouts and urged people to call police if they see his 2005 red Jeep Liberty with Georgia license plate AIX1376.

State and federal authorities are assisting in the search. Investigators were monitoring airports in case Zinkhan tried to head to Amsterdam, where he owns a home, and speaking with law enforcement agencies in Austin, Texas, where he has relatives. But officials hope that Zinkhan will surface, said Athens-Clarke County Police Capt. Clarence Holeman.

"Criminals make mistakes. It doesn't matter if you've got a Ph.D., an M.D. or whatever," Holeman said.

Meanwhile, friends of the victims dropped off flowers and lit candles Sunday morning in front of the Athens Community Theater. The victims — Bruce, 47; Tom Tanner, 40; and Ben Teague, 63 — were members of Town & Gown Players, a local theater group that was staging a performance of "Sherlock Holmes: The Final Adventure" this weekend at the theater. Two others were hurt by shrapnel.

LaBau Bryan, a member of Town & Gown Players since 1988, said Bruce cast her in her first role with the group, in the "The Mikado." On her way to church, Bryan dropped off a small vase containing an English dogwood, azalea and iris — one for each of the victims.

"It's a personal loss," Bryan said, crying. "It's a terrible, terrible blow to the theater."

It was midday Saturday when a few dozen members of the theater group were gathered at the Athens Community Theater a short distance from campus. Some described it as a reunion, a homecoming for current and former group members. Most were inside the theater, while a small group was gathered around a few benches outside.

Holeman, the police captain, said an argument erupted between Zinkhan and Bruce. Holeman said police believe Zinkhan walked away briefly, before returning with two handguns.

Each victim was shot multiple times, according to the county coroner.

Holeman also said Zinkhan had his son and daughter with him when he went to the theater, but left them in the Jeep when the shooting occurred.

None of the 20 witnesses interviewed by police overheard the argument and couldn't say what prompted the shooting, Holeman said, though he described the slayings as "a crime of passion."

SWAT members, guns drawn, later swarmed Zinkhan's tidy middle-class suburb about seven miles from the campus and searched his two-story colonial house. They also searched his office at the university, which had issued a campus-wide alert immediately following the shooting as a precaution.

When Zinkhan dropped his children off, he told his neighbor, Robert Covington, that he needed someone to watch them for about an hour because of an emergency. The children are around the ages of 8 and 10.

Covington said when he asked Zinkhan's daughter about the emergency, "all she would relate to me was there was something about a firecracker."

Zinkhan, who has a doctorate from the University of Michigan, is a professor at UGA's Terry College of Business and had no disciplinary problems, university spokesman Pete Konenkamp said. Before joining the school in the 1990s, he held academic positions at the universities of Houston and Pittsburgh.

Bruce, a family law attorney who specialized in divorce cases, had been a member of Town & Gown Players for several years and currently served as the group's president. She was a graduate of the University of Georgia's law school.

Tanner was set to play Dr. John Watson in the "Sherlock Holmes" play, which was canceled. Teague — whose wife, Fran Teague, was a longtime professor at the university — had also been a devoted member of the group, describing himself on his Web site as "a confirmed theater bum."

Attorney Hue Henry, who was also a member of the theater group and knew all the victims well, worked with Bruce and said his colleague was private about her personal life and didn't say much about Zinkhan.

"She loved to talk about her children but never talked about her husband or their relationship," Henry said in a telephone interview from Italy. "It never seemed like a very close relationship. But I never saw anything that indicated she might be in danger, nothing to make me worry about her."

___

Associated Press writers Harry R. Weber, Kate Brumback, Bernard McGhee and Shannon McCaffrey in Atlanta contributed this report.

We Send This Proffie a Big RYS Hug...


They are trying to steal my joy, but I will NOT let them.

I want to say, "FUCK YOU" to so many of them, it's not even funny. But instead, I'm just tired.

I'm tired of them taking a subject that I love and turning it into a chore.

I'm tired of wanting to cry on the drive there Monday night.

I'm tired of the whining for extra credit when they haven't done the CREDIT assignments.

I'm tired of the STUPID, INSANE, ASININE remarks that are made in lieu of the intelligent remarks that would come to mind if you READ THE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT. Yes, there are no "Right Answers" but there are intelligent comments. There IS a difference.

I'm tired of the stupid questions, "How do you spell Kierkegaard?" The way it was spelled in the fucking book, the one you were supposed to read BEFORE today.

I'm tired of watching you flip through the book to find the page I am on. (It reminds me of the way I flip through the bible in church when I visit - I'm agnostic. If the verse is in Exodus, I don't want to be looking in Revelations like a dumb ass. FYI - Here's what I do. I look at the program - syllabus - and find the selection in advance. So even if I don't know the bible, I will at least refrain from looking like an idiot when the time comes for us to read. You could do the same.)

I'm tired of you thinking that I won't notice that you stole work. You didn't read for the class, yet you expect me to believe that you read an outside source??? BITCH PLEASE! And, based on your essay responses in the test, this does NOT sound like you. Hell, it barely sounds like me, and I'm the instructor!

I'm tired of lecturing when I should be facilitating discussion.

I'm tired of reading passages aloud, because you haven't read them.

I'm tired of worrying that I'm grading you too hard because I hate you.

I'm tired of school and summer can't get here fast enough.

I'm looking forward to missing you, because that's the only way I can love you again. But there will be some first day of class smack down next semester. It will NOT go down like this again.

Effingham Edna Stands Up for Some Stand Up Campus Cops.


While I truly love the romp and stomp RYS is so famous for, I have to say that at my tiny Midwestern CC in the middle of a cornfield, our campus police are the most dependable men in the world.

This past week a pregnant student turned bright red, said her chest hurt and she felt like she couldn’t breathe, so I dialed the emergency number and in less than 3 minutes I had a campus police office, a nurse and oxygen tank in the room. The student was taken off in an ambulance and turned out to be okay, and we were all grateful, once again, that they come when called.

Obviously it’s not the same everywhere, but these guys have always promptly and dependably appeared when called. If there’s a problem in a class on Monday, you’ll find them outside “just in case” the next time the class meets.

One even walked the path from my car to my office to see if he could find my misplaced jump drives, and he was happy for me when it turned out they were under the couch at home. They don’t pamper us – I once got a warning ticket for parking so far over the “line” that I impinged on the spot next to me, and we can be ticketed for speeding, and have been.

But some campus police do their jobs.

Quick Links to Sunday Morning Stories on Athens Killings.



Net cast for Ga. prof suspected in fatal shootings. (Associated Press.)

Story posted at 4:32 AM Pacific.


By HARRY R. WEBER

ATHENS, Ga. (AP) — Authorities from Georgia to Texas had little to go on Sunday as they searched for a University of Georgia professor suspected of shooting his ex-wife and two other men to death outside a theater near campus.

Neighbors watched Saturday as SWAT team members, guns drawn, swarmed their tidy middle-class suburb about seven miles from the campus looking for 57-year-old George Zinkhan. But he wasn't in his home or office and hadn't used his credit or ATM cards.

After the shootings, the man described as an introverted, respected marketing professor dropped his children off with a next-door neighbor and vanished in his red Jeep, police said.

"We're doing everything we can to shut him down," said Athens-Clarke County Police Capt. Clarence Holeman. "I believe he will turn up somewhere, somehow."

Authorities were monitoring airports in case Zinkhan tried to head to Amsterdam, where he owns a home, or Austin, Texas, where he has relatives.

"Anyone who shoots three people is dangerous, that's the best way I can put it," Holeman said.

Zinkhan had his son and daughter with him when he went to the Athens Community Theater on Saturday afternoon but left them in the Jeep as he fired at members of a local theater group, Holeman said.

Holeman identified those killed as Zinkhan's ex-wife, Marie Bruce, 47; Tom Tanner, 40; and Ben Teague, 63. Flying shrapnel injured two others.

Zinkhan argued with at least one of the victims prior to the shooting, then walked away before returning with at least two different guns and opening fire, Holeman said.

Each victim was shot multiple times.

When Zinkhan dropped his children off, he told his neighbor, Robert Covington, only that he needed someone to watch them for about an hour because of an emergency.

Covington said when he asked Zinkhan's daughter about the emergency, "all she would relate to me was there was something about a firecracker."

Zinkhan and Bruce were still living together in the house with their children, Covington said.

Zinkhan, who has a doctorate from the University of Michigan, is a professor at UGA's Terry College of Business and had no disciplinary problems, university spokesman Pete Konenkamp said. Before joining the school in the 1990s, he held academic positions at the universities of Houston and Pittsburgh.

"His track record is impeccable as far as his teaching credentials," Konenkamp said. "He's a respected professor on campus."

The victims were all involved with the Town & Gown Players Inc., which had planned a Saturday evening performance of "Sherlock Holmes: The Final Adventure." The show was canceled after the shootings.

Tanner was set to be Dr. John Watson, and Teague described himself on a Web site as "a confirmed theater bum" for the group. Bruce, a family law attorney, had for years volunteered as a set designer and director.

Shane Clayton, a Town & Gown member, said the group was in shock, describing Bruce as "very outgoing, very high-spirited" and Tanner as a wonderful guy.

Athens attorney Ed Tolley said he and Bruce, who graduated from the University of Georgia's law school, worked on cases together.

"She was a wonderful person," Tolley said, "Redheaded, very attractive, very professional, and a wonderful mother."

Dana Adams, who lives across the street from Zinkhan, said she didn't know the family well, but described the professor as "kind of a strange character," who would sometimes walk off in the middle of a conversation.

"But I would never suspect this," she said.

Associated Press writers Shannon McCaffrey, Walter Putnam, Bernard McGhee and Daniel Yee in Atlanta contributed to this report.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

U of Georgia Professor Sought in Athens. Three Dead (Including Shooter's Wife), Three Injured at Community Theater.

**Update 8:38 PM Pacific: Victim Update.

---+---
**Update 5:28 PM Pacific: Athens Banner Herald Story.

---+---


**New Details. Update 5:10 PM Pacific. From AFP.

Witnesses told the [Atlanta] Journal-Constitution [Zinkhan] argued with an unidentified man at the Athens Community Theater before he left and returned minutes later brandishing two handguns.

The people killed were identified by a theater company official as Marie Bruce, 47 -- Zinkhan's wife -- Ben Teague, 63, and Tom Tanner 40. Bruce and Tanner were officials in the theater company.

"We watched it happen," witness Beth Kozinsky told the paper. "We were all in shock." She said the theater company was hosting a homecoming lunch for current and former members at the time.

The two people wounded in the shooting were not in serious condition, Athens-Clarke County Police Department Captain Clarence Holeman told the daily. Local police did not immediately respond to calls from AFP.

Zinkhan and Bruce were married with two children, aged eight and ten, a neighbor of the couple told the daily. After the shooting Zinkhan took the kids to another neighbor's home, the neighbor said.

Holeman said the two children were now in police custody.

---+---

Various Links

CNN Video on Athens Killings.



Victims Identified.



One of the victims in the Zinkhan shootings was Zinkhan's wife, Marie Bruce, an Athens attorney, and a regular actor in the community theater where the shootings took place.

The other two vitims were Tom Tanner and Ben Teague, other members of the theater troupe.

The photo of Marie Bruce comes from 2002.

"Where's My Study Guide?" Check the Mirror.


Ugh, honestly? I think a recent posting on snowflakes waiting patiently for a study guide might have been written by my roommate or her boyfriend. Both of them were convinced that they needed to OMG APPEAL TO THE DEPARTMENT HEAD OR THE DEAN!!! because a professor of theirs didn't finish a study guide for their foreign language course until 8 pm the night before the exam (the horror!). I pointed out the fact that um, well, they could probably study without a guide if they wanted, and he said, well, of course we could but a study guide would narrow down the topics and make it sooo much easier. You are in a foreign language course. What do you think is going to be on the exam? "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Also, LOL at the comparing a Professor who sends out a late study guide to a snowflake who uses the Facebook excuse, because a Professor who is teaching multiple classes, who still has grading to do and other end-of-the-year responsibilities, not to mention they are probably putting up with wonderful students like this who email them constantly going "where's my study guide??!!" or something equally inane=totally equal to undergrad who finishes an assignment late because they were on Facebook.

{*}


Let us not lose sight of the real horror of your recent student email concerning study guides.

Why on earth do profs prepare them anyway? To make it easier on students? When I went to school the study guide was me, my notes, and my memory. I didn't have a "teacher" rounding up my scattered thoughts and "narrowing" down the topic so I'd have a better chance of passing.

God-amighty, the wheels have come right off, haven't they?

{*}


I think one of my students said it best, when someone asked for a study guide. He held up his notebook and said "this is the study guide." He was right. If you've been taking notes, you have produced a study guide. But if you're a lazy little snowflake, I've made a study guide you can print out and use for any class: *Know the important concepts listed in the course objectives.*Be able to apply any of the problem solving processes we've gone over in class.*Read the following pages in your test: [insert all assigned readings here]*Make a list of topics I've spent time on in class; they're important. There, and that'll get you through all of college. You're welcome.

{*}


Here's the solution: go to every class, take notes, read the books, do the assignments, pay attention, ask questions, don't miss a thing. If you do this, you won't have to study as much because you will have already been exposed to all of the material. It's not your professor's fault that you are cramming, nor is it his fault that you don't have a study guide. I don't think I've ever asked for a study guide in my life. Good luck with your finals. There's always next semester...brat.

Who Said Being a Poet Was Such a Picnic? Bitter Betty From Bella Vista.


I know the academic job market for creative writing MFAs is small, and I'm aware that by all rights it should probably be smaller -- what is America going to do with all these well-certified storytellers and poets, anyway?

What annoys me is that I, a lowly non-tenure earning freshman-comp teaching lecturer, have out-published my English Department's entire MFA faculty *combined* in the last year, and there isn't a hope of a real job here, not in a million years. Why? They would never take the chance on hiring someone who would actually make any of them look bad.

Oh sure, they could hire another poet, but the current poet wouldn't let that happen, because new poet might show up current poet and make him look bad. Oh sure, they could hire another fiction-writer, but heaven forbid the new fiction writer actually publishes a story somewhere, the current fiction writer would look awful poorly in comparison.

So what do they do when hiring opportunities arise? Let's hire... a playwright! Let's hire... a translator! Let's hire... a memoirist! The program's turning into a mediocrity variety pak (TM) while talented writers who publish regularly are teaching business writing and froshcomp, hoping in vain for an T-T job in-house to open up.

If I sound bitter, it's because it's taken me two and a half years to finally see this hard reality. What was I, naive? Guess so. Success is not always the route to success, and liking your employing U and trying to stay in the city you're in is a fool's errand. Mea culpa.

Show me the way to the Big Blind National Job Search Sweepstakes. I am done.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Latest Email from ISleptThroughClass.Com.


We continue to be amazed at the marketing power of ISleptThroughClass.com. We shared one of their videos a few months ago. They are in finals mode now, and sent along this coupon this morning.

"That's Easy. I Believed I Was Going to Make a Difference. Then I Woke Up." Replies to This Week's Big Thirsty on a Semester Re-Do.


Here are a few of our favorite replies that came in to yesterday's Big Thirsty on getting a re-do on this fast-ending semester.

  • My big fuckup? Spreading myself too thin - or, alternatively, not using my time wisely. I'm a brand-new professor, and even though I'm in a visiting position, I'm trying to make the most of it. So this semester, I taught 3 classes and tried to get my research going again. Didn't get as much done as I wanted and I feel like everything might have suffered a little as a result. Nothing huge, but not what I planned either. I got buried by grading toward the end of the semester, didn't get as much data collected as I wanted, and might have let my advanced class skate a little - not a lot, but a little. Still. Grrr. Bad professor. What will I do to fix it next semester? I need assistants. I need to delegate. Not only can I not feasibly do it all myself, I shouldn't be expected to. I need to recognize that there is a support system for me to be as productive as I can and so I need to be less of a damn control freak. I suppose there are far worse problems to have.


  • What is the ONE thing I wish you could re-do this semester? Not be as sober as I have been. And how am I going to make sure I avoid the fuckup next semester? The nickel sale on red wines is on...I am going to run that credit bill up.


  • This past semester I tried to be more available to students by offering longer and more varied office hours. I had a couple of bad comments in the Fall about being "accessible," and my chair advised me to try something different. So I added hours in my office on days I didn't teach, one night time hour in the library, even one hour in the coffee shop. The results? 3 student visits of 3, 6, and 12 minutes. That's for the semester. But I did get a nice sore ass!


  • Oh I could write this one EVERY semester. I believed several of the lies my students told me. How am I going to fix it? I'm not. If they want to lie to me, there's nothing I can do. I just apply reasonable grading standards and ignore the bullshit. You might do the same.


  • I took the advice of my department chair and adopted the NEW, HOT textbook in my field. It's a piece of crap, so indulgent and memoir-like that I felt that I should join a book club rather than actually teach from it. I'm going to fix it by selling the crap on Half.com and then going back to a more traditional text.


  • I taught at least two classes a little more drunk than I should have been. I know that sounds like a joke, but since my divorce I've been having a harder and harder time being in public, speaking to people, and a couple of drinks makes it possible for me to go into that room. I know I have to fix it, change it.


  • Being new to Facebook, I commented about some student's inane ramblings and "top 5" lists, but did it somehow on my "Wall" where everyone - including the student - saw me call her a stupid bitch. I'm no longer on Facebook. It's too fast moving for an old hippie like me.


  • I got married in the middle of the semester! What a mess. And I don't mean it was hard because of all of the events. It was murderous to find a way not to invite some horrible and unwanted colleagues because everyone was buzzing about the event all the time. In the end I had 8 people at my wedding who I hate, and who I know all just came for the free food and booze. How will I fix it? Next time I get married it'll be in the summer...LOL.


  • I've seen absences this semester as never before. So I would've added an attendance policy to my syllabus. Illness: you must have documentation that you were too sick to attend. Two unexcused absences: you drop a letter grade. Had I kept to such a policy, I would have had either much better attendance or almost no students left in my classes. Either way, it would've been an improvement.


  • I had coffee with a student who I knew had a little crush on me. I agreed and I knew it was a mistake immediately. But I didn't want to back out because that might send a signal I was freighting the adventure with too much import. So we went and the colleague who envies my research the most saw us. Now I see him snickering behind my back whenever he gets the chance.


  • My biggest fuckup this quarter: I looked at my student evaluations from last quarter. My office walls are now quite beat up from all the impacts from my forehead. Unfortunately, I don't think this is fixable - I'll probably look again next time, and have to go through all the pain all over again.


  • It was the semester I joined the all-powerful Curriculum Committee, the big mama of all committees. We had someone drop out for personal reasons and I was drafted in. I was told how important the work was, how central to the college's mission my efforts would be. And I got invested. I read what I was supposed to read, did the busy work that often falls to the "new girl," and in the end every single one of our ideas and initiatitives was killed by a Napoleonic Dean who thought our ideas were too "faculty-centric." So, this committee, like other committees, is a big waste of time. I'll remember that next year.


  • What went wrong? That's easy. I thought I was going to make a difference. I was going to raise the level of discussion, get these students really involved in the material, help them love the field like I do. I prepped my ass off, had a variety of methods to bring instruction to them. I started the semester on fire. After the first week I woke up. They didn't give a shit, would NEVER give a shit. I'd always have a bunch of half-sober 20 year olds in front of me trying to game the fucking grade out of me, and I'd always be the only one in the room who gave a shit. Nice, huh? How will I fix it? Well, check with me in 30 years when I get to retire. Maybe I'll have figured out something by then.


  • I had sex with another unmarried colleague. Being the only single members of our department, we somehow kept ending up together. He's not unattractive of gross or anything, but he's not long term material. But we were in Chicago at a conference, and it just happened after one of those insane mixers. (Karaoke was involved.) When we came back to the college he was acting like he was my boyfriend or something. It was unseemly. I hate myself for doing it. I've been avoiding him and he's not taking the hint. I'm praying I can get to the end of the semester and just disappear for months. He sends me emails that start with, "Hi, bunny..."

"I Think I Just Threw Up In My Mouth A Little Bit." The BFF Professor.



  • Oden from Oklahoma is right. There is something very unseemly about the co-dependent relationship the BFF Professor has established with her student. I at least understand the libidinous attraction that dirty old proffies have for young students, but the BFF Professor is a mess of inappropriate and emotional attachment.


  • I have to admit that I'm a little nauseous. If the professor in your recent posting is real, then she needs a mental health professional - perhaps a whole team.


  • Gross.


  • I see this sort of behavior in many of our childless faculty, both male and female. There's something not satisfied in their own parental urges, and they take it out on sometimes willing, but not fully developed young adults. It's abuse.


  • I'm a licensed family therapist in addition to being a full time prof, and the professor in question has got some severe issues she needs to deal with before inflicting herself on any more students in her classes. I could not even imagine what is missing in her makeup, but her language about and actions toward the student are nothing short of pathological.


  • I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Somebody fire this ditz.


  • I am wary to enter this fray, but the professor involved is suffering some kind of transference disorder, and seriously needs to examine why she's creating this inappropriate and possibly damaging bond with a student in her care.


  • What scares me the most about your recent post about "BFFing students" is that I see more than a little of myself in that professor. And it scares the shit out of me.


  • WAY OVER THE LINE.


  • The professor in your recent BFF post has got unresolved issues of some kind, and she's absolutely a negative force in the student's life.


  • Is there any way you can convince Oden from Oklahoma to reveal the blogger's identity. This is more than just a joking matter. The professor in the story has overstepped her role and has put herself in the student's life in an unprofessional and inappropriate manner.


  • If I didn't know better, I'd bet the professor in Oden's post is someone who has an office across the hall from me. This professor, who likes to be called "Mom" by students and colleagues alike, has an enormous whiteboard outside her office where her students leave her - what can only be called - "mash" notes. She and her "favorites" huddle in the darkened office reading poetry to one another, drinking tea. If someone - like another professor - goes in the open door to ask a silly question (about the academic career we're all involved in) the occupants flash deer-in-the-headlight looks as if they've just been awakened from a seance. I stay away from the door as much as possible.


  • Is there any question that this is an English professor we're talking about, a self-styled life-coach to the students? Ridiculous.


  • You've pulled another April Fool's day prank? Please tell me it's so. If the Professor/BFF heroine is real, then there is no hope left for the academy.


  • I know that Oden from Oklahoma makes a case for there being no sexual component to the insane writings (public? on a blog?) by this professor, but I don't know why we have to believe that. I mean, wine and dinner at the professor's house? To discuss an essay?Weeping. Hugging. "She's amazing"? If the situation involved the more traditional coupling of a male prof (married or not) and a female student, we'd have the University Ombudsman on the line.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Worst Department Ever? The Early Leader is Ingrid from Iowa.


I teach at a SLAC in the Midwest, a genial and welcoming town where I felt lucky to arrive a few years ago. My time here has been relatively pleasant. The students are fine. I found a husband - unexpectedly - in the athletic department. All in all, I'm glad I came.

But if you're looking for the worst department ever, I think I have a shot.

Louis the Lech: Oh, this one's easy. Louis is 50, bald, fat, smelly, and hands-y. He has the pervy, skeevy look, the tight polyester pants, and a little bit of drool always on his bottom lip. While I can't confirm he diddles in the student pool, his "holiday hugs" linger way longer than any female faculty can stand.

Dina the Ditz: Dina is our department secretary. She is not quite as cunning as, say, an international terrorist, but it's close. Dina will lose any paperwork you turn in to her, especially textbook orders, which she insists must go through her. I've started to turn in two sets, one right to the bookstore, after she sabotaged 2 semesters in a row. She'll tell you what our married colleagues are up to - in the bedroom or otherwise - without you asking. Her hours are 9-4, but she actually works about 10-3, the other time being spent smoking in the faculty bathroom. She often tells students incorrect information. "I think Prof. So-n-So cancelled class." "I'd bet your professor wouldn't mind if you were late." "Sure, turn in your final exam to me." (It was lost.)

Persistently-Perky Patty: The colleague I hate most. Patty bubbles happiness. She farts a little happy tune. Her burps form a fuzzy cloud of cotton candy. She thinks our mediocre college is the "greatest!" She thinks her students are worthy of the Ivy League. She thinks one day we'll be recognized as the "finest liberal arts college in the country," even though that's absolutely laughable. She has this blind self-confidence in herself as well. "My students are in love with me," she says. She stops in my open door sometimes after class, breathless, and says, "Oh my, we had the greatest class. The little darlings were laughing hysterically when I told them about [dull as ditchwater story about her trip to Italy].

Forgetful Fiona: Our esteemed chair. Fiona's actions might seem to some Machiavellian, but I think she's just stupid. She promises the same classes to the same people often. In my first semester here I walked into a classroom where another professor had set up shop - TWICE. She's no better than Dina at keeping paperwork you give her, so it's almost like throwing it in the roadway. You will occasionally see her racing through the hallway at 10:30 am trying to get to her 10 am class - which she's forgot about. I've seen the Dean outside her office door for a meeting, but she'd gone home for the day. But she's so pleasant about it. If I had the skill, I'd cultivate some of her ability to escape sanction. She just shrugs and offers the lamest grin when she's fouled up. "Oh, dear," she says. "Was that supposed to be today?"

Quit-Already Quenton: Quenton gave up on the profession in the 80s, and he'll tell you all about it. It doesn't matter how bad your class goes, or how stupid your students are, Quenton can top your story for you, and doesn't hesitate. He thinks our college sucks. He thinks the President is a layabout, spending too much time on campus when he should be "out there," bringing in better students. He was a breath of fresh air when I had my first bad semester here, but he's worn me down with his endless and creative stories about how the "profession" ruined his own chances to be a great scholar. "I had so much potential, but the grindstone broke me." It's "grindstone" this, "grindstone" that. I don't even think he's using it correctly. It seems to mean that the world has worn him down. Everything's the grindstone to Quenton, students, colleagues, the Dean, the President, scholars in his field. He's got at least 15 years to retirement, and I suppose he could get worse, but I don't see how.

Weeping Wendy: I became a mentor the day Wendy arrived in our department. The only person junior to me here, she's about as emotionally developed as a 12 year old. Her first crying jag came during her first semester. She scurried into my office, closed the door, and wailed for the better part of the afternoon because of the "disrespect" her students showed her. I was able to suss out that they'd asked her a question - end of story. She bawls at convocation and graduation. (It's all too much for her.) Some people I know think she fakes it for sympathy and attention, but I've seen her doubled over, her body racked with spasms. She's had several "love affairs" in town since arriving here. Each time the man has broken her heart, even if they only dated a couple of times. There was the guy she met at the grocery store (a manager) who didn't tell her that he had been married once before (they'd had ONE date). There was the guy who apparently gave her the impression he was a bank manager, not a teller. There was a guy from a nearby town who claimed she was clingy. (In my office she bawled, reached out across my desk toward me, and said, "I'm not clingy, AM I?")

This Week's Big Thirsty. A Variation On a Theme. A "Re-Do Redux."


I've done it again, ruined the semester for most of my students and myself (and wife, and dog, and baby Ike).

I never learn. Or I DO learn, but then forget. So I turn to RYS for help.

Let us share the one thing we fucked up this term AND the thing we'll do next term to fix it. Let's keep it short. (Those LONG replies make my eyes hurt.) Let's share these horrors so that we can feel better about ourselves AND reinforce the shared lessons.

Q: What is the ONE thing you wish you could re-do this semester? And how are you going to make sure you avoid the fuckup next semester?

A: Send replies here.

RYS Crime Beat!


Real Mail. Real Student. Real Delicious.


We have countless readers who insist that surely some of the pieces that appear here are made up, fakes, whole-clothed into being for comic fun. And we must tell you, if we were that clever we'd make them all up. Alas, it's reality that is the greatest entertainment of all. And today we share a note from a real student with a topical concern. Oh, the elixir pours freely here at the compound tonight.


Here at my uni, it's finals week. Two of my professors promised to send me study guides for my final exams. In both cases, the study guides were not sent until the night before the exam.

Should I count on using the promised study guide in preparations for the exam? Or should I suck it up and just study everything that could conceivably be covered on the final? Are we students lucky to get such a valuable resource in the first place? Or should professors follow through with their promises and discourage cramming by providing helpful material in a timely fashion?

Procrastination seems to be the bane of every student's existence, and it's the least acceptable excuse to any proffie that has to hear a snowflake complain about how distracting Facebook is. How can a professor who condemns anyone who utters the "P" word promote cramming like this?

This is my first time writing to RYS, and I would appreciate some feedback. Thanks

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

How Close is Too Close? Oden from Oklahoma Wonders About BFFing Your Students.


I read with real delight the recent Katie from Kalamazoo madness, (and the excellent Lakeland Lex smackdown), because she's the type of professor I hate the most. The arrogance in every line of her post just flabbergasts me. What color is the sky on her planet?

Now, mind you, I love teaching, love students, but am not deluded enough to get to the "place" in Katie's world where I'm hugging and crying with them like they're BFFs. But I have colleagues who do get there, and I'd like to try and discourage them from that sort of insanity.

I don't know the age range of the RYS readership, but surely some folks remember proffies from their own college days. Were you hugging back then? I wasn't. There was a respectful distance between professor and student, and it made sense. The informality and "friendships" that spring up are - in my eyes - a deterrent to any real work being done. Now, if a prof is in the business to assemble a little coterie of sycophants and child-replacements, well then that's part of the problem right there.

So, I sometimes find myself cruising other academic blogs (sorry, RYS, but you aren't my only *love*), and I came across a Katie-Klone droning on about one of her own students. And while the post was fraught with "real" feeling and "real" emotion about the important "scholarship" the adult and the 19 year old were able to do "together," there was something so horribly wrong about the blogger's language.

I may joke about the topic, but I honestly think that some sort of intervention is necessary for someone who writes the following. I've anonymized the text to make it difficult to track down the unfortunate writer. I truly don't want to single this professor out; I want to shine a light on the whole idea of desiring these emotionally-drenched "friendships" with students, especially undergrads. And a further note, there is not even a hint of any sexual inappropriateness in the original text. I know that a cursory reading of the text might suggest that, but the female professor who wrote the text below is married and has the requisite photos of a sandal-wearing neo-hippie husband and their melange of kids, cats, and a minivan. There's something way more untoward involved below than just your run-of-the-mill crush on a student.

[*]


I love her. Seriously, we're true friends. I know it's strange, because I'm a professor, and it could be weird for some, but this is real. She's not just any old undergrad. She's someone I'd want in my own "crew."

While we were working on her last essay, I could tell the heavy editing and criticism I was offering was really hurting her. I saw how she felt and hugged her. She hugged me back and I nearly cried. We spent another hour and half in my office talking, some of it about the work, but really it was just two friends hanging out. She agreed to come over to my house the next night to continue talking about her progress in the class, but also for dinner and some wine.

At first I think she was worried about her grade, but when she realized that she was about the best student I'd ever had, and that I was really just getting involved because I wanted her work to be as good as it could be, we just went to a whole new level of understanding. She's so amazing, and she tells me the same thing about me.

This is why I teach, I think, not to be a famous scholar, or to teach at a bloated Ivy, but to help my students become what they can be. I've loved taking her to a place to which she never dreamed she could go. And inviting her into my own private place for wine and talk is the ultimate prize in my career.

Worst Department Ever? "Everyone Drools." Put-Upon Pete from Paris (Not THAT One) Offers an Early Thirsty.


Occasionally we get this query and we thought we'd turn it over to our readers:

I love bashing students, and watching others bash students, but isn't the worst part of being a "proffie" being in these crazy departments?

I look around at my colleagues in other departments and other buildings. They get along. Nobody shorts the coffee club any money. They smile and laugh. They lounge in their offices laughing and grinning at the good fortune they have being surrounded by like-minded goodfolk.

But, me, I'm in a nest of freaking vipers. Everyone's mean. Everyone is trying to screw me out of my copier budget. Everyone drools.

Q: I need to know that there is somebody out there with a worse set of colleagues. Could you do a brother a favor and find out for me? Who's got the worst group of malcontents? (Extra karma points for describing their worst habits...)

A: Send replies here (anonymizing can be provided, but we prefer you do your own...)

One More on Late Converts.


I'm disappointed, but not very surprised, to see the negative tone in responses last week to the possibility that a student might - through sheer will - make a comeback in a nearly completed class.

Is there not more joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, and so on...? Still, I understand how people feel. The very first year I taught full-time in university, I was faced with the same question. I had a student email me, perhaps two weeks before the exams. He was totally upfront about it: "I know I haven't been to any of your lectures, and I know it's cheeky of me to even ask, but have you any suggestions to help me get through the exam?" (This was in the prehistoric days of our institution, when the exam was a 100% pass-or-fail exercise.)

My instinct was, of course, to cut him loose. He was right. It did feel like cheek, and what made it especially galling was that I was so junior, and I felt my youth and my desire to make a good impression before tenure were being exploited. But I was a tyro, and I thought I should at least get one of the grown-ups to cover my rear. So I asked a very senior colleague whom I'd quickly grown to respect, and he reminded me (gently, but emphatically) that my job was always to teach them, no matter how late they came by. Their failure, he suggested, should be the result of their own poor choices, not of mine: it was his choice not to come to classes, and he could live or die by that decision, but if I made the choice not to give him even the minimal assistance I could manage at that stage in the semester, then I'd implicated myself in his failure.

I saw my colleague's point, and got back to him with a pared-down reading list, a list of lecture topics, and some brief suggestions as to the key themes and questions he should ask himself about them. But what do you know, but he came good on the day. His strategy had clearly been to concentrate on something like 50% of the material, and to pray enough of it came up on the paper to get him through. Prayer didn't help him: he was only able to answer just over half the questions he needed to. But sheer hard work got him through: somehow (God alone knows how) he had acquired enough knowledge about those topics, and had enough native wit and analytical skills to say intelligent things about course material, to scrape the barest possible pass.

I still don't know how he did it: it would have been beyond me. It's also been beyond any student that's come my way with a similar story since. But at least I now have an inspiring anecdote to tell every Barry Belated and Roisin Regrets who comes through my door, begging for a last-minute miracle. I like the moral of the story: "You want a pass off me? You can have it. Just work your ass off to fit 15 weeks learning into 2, and it's yours." And I also appreciate what my mentor tried to get across to me. That pass wasn't mine, it was his, and he had earned it by somehow doing 15 weeks' work in 2. But by the smallest investment in my time, I had made myself a stakeholder in his success, whereas if I had taken the low road and done nothing, I would equally - and culpably! - have been a stakeholder in his failure.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mark from Macon on The Quality of Mercy.


So there you have it: the difference between passing and failing in my subject is a cartoon of Russell Crowe killing a lion. Would your readers think I discarded the academic integrity of my discipline, or was it a justified and merciful decision to give a student the benefit of the doubt?


Merciful? Perhaps. Justified? How would one justify it?

Any given semester, probably 90% of my students would like a higher grade than they received. Would I be willing to raise all their grades of my own initiative, out of the desire to be merciful? Or would I only look back over the grades of those who were within, say, .1% of the next grade? .25%? .5%? .09%? Or would I only raise the grades of those who came to see me and asked me to raise their grade? Or would I only raise the grades of those who might otherwise not get credit for the course? Or would I only raise the grades of those who might get into a better law school with a + next to their B? Or would I only raise the grades of those who would lose their scholarship without getting rid of the - next to their C?

Perhaps I might raise the grade of those students who suffered personal hardships, or were ill, or had deaths in their families. Perhaps I might raise the grades of those students whose athletic prowess is essential to the success of a university team.

There is an argument to be made for each. But there is also an argument to be made against each. What seems to me important in either case, and from an institutional perspective, is that how we treat each individual student be how we would treat all students. Otherwise, you leave yourself open to the charge of being arbitrary (what principle could you adduce to justify raising this grade, and not many others?), or engaging in favoritism. If you went back and dug for points for this student, why not all the other ones?

And what would you say to them if they asked you, Why not me? As importantly, what would you say to an administrator who asked, Why them? One can, as Portia might well do, respond with something like the claim that justice isn't just about rules, or pounds of flesh. But unless one is actually as wise as Portia, one is going to run into difficulties.

Lex from Lakeland On Kalamazoo Katie, Diamonds, Coal, and Who Gets the Credit.


We got a lot of mail last night about Kalamazoo Katie's return to the site. Most of it went like this.

It's interesting that in celebrating your student's award, you managed to take credit for her success. Her achievement was the result of your outstanding teaching, and you even feel free to call yourself her hero. How on earth will there be room for your student on the dais, next to your enormously inflated sense of your own importance?

None of this is to minimize your student's achievement or to completely disregard your role in helping her transform herself into a star student. But unless you teach only one student a year, I'm guessing that most of your charges have not done as well. This is not to blame you but to recognize that for every one superstar student, we toil over a few dozen duds. Why is this student worth celebrating? Because hers is an unusual case. Either you spent untold hours unsuccessfully working your magic on coal that refused to transform itself into diamond, or else even you, self-kudosing Katie, gave up on most of those lumps early on, choosing only those bits of coal most likely to shine. So which is it? Do you have students who have disappointed you in spite of your best efforts, or do have students you've abandoned in your favoring of the select few? What's the real story, Kate?

You're right that we ought to celebrate successes when they occur, and to remind ourselves that all is not a lost cause. But I think we ought to do it honestly, acknowledging that the ending is not always happy, and that our Cinderella students often ignore our bippity-boppy wand-waving and choose instead to wallow in the ashes. We should also celebrate our students' successes selflessly, in full recognition that the decision to do the hard work--no less than the doing of the work itself--belongs to them. And that, I would suggest, is the cause of so much of our frustration: we encourage and mentor and direct and advise and teach our f'ing hearts out, and we know if our students would but try, would just see the potential, they too might transform themselves. That so many of them opt to remain coal is what drives many of us to articulate our frustrations here.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Campus Police Threaten to Arrest Proffie...For Trying to Teach.


Though I have plenty so say about snowflakes, Facebook, and the like, my principal gripe is about the phenomenon of campus police at a small regional university. I teach in a western state, where trucks, cowboy boots, and football are less fashion statements than a religious affiliation. Not surprisingly, our tiny campus (which you could cover on foot in about 10 minutes) is patrolled by a half dozen brand new, black SUV's emblazoned with "CAMPUS POLICE" on the side. Despite budget cuts and hiring freezes, these yahoos receive a new patrol vehicle each year, and are rarely seen outside it--except when they roll into the university center for free snacks. Needless to say, these officers have utter contempt for faculty (whom they see as elitist) and never respond to calls, e-mails, or face-to-face appeals to unlock buildings, doors, or to turn off ear-splitting fire alarms which inexplicably go off in the middle of class.

Yet I only witnessed their complete and utter disregard of the university this weekend, when I went to campus to teach my once-a-month "upward bound" class which teaches at-risk regional high school students. I've been doing this for a year, and we have the same classroom the same day at the same time. Today, however, the entire building is overrun with high school teachers who are having some kind of testing. The university didn't communicate this to anyone in the department, nor were alternative arrangements found for my class or my students. Upon entering the building, I was told I was "not allowed to be here" and "had to leave at once." I identified myself and explained my purpose in being here, only to be told that "the police are on their way," and that "I would have to talk to the administrator." After getting phone calls from the Upward Bound director that students are being told to "get lost," I confronted the administrator and an overzealous member of the campus police, both of whom tell me to "calm down," "be quiet," and "leave the building immediately." The officer was antagonistic to me before I even opened my mouth, and had clearly been informed I was a menace. When I persisted, he said I could have another room "somewhere," but I couldn't stay here (even though the testing was occupying three rooms in a building that has over 50 classrooms). I became very hostile, explaining that the classroom we used was specific to our class's needs--we needed a "smart" room with DVD and Powerpoint capability; otherwise, half of my lesson plan was shot. "Well, I can get you a BLACKBOARD," he barked. When I made a sarcastic comment about "teaching in the 21st century," he approached me and said, "sir, if you disrespect me one more time I'll be forced to arrest you." And he crossed his arms in front of me as if to say, "fuck with me, please."

I was offered a small, dark classroom in the "fashion merchandising" department, which indeed, had a small blackboard but little else. My 30-odd high school students barely fit, and after the drama of the morning, were incapable of focusing on the day's lesson. Though I complained to my chair, my dean, and my president, I don't expect anything tangible to come of this--not even a simple apology for not informing Upward Bound about the scheduling "conflict." On my campus, the unpresponsive police are apparently at the beck and call of total strangers (the administrator I confronted was not employed by the university) and then only to eject students and professors from simply doing their job. When the police are needed to facilitate the teaching of classes, they are nowhere to be found--no doubt patrolling the fringes of classes for drunken students or young women to whistle at (as has been reported). Is this what we've come to, a campus that exists solely as a playground for a handful of reject police officers (many of whom attend or attended this very university!) to take vengeance on a professor who once gave them a 'D' in English Composition--or simply to ignite the anti-intellectual fires so common here? I am curious to know how his universal this issue is, or if it's exclusive to my region of the country...

Virgil from Vacaville Returns To Tell Us How Russell Crowe Saved a Snowflake's Ass.


The piece on saving students this late in the semester reminded me of one of my favourite stories about the thin, thin line between passing and failing.

Five or so years ago, there was a student on our survey course in Classical Civilization who ended up just one mark below the minimum possible pass (399 out of 1000, where 400 was the passing mark, in our quaint European way). I ran the course at the time, though it was team-taught, and, mindful of Portia's words in the Merchant of Venice about the quality of mercy not being strained, looked through all his papers to see if there was anywhere I could find one extra mark to get him over the top.

So I came to a piece he had written on the Colosseum, under exam conditions, worth 100 marks out of the 1000 overall. He had written simply, "I know nothing about the Colosseum, but here's a picture of a lion eating Russell Crowe." Below was the aforementioned drawing, with a fairly detailed line drawing of the Colosseum in the background. My colleague had given this answer one mark.

I took it to him and asked why he considered it worth one mark. He replied, "One mark for knowing what the Colosseum looks like." I countered, "Would you give it two marks, because he also knows that gladiatorial combats and animal fights were staged there too?" He conceded the point, and the student had the 400 he needed to pass.

So there you have it: the difference between passing and failing in my subject is a cartoon of Russell Crowe killing a lion. Would your readers think I discarded the academic integrity of my discipline, or was it a justified and merciful decision to give a student the benefit of the doubt?

"Yay for Me!" Kalamazoo Katie Shares the Wonder of Her Professin' Powers.


I hate to barge into your never-ending whinefest, but I had to write with the kind of news your page should be sharing.

My favorite student from the past 2 years has jut been notified that she's won our uni's top academic award. She told me in my office and we hugged and cried like we were BFFs.

My student came into my class as a shy and timid wallflower, but during our time together (and the material we covered - DON'T DISMISS THE POWER OF JANE AUSTEN) she has blossomed into a wild and beautiful Michigan rose. It was hard work, but I'm glad I took the time with her. Many professors wouldn't have seen the diamond underneath the coal, but I saw she could achieve anything, I mean anything. At times I felt I wanted her success more than her, but instead of being bitter or annoyed, I kept pushing and challenging. I think it's the best teaching I've ever done in my life.

She's just freaking awesome. Like my best students, she's as good as any student at any top ten uni around here, and I even mean those stuckup Ann Arbor types - whoops. So many of my dunderhead colleagues think of us a mediocre state uni, but that's not what it's like in MY CLASSES.

And now we both have this tremendous honor. I will attend the ceremony as a co-conspirator, this great young woman's mentor and hero, and I couldn't be happier. (I'm tearing up just thinking about that scene!) I'm so proud of her and the teacher I've been to her.

That's what this page should be about.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Giga Pudding. Today's VidShizzle.

There is nothing more intoxicating to us than the idea of "bucket pudding." And if it makes our students come alive as it appears in the video, then count us in for a case.


Brad from Billings Makes a Case For Why "Comeback Students" Deserve a Break.


Unlike most of your recent big thirsty respondents, I think there is every reason to believe that a student who finishes a course in a much stronger position than he/she began it deserves to have a stronger grade than the simple average would indicate.

Let me lay out my criteria for why these apparently initially weaker students -- instead of snowflakes, let's call them "slushflakes," since they're not as delicate as their colder cousins -- deserve better treatment. I'm assuming here that the students in question have been at least moderately responsible participants in class discussion, that they haven't had mitigating (or exacerbating!) attendance circumstances, and that they have been merely plugging away without result until the last few weeks of class.

First, most classes are designed so that a student should have a given set of understandings, skills, facts, and/or analytical abilities at the end of the term. If the final exam and/or final project is well-designed, then it should be robust enough to discriminate between true understanding, no matter how late in developing, and the results of a particularly well-executed cram session. If a student can competently discuss Plato in a bluebook exam in May, why should we particularly worry that his/her quiz scores from January are a little low?

Second, some classes are intrinsically more difficult for certain students, who are after all heterogeneous in their experiences and training. It may be that, however good his/her intentions, the student simply didn't understand something until midway through the semester. Do we hold a failure to grasp displacement until the last minute against Archimedes? I'm guessing that nearly all readers of RYS have had at least one "Eureka" moment themselves. Why shouldn't students be allowed the same latitude?

Third, our impressions of students as "low-performing" based on quizzes and so forth from relatively early in the semester are probably being shaped by all sorts of cognitive quirks as well as by the structural flukes of early assignments. Most syllabi are structured so that they begin with relatively familiar concepts and progress to relatively unfamiliar ones; early high performance may be the result of prior acquaintance with those ideas, not superior learning. Similarly, stochastic processes might result in early high grades, and, consequently, positive impressions of students, but that's again no proof of learning. Exams toward the end of the class in a cumulative course should guard against such lucky hits.

Phillie from the Plains Is All About the Fatuousness of the Facebook Study.


The fatuousness of the "Facebook study" astounds me - as if there were no distractions before Facebook or, indeed, before the advent of personal electronics. In the old days, or so I'm told, students who wanted to avoid studying got drunk. In the really old days, they got drunk and duelled in the streets of Paris.

Students don't need Facebook to blow off studying, it just happens to be the time-waster du jour for those who were going to blow off studying anyway. Trying to establish some genuine causal link is the sort of fallacious thinking that would get a snowflake flunked in critical thinking class. Am I overweight because I keep extra candy bars in my coat pockets? No, I'm overweight because I eat too damn much, and it's this tendency - or, more precisely, my own determination to actualize the impulse - that leads me to keep myself constantly supplied with sugary death.

My own office is a miniature technology hub, as well, but, just as often, I use it for Good rather than Evil (whether that maps to studying/goofing off or vice versa is up to you). How about we just admit the obvious - that students who got bad grades and who use Facebook an inordinate amount of time would have, in bygone eras, been just as non-productive without the electronic assist? Like sad, aging Luddites, we blame Facebook for our woes while we grope for the geriatric vitamins and wax poetic about rotary-dial telephones, and yet we have the gall to be shocked - shocked! - when snowflakes display their snowflakery by saying things like, "I really meant to study, but I got caught up in Facebook! Oh, Professor, if it weren't for all these high-tech distractions, I could be a WONDERFUL student!"

Yeah, count me out. I use Facebook, and I'm happy to do so, but, having come of age before web browsers were even in common use, when I fall behind on my work, I know it's not the Evil, Evil Internets that caused it.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

"And With the D+ I'd Maintain My GPA and Win a Free Trip to Cabo!" One of Our Ongoing Series of Insane Student Emails.


I would like to know how you can make our points out of 400 when we did not even have the opportunity to earn 400 points. You never took attendance so you cannot say whether someone was there or not, you can only base it off of any assignments of extra credit we may or may not have gotten that particular day in which not ALL of the days did we have point activities.

So basically you are making up 50 some points or so and many people I have talked to in the class have different point totals on their grade until you put in the imaginary 390/400 cap. Without this cap of points that we DID not have I would have a D+ instead of a F now.

Explain to me how these points just appear? Honestly, because I am pretty sure we were not able to earn them? If you do not give me a D I will appeal and I have a friend in the class who feels the same.

I received all A's this semester and that includes an A- in Cognitive Processes with Professor Reasonguided who is a far better professor. If I can manage to excel in his class there is no reason for me to fail yours, and without your imaginary as I call it points that WE DID NOT GET TO EARN I would be fine. So can you please explain this to me or somehow justify your grading.

Why Does "Thanks for the Consideration" Always Sound Like Someone's About to Sell You Some Swampland?


This just in from a student I’d not heard from since January:

+++

I'd like to apologize from disappearing from the Monday night class as I did. A number of issues kept me from being able to complete the class, starting with falling behind right off the bat after adding the class late. As I had told you, I am the head coach of a high school wrestling team, and most of our matches are on Monday nights. So I missed some of the classes because of that.

Then, as fate would have it, my boys started to really wrestle well and made it to the district championships, and subsequently the state playoffs. This turn of events cost me another two classes, and I had then missed the mid term and two additional quizzes.

I never intended for this to happen, or I wouldn't have asked to add the class, but I'm sure you can appreciate the responsibility I had to my kids. I know I'm in no position to ask you for a favor after this semester, but as you know, I added this class because it was the only one I needed in order to graduate in May.

I'm wondering if there is any way at all that you would be willing to allow me to write a few papers or meet with you and make up some form of assignments in exchange for a C or D in the course. I know this is a lot to ask, and I understand if you would say no, but I've got a job opportunity lined up in June but that's contingent on me completing my certification. Obviously, I'd be willing to do any amount of work you'd see fit, and I'd work around your schedule. I look forward to hearing from you, and would really appreciate any help you'd be willing to give me. Thanks for the consideration.

+++

The punch line: he’s an education major!

Dr. Cougher from Calverton on Not Taking a Sick Day.


No amount of student audacity amazes the faithful readers of this site and, as a "Christmas and Easter" faithful reader of RYS, I generally figure no amount of student audacity should shock me. But, this morning I got the following gem of an email that caused me to crush my cup of ginger-lemon tea in anger:

"Dear Dr Cougher, I was realy offended how you came to class when you where still sick yesterday. You could make us sick too!!!!!! Can't you just cancel the class next time? Noone could understand you cuz youre voice was bad and noone of us understand the material anyways so we probably will get real sick for nuthing. And its almost exam time too!!!!!! we have other classes not just youres. Me and the other students sent a letter to your boss complaining about you being sick in class so maybe next time you can just cancel."

Really?! You were offended that I came in to teach you the last lecture before the exam? The review that you so pitifully begged for mere weeks ago? And now you're offended that I came in and croaked out a 2 hour review session on a basic topic you should already know about, so you could possibly pass the exam?

You make me sick.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Is It Too Late for a Student to Make a Comeback? The Mail Tells Us Probably So. Replies to This Week's Big Thirsty.


We received a mixed bag of replies to this week's big thirsty on Stevie Snowflake and his hypothetical desire to get back on the full credit train in your class. Sure, it's April, but can't a kid get a fucking break? About 2/3rds of our readers said, "Uh, no." We've chosen a few of the replies to give you the, you know, flava:


  • What would inspire me to pull Sorry Stevie from the brink of the abyss? Absa-fuckin-lootly-nuthin. Why? Its all about trajectory. Could Captain Hazelwood turn around the Exxon Valdez before it hit the reef? No. Why? Trajectory. If Stevie's bow is the effort he puts into the course, and his bow strings are the artifacts of work (assignments, midterm exams) to date, will his arrow (his hopes and dreams of a passing mark) hit the target? No. Why? Not enough zing in the string to move that arrow's trajectory to anyplace other than the muddy patch about 10 feet in front of the hay bale holding the target. Failing a course isn't all bad; often more is learned in failure than being saved from oneself.


  • Even at this point in the semester, I'm willing to reconsider Stevie Snowflake. He's already in trouble, of course, but I teach all 15 weeks, and if Stevie wants to work hard, reapply himself, do some work in an exemplary fashion, than I'd be incredibly dismissive of my role as an instructor to ignore his attempts.


  • Single act of contrition? Earn enough points to get the actual grade. Nothing absolutely nothing else will do. End of story.


  • I'm one who believes it's never too late. Even with just a final looming, I'm more interested in the strength of my students at the end of the semester than at any other time. My classes are often pre-reqs, and if they can do a great job on the cumulative final - even if they blew it earlier on - than I'm prone to moving them along. Anything else is just unfair.


  • Since I teach in a quantitative discipline, it’s easier to save a slacker – if he/she/it delivers. I always tell my students if they pass a cumulative final, they pass the course no matter what has happened before. Some of them actually pull through. Some, um, don’t. I would say that if you give them an assignment that integrates a fair amount of what you taught during the semester, if they do an acceptable job, that’s what a D- is for. Basically, if I give a D-, it means you probably failed, but at least covered the spread. What I don’t go for is the bullshit speeches they make a week before the final about how important the course is to them and how they want to do well. I ask them if I saw their face on a milk carton since those students usually don’t go to class until they realize they’re in deep shit. Save the speeches. Open a fucking book.


  • Ideal answer? Sincere contrition, willingness to do beaucoup make-up assignments, and a magical means of grading said make-up work without involving me. Real answer? A desire to avoid the hassle of flunking the brat. Answer I Sometimes Daydream About? Cash incentives.


  • There is no act of contrition that will make me turn around my dismissal of Sorry Stevie Snowflake. You get the grade for the work you have put in. I save my heart break for the 5 students in my lecture class who have had to withdraw from the course because of serious medical issues - including one young student who was diagnosed with cervical cancer but decided to complete her assignments. I'll work my ass off to help those students cross the finish line, but Stevie can just take the grade he so clearly deserves.


  • That's a really stupid question, and it promulgates the myth that we "give" grades or that students' grades are a function of how much we "help" them. The pity I feel for them is part of my humanity, not part of my grading scale. On top of that, if the student does poorly, he NEEDS to retake the class -- passing him does him no favors!! Shit, he might even need to drop out of college altogether!! Some of my best students are the ones who initially failed and then did a year or two in the "real world" before coming back with their asses distinguished from their elbows. Pity passing students denies them that ultimately positive experience. What carp.


  • It's the middle of April. I know my grades. I don't give a shit what the student says he/she is going to do. It's decided. If they wanted to pass, they should have done something about it before now. Flunk Stevie and go eat a sandwich.


  • What would melt my heart to help those who, all semester long, have been unwilling to help themselves? Nothing but the voice of God and requisite other miracles.

All Atwitter.


Damn you, kids! With your text messaging, your twitters, your Blueberries, your new-fangled MySpace Face Place! You’ve got no respect for classroom behavior! No sense of decency!

Back in my day, we went to class for the express purpose of learning. There was no chitter-chatter behind the professor’s back. No one chewed bubblegum and put it under the seat when it lost its flavor. No one passed notes back and forth. No one read the newspaper (or comics!) instead of the day’s assignment. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, came to class prepared and on time. And everyone was both brilliant and ready – nay, eager – to participate in class.

We had no social lives outside of the classroom, nothing to distract us from that most hallowed of activities – studying. No one listened to the radio, watched television, went to bars, dances or other social engagements that would take time away from our educational preparations.

So once more, I say “Damn you, kids!” Your entire generation is intellectually bankrupt and easily distracted by tiny glow-boxes. You’ll never learn, you’ll never care, and you’ll never be as great as we were, back in my day.

[*]


What kills me about twittering and the like is the appaling sense of entitlement students have when they're caught. "But I HAVE to," they wail. "My roommate needs my password." "My mom is having a boil lanced." "My dog is having puppies." Or my favorite so far this year: "The president is in my hometown!"


[*]


When our school got the emergency notification system, I too thought that my "no cell phones, period" policy was shot. I maintained my stance, however, by letting them know that *I* would monitor my cellphone for disaster emergency text messages, and if they ever notice that after I read a text message I run out of the classroom screaming, they would be wise to follow.

Programming Patty Straightens Out Insider Hiring.


Regarding the recent post concerning inside hiring, most universities have an affirmative action policy that requires them to post job openings even when they know they are hiring an inside candidate. Not only do they have to post the job publicly, but they have to go through the whole dog-and-pony show of forming a search committee, evaluating resumes, recommending finalists, and meeting with the group to winnow it down to the top contenders. Foregoing this charade is a serious violation of HR and/or federal affirmative action policy, so it must be done, even when there's an strong inside candidate.

I'm not outraged that Norm's colleagues followed procedure, but they should have given him a heads-up that there was a likely inside candidate, so that he didn't feel like such a stooge. The search committee should have reviewed Glen's resume and interviewed him along with the others - that's also typical HR policy. But Norm's only mildly vexed about his unecessary (but interesting!) work, and about the fact that Glen is less qualified than the candidates he selected.

His main complaint is on behalf of the applicants: "What about those folks? How would they feel to know that our committee acted out a little fiasco in order to give Glen the job they all thought they were applying for?" They'd feel dissappointed but would it be more dissappointing than if another outside candidate were hired? Don't they realize than an inside candidate often has an advantage? Or is it more dissappointing when an insider gets the job?

I'd generally support promoting a hard-working adjunct to a TT position, but from Norm's description, Glen is less qualified than the other applicants. That's the part that would grate on me, not the whole charade, and I'm surprised that Norm doesn't mention whether or not Glen had to follow the same application procedures as any other applicant. If he did not, that's probably a violation of EOE policy and he might file a complaint with HR (that is, if he wants to be branded a troublemaker and suffer the consequences for the rest of his academic career).

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Oh Shit. Here's What's Coming. Today's VidShizzle.



Ruby from Richmond Says: "No Grade-Grubbing in Math and Science? Blogga Please!"


The suggestion that RYS posters bitch and moan about snowflakes because we're all humanities profs--whereas the scientists never face such problems--is ridiculous. Oh, you've got an "objective" grading system, and all problems are either correct or incorrect? I've got two words for you: partial credit.

As long as the concept of partial credit exists, there will be just as much grade-grubbing and other bullshit in science and math as there is in the humanities and social sciences. "But this problem was worth 10 points, and you gave me 7.5--and I think I deserve at least 8.5!"

I've taught both English and Biology at the college level, and I saw just as much undergraduate tomfoolery in each. I've had English students turn in the most obviously plagiarized papers you could dream of (It says, "See Figure 2," and your paper has no figures?), and I've had Biology students beg--literally, saying "I'm BEGGING you"--over half a point.

Yes, 2 + 2 = 4, and it sure sounds like science and math profs have a watertight way of preventing grubbing and snowflaking. If you wrote "2 + 2 = 5," you're wrong; end of story. But that's not what happens. Students who don't know the answer will do a data dump, giving you every equation they know, hoping that something at least earns them partial credit. They'll write, "2 + 2 = addition, so I take 2 and add 1 to it twice, which means it's 2 + 1 and then I'm going to add another 1, and that will be the answer, and 2 + 1 is 3, so it's 3 + 1, and my calculator ran out of battery during the exam and the kid I texted to ask to borrow his calculator didn't hear his phone ring because he was listening to his iPod, so the answer is 3 + 1 which is the same as 1 + 3 because addition is commutative."

Objective, easy grading? My ass.

This Week's Big Thirsty. What Would Insipre You to Save A Student This Late?


I sometimes switch off RYS feeling guilty. I relish the delicious tales. I hear the setup, and can't wait for the payoff. Another proffie wins. Another sad snowflake melts.

It is fun, and I totally think everyone who writes for the site has saved my sanity at least once.

But as my semester wears down, I find myself looking at the bedraggled remnants of my class - those hearty few - and I'm pulling for them. I want the worst of them to find it in their hearts or their heads to wise up, man up, whatever.

Q: So I put it to your readers. It's nearly the end. We've all pretty much decided what we think of our students. We could probably turn in grades today, before the final, and hit pretty close to the mark. But what if the worst of them could turn it around? What would it take you for your poor heart to break? What single act of contrition could Sorry Stevie Snowflake pull off at this point that would inspire you to help him save himself from failure?

A: Send replies here.

Honorary RYS Moderator: Anton Chekhov.


A little later another ring at the bell. Somebody comes into the hall, and is a long time coughing and taking off his things. Yegor announces a student. I tell him to ask him in. A minute later a young man of agreeable appearance comes in. For the last year he and I have been on strained relations; he answers me disgracefully at the examinations, and I mark him one. Every year I have some seven such hopefuls whom, to express it in the students' slang, I "chivy" or "floor." Those of them who fail in their examination through incapacity or illness usually bear their cross patiently and do not haggle with me; those who come to the house and haggle with me are always youths of sanguine temperament, broad natures, whose failure at examinations spoils their appetites and hinders them from visiting the opera with their usual regularity. I let the first class off easily, but the second I chivy through a whole year.

"Sit down," I say to my visitor; "what have you to tell me?"

"Excuse me, professor, for troubling you," he begins, hesitating, and not looking me in the face. "I would not have ventured to trouble you if it had not been . . . I have been up for your examination five times, and have been ploughed. . . . I beg you, be so good as to mark me for a pass, because . . ."

The argument which all the sluggards bring forward on their own behalf is always the same; they have passed well in all their subjects and have only come to grief in mine, and that is the more surprising because they have always been particularly interested in my subject and knew it so well; their failure has always been entirely owing to some incomprehensible misunderstanding.

"Excuse me, my friend," I say to the visitor; "I cannot mark you for a pass. Go and read up the lectures and come to me again. Then we shall see."

A pause. I feel an impulse to torment the student a little for liking beer and the opera better than science, and I say, with a sigh:

"To my mind, the best thing you can do now is to give up medicine altogether. If, with your abilities, you cannot succeed in passing the examination, it's evident that you have neither the desire nor the vocation for a doctor's calling."

The sanguine youth's face lengthens.

"Excuse me, professor," he laughs, "but that would be odd of me, to say the least of it. After studying for five years, all at once to give it up."

"Oh, well! Better to have lost your five years than have to spend the rest of your life in doing work you do not care for."

But at once I feel sorry for him, and I hasten to add:

"However, as you think best. And so read a little more and come again."

"When?" the idle youth asks in a hollow voice.

"When you like. Tomorrow if you like."

And in his good-natured eyes I read:

"I can come all right, but of course you will plough me again, you beast!"

"Of course," I say, "you won't know more science for going in for my examination another fifteen times, but it is training your character, and you must be thankful for that."

Silence follows. I get up and wait for my visitor to go, but he stands and looks towards the window, fingers his beard, and thinks. It grows boring.

The sanguine youth's voice is pleasant and mellow, his eyes are clever and ironical, his face is genial, though a little bloated from frequent indulgence in beer and overlong lying on the sofa; he looks as though he could tell me a lot of interesting things about the opera, about his affairs of the heart, and about comrades whom he likes. Unluckily, it is not the thing to discuss these subjects, or else I should have been glad to listen to him.

"Professor, I give you my word of honour that if you mark me for a pass I . . . I'll . . ."

As soon as we reach the "word of honour" I wave my hands and sit down to the table. The student ponders a minute longer, and says dejectedly:

"In that case, good-bye. . . I beg your pardon."

"Good-bye, my friend. Good luck to you."

He goes irresolutely into the hall, slowly puts on his outdoor things, and, going out into the street, probably ponders for some time longer; unable to think of anything, except "old devil," inwardly addressed to me, he goes into a wretched restaurant to dine and drink beer, and then home to bed. "Peace be to thy ashes, honest toiler."


- from "A Dreary Story."

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Facebook and Studying: Today's VidShizzle



Norman, Ex-Navy from Newport Beach on The Myth of the 18 Year Old Soldier/Adult.


I understand the thinking that the years of "in loco parentis" are long gone at most (all?) American colleges and universities, but wanted to point out a few facts related to the idea that 18-year-olds serve in the military and so 18-year-old students should be able to handle themselves away from home at college.

If there was ever a statement that shows how divorced many in academia are from the realities of the military - American or not, today or in any era of history - I'd have to say this is one of them.

First off, no one in any professional military organization in the West since - arguably - the 17th Century has been a free agent; the professionalization of the non-commissioned officers and commissioned officers corps that has been part and parcel of Western militaries since the emergence of the modern West occurred for exactly that reason.

The professional military tells the soldier or sailor when to get up, when to go to sleep, when to eat, what to eat, what to wear, and even when to shit, shower, and shave, much less sparing no effort to train the soldier or sailor what to do in literally hundreds of possible situations. "Private" life does not exist; recreation, including sex and drinking, is and has been regulated for centuries, in terms of time available for it if nothing else.

The soldier or sailor has a clearly discernible chain of superiors, ranging from his squad leader or petty officer to the commander-in-chief, whose actions for practically every imaginable scenario of human behaviour are laid down - in writing - in the military's own systems of judicial and non-judicial discipline.

Beyond all that, the soldier has long had a separate chain of oversight in the chaplain's and medical branches, with mandatory physical and psychological evaluations for much of the past century.

Granted, not all of these systems function all of the time, but most of them do, and the professionalization of Western militaries over the past four centuries is an undeniable truth. Anyone who doubts it should go down to the recruiting office, take the oath, and try a few years in the ranks. I speak as one who did, once upon a time.

My point is that 18-year-old soldiers are not allowed to run amok, and it is in the interest of the state and society to ensure they do not; permitting 18-year-old college students to do so is idiocy, and washing one's hands of responsibility by suggesting the military allows their peers to do so is just flat wrong.

Fanta from Fredonia is all Farking Mad.


What the fark is going on there?

The two most interesting and wildly maddening posts of the past year came and went without a blurb. It can't be that nobody had some words on the "Hiring of Glen" or "RYS Sucks So Bad." (Those aren't the real names, but it's my farking post.)

First of all, where's the outrage about the inside hiring of "Glen" or anyone else in a similar experience. My own college seems pretty above board in these matters, but I've heard of stories like this before. What do those on the job market think, and those ramblin' gamblin' junior faculty who are also seeking new positions? I know that Norm the Newbie who wrote the post has not been around his college enough to have any power, but that sort of disingenuous inside hiring just can't be allowed. If "Glen" had been the best candidate - among the hundreds of national applications - then it'd be fine. But Norm made it clear that "Glen" was pretty much a nut, what with his penchant for carrying lacrosse sticks and wearing Dr. Seuss hats.

And, surely someone spent some time rebutting the farking nutcase who wrote the "Another Satisfied Reader" post. That writer knows far too much about the site to claim he doesn't read it, and if he doesn't want to read it, what the fark is stopping him? I believe RYS is a fantastic diversion and medicine for the wounds that the profession gives us all. And, as for the claim that one person writes it, are you farking kidding me?

And finally, why did you even post such a piece of crap as that? Didn't something good come in that day?

Okay, I'm done.

Huey from Houston Asks Us All Nicely To Continue Grading. Because We're Fucking Him in the Ass When We Don't.

Jen and Patrick along with all the remaining non-graders out there are fucking me in the ass. Grades are not a marks a paper. They represent an assessment of each student performed on a particular assignment. A C means average. You performed at an average level.
My syllabus even states what a C means. It also states what a A, B, D and F mean as well.

Here's a clue for my students and for all the non-graders out there: life is full of assessments. Your boss gives you an annual assessment known as annual review. Even the higher education industry holds the near annual sodomy ritual where every deficiency, no matter how trivial or small, is examined and celebrated and where every proficiency, no matter great or grand, is dismissed and devalued.

When I worked in other industries, co-workers mocked other employees' inability to write. Memos, plans, reviews, plans, etc. would appear on cubicle walls with red ink and derisive commentary that questioned the author's ability to function as a human being. Yes, Jen and Patrick when you refuse to grade your students' papers and assess their performance, you set your students up for a lifetime of misery. Good job. Also, you fuck me because when I get your now former students they are genuinely shocked that (1) they are, for the most part, terrible writers and (2) someone actually assessed their performance. It makes my job much harder.

Assessing is our job. Students submit their assignment. We review submitted assignments for areas of deficiency and proficiency. We then return the assignment with comments that draw the students' attention to their deficiencies and proficiencies. We get paid to do this because we (1) have mastery of content and skill that allows us to assess assignments AND, here is the fucking crucial part, (2) possess the knowledge to teach students how to do better.

To all the nongraders out there, please do your fucking job. If you do, then Suzie and Johnny snowflakes will not drop a fresh load in their shorts when they earn a D on a paper because said paper is rife with sentences fragments, subject-verb agreement issues, and verb tense problems.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Today's VidShizzle. Facebook: Ruining Lives Since 2004.



Newest RYS Prodo. A Button To Set You Apart.


The most inexpensive item we've ever sold with our partners at Cafe Press, and a direct result from a plea from a reader who hated being badgeless.

Well, darlin', be badgeless no more, and stride into your classrooms flying your colors high.

Oh, and it's only $4.95.

A Modest Proposal Concerning the Number of Colleges in Operation. Or: "The World Needs Ditch Diggers, Too."


I've been reading "Generation X Goes to College" and wonder if, despite his generally astute analysis, the author isn't missing the big cause of his complaints: The explosion of college-attending baby-boomers created more and bigger colleges to meet a particular demographic need. That need no longer exists. Instead of whoring themselves out to pitifully unprepared, militantly anti-intellectual "students" so that every seat has a tuition-paying ass, why don't we just admit that there are too many colleges in operation at the moment?

If we reduced the number of college seats by, say, 30%, those that remained could raise their standards and let their faculty put down the hand-puppets and finger paint and reacquaint themselves with academic integrity. The kids who shouldn't be in college won't waste time and money dragging down the quality of everyone else's education. High school counselors could get off their BA-in-Education asses and help kids prepare themselves for vocations for which they are actually suited. All those miserable adjuncts weeping and listening to their Morrissey CDs as they drive from shit-gig to shit-gig can act like everyone else in the world and realize that work is work, that's why they call it...well, you know. Having a PhD doesn't entitle you to a perpetually fulfilling, self-actualizing professional life. It's a choice you made when you were 22 and making fun of all your peers for "selling out" by training for professions such as law and business.

Checked out their Facebook pages lately? You know, the ones with the pictures of successful, well-adjusted adults with families who are smiling because now in their late 30s they are beginning to reap the rewards of hard work in a viable profession instead of bitching, whining, and blaming everyone but themselves for their angst.

I'd walk the walk, too if the population of college students were to shrink. Hell, I was laid off when my school downsized after Hurricane Katrina. What can you do but suck it up and find a way to pay the bills that doesn't suck too much until you find something you really enjoy? Everyone wants professional fulfillment, but as my favorite Demotivator says: "Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up."

Some Thoughts on Texting. And Why It's the End of the World.


Unlike some of the behaviors we’ve faced in the past, texters are addicted, and they don’t care because nothing is as important to them as the feeling of thumbs against the key pad.

I find that most of my students behave best when I behave erratically. That’s right. At any given moment, I’m likely to go nutso on them.

I give a speech during the orientation at the beginning of the class – no late assignments, don’t skip class, blah, blah, blah. I look around the room and say “no electronic devices. I can live my entire life without hearing your ring tone.” I show them how they look, cell phones in their lap trying to sneak a peek. I make fun of the kind of inane messages they send. I tell them that my reaction will be based entirely on what kind of day I’m having. Then we start.

I’m as likely to scream incoherently at an offender as I am to make quiet requests. I’ve stood over a texting student and asked them to read the screen. I’ve given them responses. “Dude, this instructor is nuts. She’s going to throw my phone against the wall. I’ll turn on the camera so you can see yourself moving through space” or “meet me outside, I just got kicked out of class.”

My latest approach, probably because it’s late in the semester and I’m as ready to be finished as they are, I ignore it. That’s right. They text, I teach. I have a no repeat policy – I give instructions once and that’s it. When they miss them I smile and say “LOL, dude. Sucks to be you, huh? Maybe you can text someone who has been paying attention to get the assignment.”

I’d like to ban cell phones entirely, but the college just put out a text message warning system so they all think they have to keep their phones on just in case class is dismissed due to inclement weather.

Sucks to be me, too, apparently.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Breaking News: Facebook Users Get Lower Grades.


I know you don't post links too often anymore - and I miss them - but I'd think your readers would love this recent report about grades and Facebook. The subjects with the bad grades swore their Facebook use didn't get in the way of their studying, but researchers nailed it when they said that Facebook provides a "distraction" from studying.

Well, of course. This generation of students (and perhaps mine as well) crave distraction from the "work" of the world, whether it be school or actual employment. Distractions abound, of course, in the modern world, and many are far less taxing and fun than reading or studying.

Have you been in an undergrad's dorm room lately? It's like a mini technology hub in there, with iPods, computers, hand held gizmos, Blackberrys, and the like. Twitter away, my little freshmen, just twitter until you're in the lower half of the class - and that takes some doing since everyone else in class is likewise distracted.

One of the notions that comes out in the article (and an earlier one from the same reserachers) is narcissism and the modern student. And I just said, "Duh" when I read it. The researchers note: "Facebook profiles can tell you more than just peoples' birthdays and what movies they like — they can reveal the self-adoring." And if there's something my pretty snowflakes have in abundance, its self-adoration.

How can they not? They've been told they're special from day one - fucking Boomer & post-Boomer parents - and so what's not to love?

I find I spend most of my time just trying to keep students engaged. The truth is that many fields of study are a little more dry (and take more attention) than TMZ.com or Fark.com. In order to pass my class, one needs to do about 300 pages of pretty close reading in the text, write 2 essays, run 2 professional-style projects, and actual attend class regularly on time. It's too much for many students. They simply have too many things buzzing in their latte-riddled brains to focus that kind of energy or attention on one thing.

So what are we to do?

Principal Exposes Student's MySpace Rant.


Your MySpace Page Isn't Private.

A college student's rant against her small town provoked such intense backlash that her family had to move—but a California court has ruled that you can't cry "invasion of privacy" when people circulate what you've posted to your MySpace page.

By Julian Sanchez


"Cynthia Moreno clearly didn't expect anyone but a few friends to take note when she indulged in that time-honored pastime of college students: ranting about how much she hated her small hometown. Unfortunately, the local high school's principal, Roger Campbell, also spotted the "Ode to Coalinga" Moreno posted on her MySpace page—and forwarded it to the Coalinga Record, where it appeared as a letter to the editor under Moreno's name. The backlash was so severe—including death threats and even a gunshot at the family house—that Moreno's parents and sister had to leave town. Nevertheless, a California State appellate court ruled late last week that the publication of the letter didn't violate Moreno's privacy rights.

The then-Berkeley student's jeremiad—which began "the older I get, the more I realize how much I despise Coalinga," and reportedly went on to disparage the California town's residents over the span of about 700 words—only appeared on her MySpace page for six days before it was removed. By then, however, Campbell—principal at the same high school attended by Moreno's sister Araceli—had spotted it and forwarded it to his friend Pamela Pond, editor at the Coalinga Record. So extreme was the reaction of the residents that Moreno's father David shuttered his 20-year-old trucking business, Left Over Freight Transportation, and moved the family out of town.

The rest of the article is here.

Nancy from Niles on Being Responsible for Students.


Go ahead and call me a privileged whiner. I don’t care. I call my students snowflakes. I draft RYS-style smackdowns in my head all the time. I piss and moan right along with my colleagues about the entitlement, the whining, the grade-grubbing, the ‘is this going to be on the test’ question, and the general neediness of my students.

But I care about my students. I realize they are people too. I know all of their names (over 110 in an average semester). I work hard to keep up on the material in my ever-changing field. I try to be approachable so they can ask questions both in class and during my office hours. And I will always listen when they have problems – both personal and class-related.

I get involved if my students come to me for help. I’ve sent my fair share to the counseling center and have even spent an afternoon on the phone with the director getting advice on how to deal with a severely depressed student. I actually think I might get involved more than I should. I’ve shared personal information about myself to make a connection with those I feel are struggling and who will benefit from knowing that I’ve been there.

But don’t you tell me I’m supposed to be an instructor and a surrogate parent to all of the students who pass through my classroom. And don’t tell me I have to be responsible for their personal lives. I just can’t do it.

This semester I had a student I feared was close to suicide. She confided in me that, when she woke up in the morning, all she felt was despair. She wondered how everyone else got out of bed every day. She saw no purpose to life. I spent a lot of time in my office with her and on the phone with the director of the counseling center. I even broke down in my department chair’s office when both he and the director told me I did as much as I could because I was afraid it wasn’t enough. So I kept up with the student – probably crossing all sorts of boundaries – and convinced her to go see a counselor. She went and is actually doing better.

Know why I did that? It’s not because I think I’m a wonderful person and I wanted to pat myself on the back and say ‘look what I did’. It’s because for the first time in my relatively short teaching career, I had a student commit suicide last November. No warning signs, nothing. Just here one week and gone the next. In fact, administration didn’t even bother to tell me when they took him off my class list. I had to find out a week later when one of my other students emailed me his obituary.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, it changed me. I cried for days. I couldn’t think about or talk about anything else. I went over and over all of the interactions I could remember having with him. He was very intelligent and extremely outspoken so there were a lot of interactions to think about. But I came up with nothing. So, now that you’re stirring all that guilt back up, you tell me what I should have done. I only see my students for about three hours a week in a lab setting. What can I do?

I still have the paper I never got to return to him. I keep it in a file along with his obituary. Like I said, students are people too and the obituary will always be a painful reminder of that. But they are adults and I just cannot be responsible for all of them. There is a limit to how much responsibility I can take on without giving up too much of myself.

Two Voices on The Math/Humanities Divide.


"Or could it be that their objective, learning-oriented assessment technique allows them to just fail those who need failing, with a minimum of angst, and then move on?"

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

We have a winner!

The divine children of God in my humanities/social science-y courses are all innumerate as well as illiterate. How can I tell? They have no clue what grade weighting is. They cannot add their scores together to come up with a total to compare to the chart in their syllabus (because once I knew they couldn't weight their own grades, I moved to a total-point system). They cannot calculate ratios or fractions or comprehend the deep, esoteric mysteries of the decimal point. (I won;t evn mention the controversy of "rounding up.") They also cannot comprehend any grading scale other than the the 100-point scale (which is why they pitch conniptions if they earn a zero, which is not quite as deadly if you use the 4.0 scale).

I am sure they bitch and moan and whine and beg for "partial credit" from their math-centered courses, but the math proffies know all they need to do is give an approved test for basic skills, which, if snowflakes fail, there's little recourse other than accept their innumeracy and re-take the class. There's little chance of the outcome being that Mathie gets accused of hating little Snowie in course evals or a grade grievances. Also, many students openly admit they have poor math skills. Few of them can accept they're functionally illiterate. They read and write everyday online! How can they be illiterate?! It doesn't matter if they can't use a comma properly even once in a paper. Or couldn't find a thesis statement if it were bold-faced, italicized, and labelled for them. And proper spelling is just nit-picking.

Of course, most of them also think algebra is irrelevant. As irrelevant as knowing the difference between "definitely" and "defiantly." As irrelevant as knowing the phrase is "taken for granted" and not "taking for granite." We won't even mention the number of times they confuse to, too, and two. Those are just typos! You knew what they meant!

[*]


As much as I despise the divide between the arts and sciences and long for the days of the Greek philosophers who studied politics, drama, and biology, the very nature of the *humanities* means that we are teaching our students what it means to be a human being, and humane. It means we are concerned with teaching students to be engaged in all that it means to be humane. In order to do this, our work is , of course, less "objective, learning-oriented assessment technique" and more subjective. Thus, we are more likely to engage in the anguish of dealing with snowflakes who appear unprepared to engage in this society.

For those who think that we have it easy in the arts and humanities, think again. Our work is just as demanding, just as rigorous, and requires a depth of cultural literacy that only comes from years of reading, writing, and engaging in discourse. We cannot simply send students home with problems to solve, and then show them the 'right' way. We must teach them to uncover their 'right' solution. If they do not bring any basic cultural literacy with them, our job is nearly impossible.

I say we should remove this false division between the humanities and the sciences. How much more fruitful would be our work if we could engage in study as the Greeks once did.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sublime Sally and Ridiculous Rico Weigh In on Shermie and His Fat Fear.


I confess, Shallow Shermie's letter hit a nerve.

I'm a graduate student, and a TA, and have every intention of chasing after that elusive TT job. Despite the odds, I have every reason to think I have a great shot at it -- I'm in a highly regarded program, have gained the respect of prominent faculty members, hold a big multi-year scholarship, and, hopefully, will have soon have at least a couple of publications under my belt.

The problem? Mine is a big belt. 300-plus pounds, just like much of the rest of my family, from whom I've inherited this gene-set, in spite of a reasonably active lifestyle and years of near-ascetic eating habits. Yet how many fat profs have you met? Especially female ones?

Yes, indeed, students often disrespect 'overweight' profs and TAs, as they disrespect instructors of colour, female professors, openly gay teachers, and so on. But we'd be aghast -- I hope -- were anyone to suggest that the solution for members of the latter groups to be (or appear) 'less' of any of those things. It is imperative that we fight against fat prejudice, as we do racism, sexism, homophobia, and the like, by openly discussing it with our students, and by critically examining the ways in which fat-hate suffuse the culture, the curriculum, and the institution.

I still hope to be a TT prof someday. But it's unlikely to happen without a united effort by educators of all sizes to call out and end body-based discrimination in the academy. Help us out here, Shermie.

[*]

I can see it now: Shallow Shermie will be taken to task by dozens of RYSers just for saying what we’re all thinking.

I mean, let’s be honest here. Getting fat IS more dreaded than not making tenure, not getting a job to begin with, being wrongfully accused of misconduct by crazy students, having one’s address on file with the fraternity brats, being shot at school, or any other professional risk. If we don’t dread it for our own sakes, we should dread it for our students’; I mean, how do you think our wonderful scholars feel when they drag themselves up to the university one day out of every five, and then see a “slob” standing there waiting to lecture? It’s not fair to them. It’s also not fair to the university, which spends millions on ornamental shrubs and floor wax, all because the university knows what really counts in any college experience: the aesthetic quality of one’s education.

I know I’ve been inspired by Shermie’s honesty. Bu t in the proud tradition of pissing-contests everywhere, I’d like to say I’m taking it farther. Since we all know that students respond best to the white, male, tall, fit authority figure with a Midwestern accent, I have decided not only to lose weight, but also to have a sex change, get one of those operations where they break your bones and use rods to force you to grow taller, and hire a dialogue coach.

Anything, ANYTHING is worth it, just to fit in with the cool ki…erm, I mean, to make sure I give my students the optimum opportunity for growth. Why, maybe if we all learn to blend in, like Shermie suggests, we can make sure that all of our students turn out to be just like him! I know that’s my goal for when I grow up. You know, maybe if I’d done this before, I’d be employed as we speak! The only thing I regret is that no one told my colleague in the wheelchair that he’s right out of the running for professorship; he’ll never fit in--I mean, gain respect—if he isn’t exactly what our wonderful Mensa-minds think he should be.

Thanks, Shermie! Because of you, I’m going to go from being a hu-manatee (get it?) to being the hegemonicallyapproved vision of professorial leadership. Now, with all that surgery, it’ll only take roughly $1,273,583 (counting recovery time-off). I have…$2.50. Ok then; I’m on my way.

Another Satisfied Reader!


What a ridiculous site. And what's worse is your seeming arrogance about doing it. You think anyone gives a shit what RYS's position is on anything? You are nothing but bad comics, bad sports, and likely bad teachers as well.

I've heard about this site before, but imagined it was harmless fun. Instead you mock every part of a great profession, and my own assumption is that you're simply too chickenshit in your own lives to do anything about it?

Are you all English professors? Because those seem to me to be the most tortured and useless. I know you're not computer science "proffies" because the page is poorly made, and I know you're not design or art people because each graphic is universally ugly and poorly made.

Why on earth you're still putting up posts every day, MULTIPLE posts, amazes me. Nobody actually reads this shit. You're always talking about all your readers and their replies and email and from what it seems to me, one idiotic crank probably is late to his 11 am class so he can type another fake bullshit posting that paints all of academia badly. For example, Bitchy Bear, Walter, and Beaker Ben all write the same way! You can make up all the fake names and cities you want, but it's clearly just Randy from RYS who's a Rutabaga Rubber and a Ridiculous wRetch! How's that? Do I qualify to be one of your correspondents now?

I'm disgusted by this page, and the only thing that gives me pleasure is that I don't know ANYONE who reads it or writes for it. You're a joke, and I hope you know it. At least if anyone bothers to read this email you'll know it.

We're laughing at you not with you.

You're miserable fucking people and this page is an embarrassment. I wouldn't be surprsied if you were one of the first faculty members laid off in this economic downturn.

Hey, then you'll have more time to feed your make believe audience with your make believe website.

Suck it, suckers.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Why Does RYS Focus So Much On "Humanities-Related Illnesses?" Because the Math Proffies Kick Ass-essment Better.


Glad to see I'm not the only RYS reader who's been wondering where all the math proffies are.

90% of the anguish expressed in RYS seems to be about specifically Humanities-related illnesses - lack of class participation, unwillingness to read, inability to write.

I know math proffies have their own variety of pain - students who never learned the most basic skills at lower levels, students who forget everything at the end of each course, students who don't bother with the homework; and at the other end of the scale, needy students who email ten times a day when an assignment is due, who eat office hours for breakfast, who sit in the front row and point out your every tiny error on the whiteboard.

All of these things can make a math proffie tear their hair just as vigorously as a humanities proffie with a class full of mouth-breathers.

So why does this stuff not make it to RYS? Where is the math smackdown? Where is the pain of the economics or physics proffie who needs their students to have math skills they just haven't got? Are these people all in hiding?

Or could it be that their objective, learning-oriented assessment technique allows them to just fail those who need failing, with a minimum of angst, and then move on?

Motor City Mitch Mulls "Conference Week."


At my college, spring semester ends in three weeks. This means that students in my courses have either a research paper or a portfolio due in two weeks. This also means that it's "conference season" in my classes. I cancel all of my classes for a week and instead hold a one-on-one meeting with every single student. I do this to make sure they can't wait until the last minute to start on their projects, and also to make sure that they're at least in the ballpark in terms of the work they're doing. I've found that it makes my grading go more smoothly.

I encourage my students to spend the canceled class periods in the library or otherwise working on their papers/portfolios. I am not naive enough to believe that this will actually happen for the majority of my students, but it gives me some leeway during finals week when they grovel for the extensions that I will not grant unless they were in the hospital or at a funeral. "Remember that week when we didn't have classes?" I always say. "What did you do during the 150 minutes of class time that you weren't in my office for your conference?"

But I digress. My complaint today is not about the extension-grovelers. The complaint du jour is the students who can't be troubled to show up for their conferences.

They all sign up for a time slot a week in advance. I tell them that because there aren't enough slots for everyone to see me during what would normally be class time, many of the available appointments are before or after our class, or even on days that we don't normally meet. I suggest that they think carefully about their schedules before they sign up. I even write a note on their syllabus during conference week that says "Record your conference date and time here" along with a note in bold print announcing that conferences will be held in my office, not in the classroom. I call attention to these notes as the sign-up sheet circulates, and I encourage students to fill in the blanks with their information. Then, I remind students about classes being canceled for the conferences during the last class before I start meeting with students. I send a follow-up email and post an announcement on Blackboard. I even remind them that they get 20 points just for showing up to the conference and being prepared with whatever material I've asked them to bring (a paper outline, one essay revision they plan to include in their portfolios, etc). For some of them, the conference is the only "A" they'll receive all semester. They need these 20 points.

On Sunday night, the messages begin piling up in my inbox. What time is my appointment? Can you tell me what day I'm supposed to meet with you? I forgot, so can you tell me what I need to bring with me? I'm not going to be ready on time so can I have a later appointment? I used to ignore these messages, irritated because all the info was on the syllabus AND on Blackboard AND in the reminder email. I don't ignore the messages anymore because that just creates even more problems. I answer all their questions, I help them straighten their schedules. I don't bend over backwards, but I do what I can in the interest of self-preservation.

And inevitably, they still don't show. Or they email me five minutes before their scheduled time and ask if they could please-please-please come after 5:00, or tomorrow, or next week. Or they email me from the classroom, on time, befuddled that I'm not there, and indirectly accuse me of forgetting about our meeting. Today's round of conferences was scheduled right on the heels of a committee meeting. The meeting ran a bit late, so I excused myself in order to be on time for a conference. I apologized and said, "Sorry, everyone, but I have an appointment with a student." Naturally, my student didn't show, and the committee chair walked past my office 15 minutes later. She caught me sitting there, alone, playing online Scrabble as I waited. Great.

That student did eventually show...45 minutes late. She didn't walk in on the conference I was conducting, thank god, but she did try to hijack the next appointment, never mind that the student who the appointment rightfully belonged to was on time, prepared, and patiently waiting in the hallway. When I told her my only open appointment was tomorrow morning, during a time when she has class, she told me that I *had* to find a time -- because she couldn't afford to lose 20 points. Too damn bad, sweetie. I can't afford to lose face with my committee chair either, but clearly that's not any concern of yours.

And that's just one. So far this week I've also had a student whose computer ate his outline, a student who had to leave after 5 minutes because she was going to be late for work, a student who showed up with only 5 minutes remaining because his math test took him the whole class period and he hadn't expected it to, and a student who rescheduled and then never materialized for the rescheduled appointment. Two days down, three to go...

Friday, April 10, 2009

2 Killed In Community College Shooting.


By DAVID RUNK
for the Associated Press

DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) — Two students were killed Friday in an apparent murder-suicide that prompted a lockdown at a community college west of Detroit, police said.

The bodies were discovered inside a Henry Ford Community College building after police responded to an emergency call of an assault and shortly afterward reports of a shot being fired on campus, said Dearborn Deputy Police Chief Gregg Brighton.

As officers entered the MacKenzie Fine Arts Center, they heard another gunshot, Brighton said.

Officers then found the bodies of Asia McGowan, 20, of Ecorse, and Anthony Powell, 28, of Detroit, police said. Powell apparently used a shotgun to kill McGowan and then turned the gun on himself, police said.

They took at least one class together — a theater course that had met earlier in the day, Brighton said. The 17,000-student commuter school sent alerts through an e-mail and cell phone system and locked down the campus, said Marjorie Swan, Henry Ford's vice president/controller.

"Nothing like this has ever occurred on campus," Swan said.

The lockdown later was lifted but classes for the rest of the day were canceled, as were Saturday's classes.

For the rest of the article.

For a Detroit Free Press article from Saturday morning.

The Bitchy Bear Tunes Up the Old Saw About Gradflakes Getting Their Shitty Half-Baked Work Ripped Off By Proffies. Does it Happen?


They're data navvies for thesis supervisors who will then publish the results under their own name (often without credit to the grad students who obtained them

Ok, here we go: myth #1,322,023 about academia gets taken out of the closet and aired with the assurance that it "often" happens. How often does this really happen? Because I am a bayotch and I willingly step on other people to get what I want, I am so, so ready for the part of my job where I get to publish gradflakes' work as my own. And yet, I never get a chance to because despite being at a very snooty university where the grad students are all very very speshul, none of them are producing the eminently publishable ideas that most of you seem to think you drop as regularly as panties in a brothel.

A bit earlier, Froderick reminds us that both Einstein and Edison where thrown out of school for asking too many questions. I just finished Walter Isaacson's excellent book on Einstein, and from my read, Einstein was a prankster and nonconformist throughout school, but he also trained with some very good physicists to obtain his doctorate. Myths are so much better than reality, and oh, how we love these stories about the evil, washed up teachers of limited talent who seethe with envy for the 'natural' geniuses under their control. Our little hands clap together for Matt Damon's Will Hunting as he shows up the fancy dancy MIT proffie. How sympathetic we are in Finding Forester towards Jamal Wallace as he stands up to that creep Professor Crawford, who guns for our hero after he shows up the mean-spirited proffie in class. Boy, that Professor Kingston from the Paper Chase is a total jerkoff, and it makes us so happy when the young, floppy-haired Timothy Bottoms prevails. Floppy hair is often a sign of unrecognized, unschooled speshulness. Everybody knows that.

One of my personal favorites involves Pulitzer Prize winning writer Michael Chabon. He appeared on a UCI radio show called Writers on Writing. The show's host, Barbara Demarco-Barrett prompted him by saying something along the lines of how the story of his first novel was wonderful: a publisher was ready to publish the novel but his thesis committee wouldn't accept it for his master's thesis. Chabon corrected her. No, actually, he had been taking a lot of time yatcheting with the novel and had refused to send it out. One of his thesis advisors had gone ahead and sent the novel to an agent he knew, and the agent loved it, and the rest is history. Bless Chabon's honest heart. He could have gone with the self-mythologizing, genius-prevailing-against-the-small-minds-of-academia-surrounding-him story. But instead he told the truth.

Because the unrecognized genius story is so ingrained, any gradflake gets to flounce around like they are some sort of misunderstood genius, no matter what their abilities are in reality. Because, ya know, those proffies: half of them don't know the real deal when they see it and the other half are so envious of real talent they'll do anything to squash it. In graduate school, we were all convinced that the professors had long conversations about us. We also knew all about how some proffies were good guys and others were bad guys (somewhat true) and there was always, always the specter of somebody "taking our work as their own" loomed over us because, you know, those guys had all the power and we had all the ideas. Yeah, baby; our ideas were so durn speshul that nobody had ever thought them before. So here's how it all looks from the gradflake perspective:

Gradflake: I conducted this experiment/ran this model and documented the results! But the proffie is taking credit and leaving me off the publication!

Proffie: I spent years building this lab/data. I have gone without summer salary or course releases to pay for an assistantship for this student with tuition, stipend, and health insurance. I told this student what to do and I paid him to do it. It's my idea.

The thesis version is a little muddier, but it goes like this:

Gradflake: I created this experiment all on my own!! But now my chair is taking credit! I'm so oppressed!

Proffie: I spent years building this lab/data. I have gone without summer salary or course releases to pay for an assistantship for this student with tuition, stipend, and health insurance. When this student rolled in saying they were going to study "big, unmanageable, general topic" I spent hours working with the kid to define that down into something do-able. I gave this person a lot of my time and human capital to teach him how to design the experiment, which he then conducted in my aforementioned lab (or with my aforementioned data) with my materials, which in many fields are hugely expensive. Of course I want co-authorship.

You know, this is just an academic thing, too. In "the Real World" of business, everybody always gets the credit they are due for their ideas, everybody is promoted on merit, and new people to the company are treated with respect and kindness.

So take me to school, people. Tell me about how it 'often' happens that thesis supervisors publish their students' research as their own. Because I have never seen it happen in any of the three departments I've been in, ever. It never happened to any of my grad school colleagues, despite our preoccupation with it. Of the 30 PhD students I have encountered as a proffie, about two have had ideas that were in any way publishable. One of my current students, for example, took $50K in funding and six months to write an unreadable paper that asserts that democratic participation is good. Not just good: REAL good. And I guess some of that is my fault; I badgered her to come meet with me, share drafts, and challenged her thesis statement from the beginning. "This is a good place to begin, but this is a well-known conclusion. What can we say that's new?" Sure enough, when I told her to produce a draft or get fired, we were with the same thesis statement despite the hours I spent talking about alternatives. "Democracy is good." Hey--no stealing that--that one's mine.

Here's an invite. All you grad students: go ahead and submit your drafts for publication before you ever let your proffies see them. That way, your ideas won't ever get stolen and you'll be sure to get the credit you deserve. That's the ticket.

"Parents, No. Human Beings, Yes." Replies to This Week's Big Thirsty.


Once again, the Big Thirsty from yesterday brought in a wide variety of replies. We struggled to find what we thought were the most representative postings. We've chosen these below to give you a sense of what RYS readers are thinking about being responsible for our students.


  • Even if the parents had been able to access his school records, could they have legally pulled him out of school? 18 year olds can legally leave home, and can only be controlled insofar as the money mom and dad provide or the emotional blackmail they hold over him. That certainly happens all the time with helicopter parents dictating to their children right up through graduation and beyond; we’ve all seen the complaints on RYS. What if the parents in question wanted to be informed whether their child was sexually active, or what food purchases were made in the cafeteria? In what other situation would this issue even be up for debate? If an 18 year old is not in school then the parents have no rights, but if they are in a post-secondary institution they have fewer rights? That argument just doesn’t fly.


  • We do have a collective responsibility to keep students from hurting themselves or each other, but it's no more than our responsibility to make sure our neighbor doesn't shoot the kids across the street. We have a collective responsibility to make sure the students aren't hurt in our classrooms or dorms or gyms, but no more than our responsibility to make sure the other members of our community are safe in their homes and at their jobs.


  • I think we have responsibilities to one another as human beings. If something tragically destructive is going on in a student's life, I think we can and should intervene in an appropriate fashion, person-to-person, not necessarily as professor-to-student. How this manifests will be situation-specific, but to be able to help and choose not to because "it's not my job" is unconscionable.


  • Hmmm, there are soldiers the age of our students serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. So exactly why are we responsible for these ADULTS???


  • We are responsible for providing resources and opportunities for education: useful insights, uncomfortable ideas, honest and thorough feedback, working libraries and labs, and inspiration. We're paid to help the students learn, and most of us do it gladly. But students are responsible for their own education. If they don't want to learn -- if they want to burn their (parents') money -- if they'd rather drink themselves to death -- that's up to them. They have to live (or not) with the consequences of their decisions.


  • I don't want to be, but I often think about the aftermath of these tragic situations and am amazed at how quickly the English professors, in particular, get it in the teeth for not "warning" somebody. When Virginia Tech happened, there was a great deal of speculation that the English professors who had been uncomfortable with the guy should have "done something." Many years ago, I taught a student who had the potential to do something, and I saw it in a journal that he wrote for me. I managed to get the guy to go to counseling and the situation resolved itself, but that was the absolute last time I required a journal in any course I have taught. I'm not a psychiatrist and I don't play one on TV. I like the eighteenth century and I managed to get a degree and jobs based on what I like . . . it's hard enough to be responsible for my own kids, I don't want to be responsible for the world. Really, I don't.


  • The kid died because for whatever reason, from immaturity to actual underlying problems, he was not in control of his life. Yeah, I don't think professors are supposed to be responsible for him, so all you righteous whiners are probably, actually, right. But "adult" or not, he is clearly incapable of taking care of himself, and claiming that just because he turned eighteen, he should be able to take care of his own alcohol problem is totally irrational - wisdom with age helps prevent problems like this, but it's little help in stopping them in their tracks once they're full blown problems, which they clearly were. There are "real" adults with the same problem, and it's understood that even they need help. AA anyone? Sponsors, programs, clinics? Look at the situation again, this time ignoring whatever university policy hid the problem from the people who could really do anything about it: A kid, a young adult, a human being was in trouble, and nobody would help him because someone had decided that at his age, he should be able to help himself. He should have been suspended and placed into care, whether the custody of his parents, or a program, or something. What the hell did the University do besides handing out the equivalent of a couple slaps on the wrist and the freedom to go and accidentally kill himself?


  • “What is our role when it comes to the health and well being of our students?”
    That’s a very complicated question because of the many variables involved in the exact university policy, particular health/wellness issue of concern and, most importantly, how much weight that issue is given in my tenure decision.


  • I am no student’s parent, and no student’s grandparent. I am their professor; I teach them classes. It’s a stupid shame when one of them acts stupidly and suffers for it. Rest assured that I had been there when he was drinking himself to death, I probably would have tried to stop it, as a semi-decent human being, but not as his parent, surrogate or otherwise. We are all constantly confronted with the problem of the continued infantilization of college-aged human beings. It’s time for everyone to admit that they are adults, and start acting like it.


  • I am NOT a surrogate parent. I am an educator. It is not my responsibility to keep other adults informed of how my adult students behave. Presumably the student does not want said adults informed, or else little snowflake would do the informing themselves. They have no rights to that information any more than an employer or a government official does. Yes, I understand that many parents pay for their kids to go to college, but many other parents don't. To know which ones are sponsoring their little drunkards and have a financial claim to the student's university performance, we would have to have access to their university financial records. That's an even scarier idea than what we have now.


  • If I'm responsible for my students' lives, I expect no more than 15 students at any one time (not per class, but total), and at least double my pay rate. Also, I'll need access to their medical records, a full psychological workup, their facebook passwords, and weekly piss- tests. If I'm to be held responsible when they harm themselves, I must also insist on a cattle prod, a small prison with 15 cells, 15 strait jackets, and 15 IV setups administering nutrition and sedatives. No? Can't do that? Okay, then how bout I just teach them and they can be responsible for their own damn selves.

Today's RYS Films VidShizzle. Leadershit.


Thursday, April 09, 2009

Cathy from Portland on Cardigan Pedagogy.


I teach at a predominantly male college in the morning and a religious HS in the afternoon. The dress code at the latter bars me from wearing pants and requires that my knees, elbows and collar bone be covered. I wear one of two plain solid dresses, a cardigan (to cover the elbows, it is worn out), knee socks and wedges. There's no room for an obvious attempt to be masculine (oh, I'm sorry, I mean "authoritative") here.

Everyone dresses like this at the HS and the kids bounce off the walls and chaos leaches into the ground water beneath us. Everyone (else) at the college dresses according to the directions in the pamphlet Suzanne read.

The college kids are slightly better than the HS kids, except for the ones in my class. My class is under control. And I'm a terrible disciplinarian. I dress differently and it throws them. It wasn't a plan. I only had the two things that fit the code for the afternoon job. But eventually students notice that. They know exactly what I'll be wearing, and other than that don't know what to expect after I walk in the door. Maybe they think I'm a witch, who knows?

But they're good and it isn't because I tried to make myself look old or manly. It isn't because I tried to make myself look good. It isn't because they can relate to me. And it isn't because I'm so organized they couldn't get a stir started if they wanted.

It's because they think a person who wears two dresses 20 times each during the course of the semester is a weirdo, possibly a Nazi, and you never know what she might do if you piss her off.

This Week's Big Thirsty. Are We "Responsible" For the Snowflakes?


We received a lot of mail yesterday concerning the recent posting about the Kansas undergrad who died in March. The writer who brought the story to our attention first suggested that professors needed to be "responsible" for our students. Most of the mail that came in was along the lines of the two pieces we've clipped below. Additionally, KU has started a process to review and possibly reconsider their privacy policy because of the student's death.

[*]


I'm responsible for my students? Really? There I was thinking they are at least 18 and therefore legally responsible for themselves. They can vote, smoke, move out of home, drive, screw, marry, even have kids of their own ('though oddly they're not considered responsible enough to drink...how messed up is that order of priority?) It's none of my business what they get up to in their private lives.

That's not to say I don't care and would brush them aside if they came to me with something outside of the teaching material, but I'm not their friend, I'm not their guardian and I sure as hell am not their surrogate parent. I'm with KU all the way on this one. Parents *right* to know vanishes when their child turns 18 and legally becomes an adult. The longer you treat people like kids, the longer they'll behave like kids.

Besides, do you *really* think the parents knowing would have made a damned bit of difference in this case?


[*]


While the recent post here about a student death from drinking is tragic, I have a couple of points to make. WE ARE NOT THEIR PARENTS!!! We're NOT responsible for the students' behaviors. The STUDENTS are responsible for their OWN behavior. They are ADULTS and have all the same rights as any other ADULT. ALL adults are entitled to privacy rights. Would a doctor release medical records protected by federal law if a parent repeatedly asked for them?? NO. Would the military release behavioral, health, or reviews? NO.

Additionally, if the parent KNEW his kid had an issue with drinking and behavior, why would he send him to live ON HIS OWN unsupervised by said parent??

Here is a scenario: A 19 year-old has repeated wild parties at his apartment. The police are called and eventually he is evicted and goes stays with buddies. Is it the apartment manager's fault for not informing the parents? What about the police's fault for not letting the parent know? The blame lies squarely on the STUDENT'S shoulders and his parents' shoulders. The school is certainly NOT to blame and is NOT responsible!

I am tired of parents thinking that schools are going to babysit their kids. This goes from kindergarten all the way through grad school. Your precious snowflake is an adult and if YOU as a parent did not do YOUR job to teach him/her, then point your finger to yourself for failing to raise the kid to your standards. I do understand that the death was tragic, as well as completely avoidable, BUT it's not the college's responsibility to parent the kid.

[*]


I, like many I'd suppose, was moved by the story of Jason Wren's death. It's a tragedy whenever a campus is darkened by an untimely and unnecessary death. But I can't help but wonder about my own role in my students' lives? Am I, like your poster suggested, "responsible for them? I've only been teaching 4 years, and feel as though I have too little experience to know exactly where the line is. For the most part I've been so busy with my teaching and scholarship that actually "caring" for students in the way the poster wanted (like a surrogate parent) has never crossed my mind.

Q: I'd love to know what RYS readers think. Are we truly responsible for our students? And to what degree? Their education, yes? Their safety, maybe? What is our role when it comes to the health and well being of our students?

A: Send your replies here.

Partially Protective Patrick from Portage La Prairie Proffers Some Prose on Putting Down the Grading Pen.


There is no inherent connection between educating and grading. Outside of the university or college setting, people learn things every day without being graded. They learn those things because they simply want to learn them.

Grades only matter in the university setting because people want credentials at the end of their university experience. That would not be so bad if I thought that students wanted something more than credentials - that they actually did want to learn something just for the sake of learning it. I don't believe that.

I believe that students just want the credentials, and they could not give two shits if they ever learn anything in my classroom. They just want the grade, and that means they see me as just a grader, and not an educator.

By refusing to grade, Jen from Jonesboro indeed makes a statement - she says, "I am, first and foremost, an educator. I want to teach you, and I want you to learn, just because learning will enrich your life."

Does that mean I think that we should all just forget about the grading? No. I cannot reconcile that view with the fact that we are hired to be graders - deliverers of credentials. I must admit, too, to shameful bursts of optimism, that, somehow, someway, a student will one day look past the grade I put on her paper, look at the comments I put on it, and actually (if only accidentally) learn something. But I can have those thoughts without condemning Jen.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

An Open Letter From Ann Arbor to Shy Students Everywhere.


Hi Shy Student,

I certainly hear you when you say it's tough to be vocal in class. When I was in classes, especially in my undergraduate days, I also very much struggled in this issue. However, I think it's important here to see what the goal of class participation is.

The goal of class participation is actually not for me to see if you're understanding the material or connecting with it -- i.e. what one would call "verbal assessment". Certainly, when people speak in class or with me one-on-one, then a side benefit is that I can hear what aspects of the course material need further explanation, what aspects are most intriguing to everyone, etc -- in other words, an ancillary benefit of class participation is the verbal assessment aspect. And for that benefit, it is just as good for someone to talk with me one-on-one as it is to talk during class. But since this is just an ancillary benefit, it is not the underlying goal of having class participation as a part of your grade.

Similarly, another ancillary benefit of class participation (and perhaps the one most visible to you) is that it gives you good practice working with the tools of the course, especially in a way that allows me to assist. When you speak in class or with me one-on-one, then this is a great way to further your own understanding of the material -- and especially when we're talking about ideas and contexts that you are excited about, it's fun! I would also say that speaking about and practicing the course material with me or with others is a key ingredient in preparing for exams, so this is truly important. In this respect, it is equally useful -- you get the same benefit -- to speak in the regular class discussion or talking with me one-on-one (or talking with anyone else in the class one-on-one, for that matter). However, again, this benefit to you of practicing the course tools to further your own knowledge is only an ancillary benefit of the idea of class participation. In other words, the fundamental reason why class participation is part of your grade is NOT due to the benefit you get from speaking about the material. Even though speaking about the material is crucial to your learning, of course!

Instead, the fundamental reason why class participation is required and is a part of your grade is because it is crucial to everyone ELSE'S learning. In a class like ours, much of the insight and deeper learning actually happens *through* discussion. And that's why it's so important to pay attention to what your classmates say in discussion..... there are many days (especially when we do class exercises, simulations, etc) when the major takeaways come from your classmates, not me. Often I try to repeat some of the important things, after someone has said it. But the fact is that this learning originates from YOU GUYS. In other words, the bullet points on my slides (and what I say in class) identify what you're supposed to be learning, but for most people, learning this material *well* only happens if we hear from a variety of perspectives in class. If you're familiar with the concept of a public good (and the tragedy of the commons), then you can see that class discussion is precisely that -- on days when plenty of people contribute to the commons, then everyone learns. On days when few people or no one contributes, then no one learns much beyond what I say, and that's not sufficient. The only true way of combating public goods problems is by creating individual incentives to contribute (or penalties for not contributing). Hence, that is precisely why class participation is a part of your grade -- because we have a commons problem here.

So, I hope you can see now why it's important to speak up while class is going on... That being said, there may be other creative ways of contributing to the class' learning. For instance, if you would prefer to do it in writing, you could send some of your thoughts to the class listserve. Again, I know exactly how it feels to be uncomfortable speaking in class -- I've been in your shoes, and I started out my university days being completely petrified of speaking in class and also petrified of giving presentations in front of groups. But, it's our duty to each other to try to overcome that. For some of us, it's harder than others. However, in all cases, learning to force ourselves out of our comfort zone is one of the best lessons we can get from college.

Cheers,
Anastasia from Ann Arbor

On Campus Drinking and Student Privacy.


While the privileged whiners that make up your audience fiddle, there are real world problems on college campuses like mine. I hope you'll do one decent thing this week and post this story. Let professors all over the country know that we're responsible for our students, that we are surrogate parents and grandparents, and we can't let stories like this slip through our fingers.

[*]

Death shows college students' rights often at odds with parents' rights
by Mara Rose Williams
University of Nebraska Gateway

Before University of Kansas student Jason Wren died, reportedly after a night of binge drinking, records describing his violations of dormitory alcohol policies were off-limits to his parents.

After the 19-year-old's death, KU turned over the records.

Jay Wren says before his son's death he begged for a description of his behavior in the dormitory, and was told those records were protected by the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, or FERPA, which shields student grades, health and behavior information.

The federal law and the way universities interpret it often pit students' right to privacy against what some parents deem as their right to know.

How schools interpret the law differs. For example, Kansas State University tells parents about underage drinking. KU does not.

"There is no national evidence that parental notification makes a difference," said Marlesa Roney, vice provost for student success at KU.

Some students say they want to take responsibility for their lives and learn from their mistakes. Others want their parents to know what's going on.

College Parents of America recently began pushing schools to share more about their underage students with parents.

"The law does leave a great deal of interpretation to colleges and universities," said Jim Boyle, the group's president. "I believe they should use their interpretation to better inform parents about their son or daughter, and not use FERPA as an excuse to withhold information."

Wren, who knew that his son drank alcohol even in high school, said he would have pulled Jason out of KU if he'd known about the repeated alcohol and behavior infractions that led to his son being kicked out of Oliver Hall and barred from even visiting it.

He said that according to the records he recently received, his son was caught with alcohol at least twice in Oliver, put on probation and warned that his residence hall contract was in danger of being terminated. His son also was reprimanded for delays in taking an online alcohol education course and going to a one-on-one counseling session - a mandatory penalty for violating campus alcohol policies.

View the rest of the article here.

Shallow Shermie from Shreveport Weighs In On The "Fear" Game.


You know what? I'm a shallow, grade-A ass. Judgmental, backwards-thinking, etc. And I'm just asking for a shit-ton of smackdown by writing this. Sure. Whatever.

Because you know what my biggest fear as a proffie is? Getting fat.

Seriously. I've almost always been a fit, healthy person. I eat generally healthful foods, walk or bike to campus more often than not, work out a few times a week. But save perhaps for traipsing around in some exotic fieldwork location (hah!), it's not like we live the most active lifestyles. We do a lot of sitting at our desks. Reading, writing. So I'm afraid as the years trudge onward, I'll lose all self-discipline and turn into a lumpy, gross, unhappy blob.

What in the world does a health-related issue have to do with fears as a proffie? It has to do with the ugly reality that appearance does affect the way students and colleagues treat people. (See, eg, the MSE/clothing debate) And don't think you've never seen the way snowflakes sneer at, talk about, and generally disrespect overweight [or anything they deem unattractive or fugly] profs.

By all means, we're here to teach, and I'd also rather be paid attention to because I'm, you know, brilliant, and not because I'm the hottest professor who's ever stood before their bright, glistening, oogling eyes. And blah blah blah, I'm playing into and perpetuating the discourse by voicing this anxiety. (And for the record, I've seen women, especially, take this anxiety overboard and become truly unhealthy; anorexia is not a joke.)

But my greatest fear is being disrespected because of the way I look, and frankly, my insurance is too shoddy to pay a shrink to help me "work through" this. So pardon me, I'm off to the gym.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

On Personal Relevance. See if You Recognize Any Students. Today's VidShizzle.

Chuck from Chicopee Wants to Talk About Non-Humanities Grading, You Know, the Real Kind.


Harold's recent post on "not grading" provides another example of how Humanities-centered RYS is. In math, you learn by doing. Not by reading or listening, but by trying to prove something your self. Thus, the best kind of teaching I can offer is often a graded homework set. I can lecture until I'm blue in the face, but showing the students where they messed up while trying to do a problem themselves is much more helpful.

There are some fundamental differences between a Math class, and, say, an English class. For example the learning process for a Math student goes like this:

  1. Go to lecture
  2. Understand half of what the professor was saying
  3. Try to solve the homework
  4. Get half of it right, but now understand the material much better.
  5. Get back graded homework -> analyze mistakes made -> understand a little better.

Also, if you show a student the answer to a problem you just laid out for them, they learn very little. On the other hand, if you told them the problem yesterday, and they've been struggling the whole time to understand it, and then you show them a solution today, the learn so much more.

I guess the point is that learning math is all about solving problems. (This is why Lovasz's book is considered the gold standard in Combinatorics. It has no exposition. Only problems/hints/solutions) So this makes homework an integral part of any successful math course. The idea that I would have an undergrad course without a mountain of grading is absurd. And I would like to stress that I don't do this to evaluate the students (though it does make assigning final grades easy when you have a spreadsheet full of scores to use), but to help them learn.

But I thought this is why English profs assign papers. Isn't it because it helps the students to understand the material? Who said anything about evaluation? It ain't assessment, it's feedback.

Oh, We Continue to Get Mail for Haughty Harold. They All Start the Same Way...


I'm really interested in a couple of things about Harold. First, where exactly in the firmament is his Magic Sky Palace located, and what does he smoke to travel there?

Were I to adopt his facial-expression + TA-opinion + blue book model of "assessment" (can't spell it without "ass", especially in this case), I would effectively quadruple the amount of time I spend on my students' grades? Why? Well, I'm one of those old-fashioned fuddy-duddies who believes that my personal opinion of my students might be flawed or inaccurate. Which means I'd need to double, triple, and quadruple-check how I arrived at my value for each student, considering my mood that day, their appearance, my knowledge of prior performance or experiences with other instructors, how much I'd enjoyed my lunch, and on and on and on. Or I could just make some shit up. One option suggests overweening arrogance, the other indifference. Both suggest that I'm a terrible professor.

On top of that, students at my institution like feedback. They like to know how they're doing, they like to know what they should be doing better, and how to do so. They're usually motivated by the grade itself rather than learning, but I'll take what I can get. If I told them that the only indication of their performance that they'd get all semester would be the look on my face (was that a bad answer, or just heartburn?), I'd spend a ton of time in office hours soothing their little snowflake souls. The ones who aren't happy with their grades? They'll argue and cajole and whine and wheedle about how hard they worked and how tough their life is. I don't particularly want to listen to that. Instead, I can point to a series of scores and say "see that? That's what you got. End of story."

What use are grades, you ask? They provide a benchmark free of all of the biases, prejudices, insecurities and delusions we bring to our subjective assessments of anothers' worth. They're honest - brutally so, at times. Students you like can do badly, students you hate can do well. And that's as it should be, because it's about what they've taken away from the class, not how much you like them.

It's too bad you can't see the look on my face, Harold. Then I'm sure you'd know exactly what I think of you.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Mid Career Mike Waxes On Leaving Town.


Sure, I've been busy getting ready for the big move to my new academic home, Soda Pop College, chronicled earlier on your pages. But I have to admit that I'm awfully blue at leaving my own school behind.

My time here has been a mixed bag. It's not a bad place, and I only went on the job market to sort of see if there were other places out there I might like better. The excitement of moving on, trying a new town on for size, got me all caught up. And I remain excited by what awaits me in Florida. (As an aside, the chair recently sent me a care package with a shot glass, baseball cap, t-shirt, and pillow all emblazoned with my new college's logo. That was really nice!)

But as I log my last weeks here, a home to me and my handsomeness for a few years now, I'm getting a little misty.

I had a splendid class outside on the first warmish day. I walked campus with a few students and laughed about a funny story they told me. I sat in my office and had 2 long conversations with the guy across the hall, who, it turns out, is funny and interesting (although he'd never said 5 words to me before he heard I was leaving).

I even had a little article about me and my travels in the school paper.

It's made me feel awfully warm about this place that sometimes seemed cold to me.

And it got me wondering. Was it me all along? Did my dissatisfaction come from within? Did I go on the job market because I'm restless?

That I found a great place (seemingly) is beside the point. Did I not give this place a chance? I won't ever know now.


--
We're sorry, but this appeared online briefly last week. It jumped ahead in the RYS queue and we couldn't explain it if you put a gun to our heads.

Sheldon from Sherbrooke Shoots Some Smackdown Our Way...But Saves One Surprise for the End.


So tired of it I'm apathetic, but not too tired to abstain from passive aggressiveness (these are all from the same class):

Ms. Got Through Life Blonde: Oh, I see you've come to my office hours one hour before your presentation is due to say that you have a hard time presenting. Wait, after talking with you it seems you are afraid you'd pass out because you actually haven't done the work (thanks for the honesty of admitting something that I knew already) and would be too embarassed to present. I see you are batting your eyelashes and smiling at me. Oh, I see you also seem to think that coming to about 30% of the classes (not that I am judging) is something I may have missed. Or, more appropriately that by being "cute" you will pull the wool over my eyes. Perhaps it's worked for you your whole life so far. Oh, wait, your flirty manner will excuse how you didn't do one of the weekly assignments? You'd like some special treatment? Because why? Because you are blonde and "hot" and I happen to have a penis? Sorry, I'm not interested. Take this D and get out of my face. And yes, a D is worse than an F. Why you ask? Because an F says I care enough to deal with the bullshit of you complaining or whatever stunt you will pull. Whatcha gonna do about a D, huh? I thought so.

Mr. Economics: So... you've never done a paper in this discipline before. Hmmm... you weren't there on the day that I spelled out what I was expecting on the paper proposal? That excuses this pile of crap you're wondering why you got an F on? Interesting. But you seem so engaged now that you are in my office hours. Sure, I'll spend and hour and a half explaining as much as I can for you and helping you craft your topic and thesis. Sure, why not get a second chance at the proposal. Oh, excellent! I look forward to your paper so I can see how I have made a difference. Oops! A copy and pasted, badly plagiarized final paper? Awesome! My favorite! At least you don't blame me for your F and still smile happily and say "Hi, Professor!" around campus. No bs, it's kind of refreshing not to blamed for a student's crap.

Ms. I Don't want to be here: Who are you? Are you in my class? Oh! right. Hmmm... didn't recognize you because you never show up. Oh, some help with the paper? Sure... A half hour later, and I look forward to reading your paper. Interesting topic. Nice. At the next department meeting, I am warned that you may only be here to get away from your parents and that you are a problem plagiarizer. Well, I will reserve judgement. Awesome! You didn't plagiarize in an obvious way! Instead, you used one source and basically summarized the one argument from that text, mis-labeling page numbers and other innocuous forms of bad citation. Nice. You and Blondie should get together and talk about how neither of you handed in any of the weekly assignments and are both sharing the same grade! Life is awesome for you.

But to make up for it:

Ms. Studiously Intriguing: Random references, on topic, to BDSM, yaoi, anime and a host of other fascinating cultural topics that you somehow make relevant to class material? Who knew it was possible? Wait, you are not a major? Hmmm... and you surpass all the majors in class because of your hard work and diligence to make yourself knowledgeable about the topic? And you get the material and challenge yourself to go beyond it? What? Why aren't you in all my classes? A is made of Awesome!

Belinda from Battle Creek Confesses Her Darkest Secret. Her Passion Involves Pain.


I have a deep, dark proffie secret — I constantly fantasize about several colleagues and students. These exquisite daydreams sustain me during difficult times.

Administrator Stu is someone I think of often. Whether merely sitting across from me in a meeting or conversing about philosophical inquiry, he arouses in me feelings that few others can reach.

My colleague, Charming Charles, always with a personal anecdote to share, is another who makes frequent appearances in my fantasies. Such graphic reveries I have whenever I contemplate him!

Then there’s my nonchalant student, Everyman Evan, whose innocent-yet-not grins during class bring out a passion in me that I can barely subdue.

There’s also Comfortable Cole, with his laid-back demeanor, easy smile, and humorous interjections during class. How I dream of satisfying my urges whenever I see him!

Administrator Susie joins all of them in my fantasies, for I am not gender bound in my passions. Her quiet naïveté ignites in me such emotions that I cannot make eye contact with her for fear of what my gaze will reveal.

Yes, it’s all true, but it’s not what it seems. My passion is dislike, not lust. My arousal is anger, not sensuality. My emotions are fueled by bile, not my libido. I am enraged by the administrative incompetence and dishonesty of Stu and Susie. I can no longer stand to hear the deadwood dronings of past-the-time-to-retire Charles. I despise the self-serving smugness and irresponsibility of Evan and Cole, whose sense of entitlement oozes from their pores as they saunter late into class.

I dream of expressing my feelings to each by a punch to the gut, a kick to the head, or a knee to the groin. These fantasies sustain me. I fear I may act on them.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

How to Miss An Exam. An (Almost) RYS Films Original VidShizzle.



Jesus Told Me To Tell You to Suck an Egg.


Hi, I was registered in your philosophy of religion course and dropped It later on. I am watching the DVD. It is purely about things like Jesus, or based on the Bible. I'm not sure if a historical account of the Bible really has anything to do with Philosophy of religion in the context it is discussed.

The course pack talks about other arguments for the philosophy of religion, and they are not included in the "comprehensive" DVD. (I am not talking about the "evolution" DVDs. I am wondering who chose these dvds and how they came to be a part of the group.)

It is interesting content, nonetheless, however, I do not think that this is really explaining philosophy of religion, more than it is explaining life of people from history in relation to the Bible, or biblical surroundings.

I took the Jesus of Nazareth course, and this would probably apply more to that, so I'm not sure if the DVD got mixed around. I am concerned at the quality of courses at [our university] and have seen things explained wrongly, or applied wrongly, in many courses, meanwhile spending my money on these things that i don't think have been put together properly.

Excuse my pessimism, but i am aware of what philosophy of religion is!

Candy from Columbus Returns Us to the Quiet Student Debate.


Dear Virgil,

Don't hate on the quiet students. My undergrad sister, "Jenni," got into the school of her dreams, enjoys her new snowflakeness very much, and is still quieter than a misty Saturday morning. She listens to us blabbermouths, and then synthesizes it into some beautiful insight of her own (which you can get if you, umm... slowed down to listen, or read what she writes). And you know, if she listens to me running my mouth, and is able to use one phrase out of my fifty, I don't think that's plagiarism.

That's incredible patience.

Most of the 'student participation' in the classes I've been in has been bullshit. I say this as a vocal gradflake: I'm the one teasing the professor, whispering mockeries to my classmates. (He knows - I know he knows - My grade is screwed - I don't care.) During class I log on to the internet to read RYS, flip through flashcards for my next class, and look at runway fashion photos. I'm half listening, and when I think of something vaguely relevant, I throw it in. But at base, many of us fluent, "participatory" students are full of shit. (It's a good life while I've got it!)

But if Jenni - and many of my classmates - wants to listen seriously, why is that wrong? She shows no signs of not understanding; she isn't checked out. She's listening. No, you don't get feel-good feedback on her "aha" moments, but she has them - we talk about it after class. When you set a participation grade, this is what you get. Us loud students "participate" more, as our own learning style is reinforced, while the quiet ones feel more pressure to act in a way that's already unnatural to them. And they stop talking. It doesn't help.

You say "It IS our job to make shy people uncomfortable..." Yes, as long as you're making me uncomfortable, too. If you're going to try to forcibly change her learning style and turn the social dynamics of the classroom upside down, you damn well better have the same expectation of me, too.

You know, I realize I speak over my sister, and my classmates, and I don't want to be silencing what they have to say. I realize we get stuck playing our social roles - sometimes I wish the class didn't expect me to be the funny, erratic one, would take me seriously when I'm thoughful. Sometimes my sister wishes she was given room to speak. But social dynamics, like concrete, are strong once they've hardened and set.

If you don't like it... if we all-of-us don't like it... then slow down! Slow WAYYY the fuck down. Don't cram so much into a semester, so that we're always absorbing and never processing. Drop the participation grade. Help us spend our time considering one small facet of life, looking for wisdom and insight. Make room for silence, shut us talkers up, and wait.

She will speak.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Weekend VidShizzle. Latin Exam Psych-Out.



Two Readers Revisit Gullible Gerty And The Graduate Degree Kerfuffle.


I read Gullible Gerty's lament, and I know what she's talking about. In my area, engineering, I've heard the same sort of thing, namely that there's a bright shiny future for people with Ph. D.s and that there will be a lot of profs retiring, blah-blah-blah. Unfortunately, with my experience as a practicing professional and graduate degrees in two engineering disciplines, I can't get a job. Maybe I'm too old or too contaminated from having worked in industry to be considered a good researcher. (Never mind the fact that I worked in industrial R & D when many of the profs that are hired nowadays were barely out of their diapers and have a proven record.)

Let's face it: the number of graduate degrees that are granted make for nice statistics that department heads and faculty deans can gleefully toss out to the public and use against their opposite numbers in other departments, faculties, or universities. Grad students aren't people: they're revenue units, they're deliverable quantities, they're data navvies for thesis supervisors who will then publish the results under their own name (often without credit to the grad students who obtained them). It's all about money-harvesting and "brand recognition". Once someone gets his or her grad degree, it's "congratulations, have a nice day, now get outta here, turkey". Mind you, those same universities seem to remember who one is when it comes time to grovel for money from alumni and how dare one not give till it hurts.

[+]

Gullible Gerty expected to find a job with her degree because nice people told her it would happen, and her abusive childhood caused her to believe anything that nice people told her. So the real culprit is the abusive childhood, not the lies of the English professors trying to sell the major to students. Faculty are expected to market the major of their department.

Go to any academic department and the faculty will tell you all about the wonderful career opportunities available to their majors. This cannot be true for every single major, or else everyone with a college degree would be gainfully employed. It's the abuse that made Gerty so blindly trusting and unable to take responsibility for her own actions, do some research about job prospects, look at vocational guidebooks, or even take a gander at RYS. Her message illustrates that child abuse is evil and causes a great deal of damage to innocent victims.

But it's a shame that she should deem her life wasted because she didn't end up doing what she intended to do. Plenty of people succeed despite majoring in impractical subjects like French poetry, medieval studies, acting, or music. The abuse ruined Gerty's childhood, but that's no reason to let it ruin the rest of her life, too.

Terrible Tahoe Tito Tears It Up with some Old-Time Smack.


A - We’re in an evolution class. Eyes are adapted to catch small movements. So when you hand your laptop to students down the row to check out that sweet YouTube vid, I notice, and it is annoying as hell. One more time and it’s going to be a bad day. Grow the fuck up.

T - You have a wife and two kids, are maybe 23 years old, are taking 21 credits, and work from 3:30 to 9:30 AM? Sounds like taking this class is not the first bad decision you’ve made. Just because you’ve fucked yourself doesn’t entitle you to quiz points in my class. Plus, you’re failing almost every other part of the class, so I might worry about those 800 points before you worry about the 100 from quizzes. Groveling for these points with interspersed reminders about how you are a paying student who deserves an education just like everyone else and that you need this class to graduate is not helping. You have two kids at home; they need a semi intelligent person as a dad. Grow the fuck up and get your priorities straight.

B - It takes balls to show up 45 minutes late to class, tell me you ‘spaced out and forgot’ you had class, mention you knew there were attendance points given out, and ask if you could have them anyway. You’re an athlete. When they say leave it all on the court, they didn’t really mean common sense and discipline; you can keep those for later. Grow the fuck up.

R - You mouth breathing, incompetent, arrogant tool of a human being. Your piece on how nuns are false prophets is demeaning to other students, unless they realize, like me, that you obviously don’t understand what a prophet is. Swearing in these essays does not make your point better. Act like a professional. While I said further writing like this would result in formal disciplinary action, what I meant to say was if I catch it again I’m going to kick your ass. Grow the fuck up.

W - What part of don’t bring metaphysics into evolution do you not understand? You are making more work for me and it is not endearing. Grow the fuck up and pay attention.

M - You are obviously a bright student who wants to think critically, but your incomplete views have led you to some extremely warped and troubling conclusions. Please try to get the full story before you take Ben Stein’s word that we ostracize those not like us. You could be brilliant.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Froderick Takes Time From the Lab to Weigh In On the Male Student Egomaniac Dynamic.


Sexism should be inexcusable, and the dominance games that Nila mentions belong in a troop of monkeys. In the physical sciences and engineering, however, "male student egomaniacs" are extremely common, even when the instructor does fit the "traditional" professor profile, of being a tall, white, hetero male with a loud, American-accented voice, like me.

What's the matter, haven't you ever seen the TV show, "The Big Bang Theory?" The real world is more up to date than the show, however: females of this obnoxious species are becoming increasingly common in my physics classes. I'm not so sure we should consider this "progress," of course: it would be better if all of them had good manners.

Harold Urey, a Nobel prize-winner in chemistry at the U. of Chicago in the '50s, used to call this "the Old Gunfighter Syndrome." By this, he meant that if one of these students could prove him wrong about anything, no matter how trivial, it would be perceived (it's unclear by whom) that all the Nobel laureate's prestige would fall onto the student. Urey said this was annoying, but it could be useful, for getting these students to work on interesting problems---or to read the textbook, as I often encourage mine to do.

Students like this try my patience too, but remember that both Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison were booted out of school for asking their teachers too many questions they couldn't answer. Sometimes, if they have any substance and what they do isn't wholly posturing, students like this can help you: if they really are as good as they think they are, your class notes will be thoroughly proofread after they're through with your classes.

They sure beat the lazy, dead-eyed, mouth-breathers we so often complain about!

Some Big Bitter Replies to Harold And His Slack Ass Ways on Grading.


The mail on this week's Big Thirsty is varied and interesting - uh, and voluminous. Because you all demand the replies first thing Friday, we've picked and clipped some of the more interesting and representative notes that came in. We're going to take our time, however, and post a few full items (because many are quite long) in coming days. For now, the flava is below:


  • I spend, on average, 1 hour per week grading. I collect little, but I do look it over carefully, and give specific feedback (which often devolves into "Talk to me about this" since that is so much easier). I give fairly intense feedback during class for those who will participate. While all my colleagues get their panties in a twist about "assessment" I'm working on my scholarly shit. That bastard Socrates didn't assign homework, and neither do I.


  • I've always wondered how professors incorporate "class participation" into the final grade. Haughty Harold bases two-thirds of his students' grades on his "view of their worth in a very Socratic lecture process" and the opinion of "the relevant TA who leads their discussion group," but he also says that doesn't grade or assess during semester. He has no time to quantify, but at the end of the semester, how can he possibly remember the performance of all his students in every class without making some sort of note of assessment each week? If students contest their grades, can he respond with the facts about the grade they earned? Or is it all based on the recollections of Harold and his TA about the previous five months?


  • I am one of those deluded assholes who “wastes time” grading student work. Let me tell you why. First, unlike Haughty Harold and Jen from Jonesboro, I don’t believe the only valuable learning occurs in the classroom or is imparted by the professor in the form of lectures and/or class discussions, Socratic or otherwise. My discipline is business management and I can demonstrate empirically that student learning is enhanced by doing case studies, critical thinking papers, and team discussions and presentations that all build on the stuff we cover in lectures. This requires that I provide them written and oral feedback about their work- feedback geared toward improving their work and their abilities to apply theories/frameworks, to think critically, and to effectively communicate their ideas to others. In practical terms this means that I have a shit-load of grading, especially since I have two undergrad section of 50 students each and a grad section of 20-30 students each stinking semester- and not a TA in sight to help out.


  • I think this is called a false dichotomy. Why are you seeing these activities as mutually exclusive? Good grading includes constructive feedback from which students can learn to improve their thinking and their subsequent work. It is true that not all students will see their work in this fashion, but that is their problem and not ours. I’m sad for you that you seem to have the attitude that you are ‘above the menial task’ of grading.


  • Is this April Fool’s all over again? “33% of their grade comes from my view of their worth in a very Socratic lecture process. 33% comes from the relevant TA who leads their discussion group. 34% comes on a blue-book final.” Two-thirds of the grade for your class is based on your whim and the whim of your TA? (Perhaps 100% because we don’t know if the final is also graded solely on your subjective “view of their worth.”) I’m guessing you’re tenured. Whether you are or not, you are definitely a pompous ass and I’d like to bitch slap you! I won’t dignify your stupid question with an answer because I need to get back to wasting my time objectively grading my students’ last quiz.


  • My mantra about grading: “If you don’t give a shit, it goes rather quickly.”


  • I like to think that assessment is an integral part of teaching, not a separate, unrelated, non-value-added, time-consuming activity. The assignments or exams are teaching tools as much as they are assessment tools. By studying for an exam, by preparing their one-page formula sheet to bring into an exam, my students are learning the material in a different kinesthetic / cognitive way than having me blather at them from the front of the classroom. If I just hand back an exam paper with a grade in red ink on the front cover, without looking past the cover page to see what was inked up, I'm not improving my teaching. By taking a little time to understand where the students had the most difficulty grasping the material in the exam they just took, then I can address those issues in future classes. The exam is an assessment of my teaching as much as it is an assessment of student learning. True, there are administrative aspects of grade tracking that eat up the time, but that's the cost of getting the feedback to improve teaching.


  • This is just another example of how Humanities-centered RYS is. In math, you learn by doing. Not by reading or listening, but by trying to prove something your self. Thus, the best kind of teaching I can offer is often a graded homework set. I can lecture until I'm blue in the face, but showing the students where they messed up while trying to do a problem themselves is much more helpful.


  • This sounds like a long winded way of saying, “Math is hard. Feelings are nice.” If you can’t teach and provide real feedback to your students, maybe you’ve found a better way to be a professor, or maybe you’re only good at half your job. Good thing you’ve got a TA to cover 1/3 of your “grading”.

Norm the Newbie from North Dakota On Hiring Shenanigans.


I may just be hopelessly naive, but I'm disgusted by a recent hiring decision made at my college.

I was asked to be the one 'non-departmental' member of a hiring committee in another department that happens to house offices near me. It was a casual offer, but the workload wasn't casual.

As this is only my second year on the job, I take all of my duties pretty seriously. The position had been advertised nationally and we had received more than 200 applications.

I spent the better part of two weekends going through the nicely prepared folders, letters, writing samples, vitae, etc. As asked, I came up with my top ten list and as a group we chose 4 candidates for phone interviews.

I attended 3 of these conference calls, made my notes, made my recommendation and then heard nothing for a few weeks.

When I spotted the committee chair the other day on campus I asked where the process was, who would be coming to campus and when.

The chair looked at me bemused and said, "Oh, we just hired 'Glen.'"

Glen's been a non-tenure-track member of their department for 3 years, apparently a good guy, a real cut-up at faculty meetings - he occasionally comes in carrying various odd totems, a lacrosse stick, a Dr. Seuss hat, etc.

The search chair kept up his walking and I was left standing in the snow wondering about the work that had gone into this hiring. Not just mine, although I found it hard but interesting work. But what of the applicants, those folks from Michigan and Connecticut and Texas. People with Ph.D.s (unlike Glen), people with families and dreams and in some cases books, lengthy publications, vast experience, etc.

What about those folks? How would they feel to know that our committee acted out a little fiasco in order to give Glen the job they all thought they were applying for.

It's shameful, these shenanigans. I'm less of a newbie than I was a little bit ago.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Jonesboro Jen Stirs up a Nest of Happy Graders.


The mail against Jen from Jonesboro and her "no grading" policy was pretty heavy. But as this piece was getting readied for the site, we got a couple of last minute notes that back up her view that grading is a bit of a waste of time. We'd love to hear more. For now, some flava of what's come in against Jen:

[+]

Good heavens, what was she thinking? I'm glad I never had someone like her as my prof. She doesn't grade because she thinks it forces students to conform? Has she ever heard of standards?

Grades are assigned for a reason and, yes, it is to force those same students to conform. In the jurisdictions where I'm professionally registered, the first clause of the respective codes of ethics is that the welfare of the public comes first and foremost. That means I must conform to a minimum level of conduct and capability in order to practice my profession.

I shudder to think what might happen if there are profs like her in engineering or medicine. The sooner that they are removed from the system, the better. The public which those professions serve would expect nothing less.

[+]

Jen from Jonesboro is a jackass. And a lazy one at that. Interestingly enough, there are some things that are truly incorrect, as opposed to a difference of opinion, in any discipline I can think of. If she's in the physical or social sciences, there's such a thing as empirical evidence, which often goes against what lay-people think they "Know" to be true. If she's in the humanities, then I'd really love it if she helped teach these kids how to write at a college level, to think critically, to form arguments or defend a position. How about how to look up information about precedent from somewhere besides The Google? These are fancy things called "skills," and are not the same thing as opinion.

She went to many many years of school to earn a higher education, and therefore she SHOULD know better than the sleepy-eyed mouth-breathers that populate her classes. Her degrees and her salary are symbolic of her "opinion" being superior to her students'.

And here's a newsflash: they know. I can tell you every teacher I had in high school, college, and grad school that did not grade our work. It took a couple of assignments to work it out, and from then on, we did not do the work. We wrote snotty or random answers in our assignments, made sure our answers were different from our friends' answers in the class (for the sake of variety), and otherwise blew off the class and the teacher as it was an astounding waste of our time. I beg Jen to find me the student without straight As that appreciates a curve (these being the idiots). As a student and now as a teacher, I remember those teachers with contempt.

But here's the part that galls me the most. She does all this "extra" work prepping her courses to make up for not grading anything? To me, this is the equivalent of my students sending me a poorly punctuated email two-thirds of the way through the course asking if they can do some extra-credit assignments to help make up their grade, because they "HAVE to pass the class. Pleeeeeease??" I look at the gradebook and see that they miss class frequently, turn in half-assed assignments if at all, and generally exhibit surprising lassitude at every turn. No, Jen, "extra" doesn't count for shit if you're not doing the actually required work first.

[+]

"I think grading just means you want them to see the world the way you do and most people don’t like it when students see the world differently. I am here to tell you students see the world totally differently than we do."

Uh...yes. And sometimes, the "world" they see is, you know, incorrect. Surely your degree means you have some expertise in some area which they lack, which you impart in some way, and which grading assignments - irritating as they may be - is designed to measure.

Does grading mean I want my students to see the world the way I do? No, and I wouldn't be very happy if they all wrote papers mirroring what I say in class. But I do want them to, I don't know, use and cite evidence, make an argument, write in a grammatically correct fashion, organize their papers, use appropriate style...and if they are, say, writing a paper on Thomas Hobbes, what they write about him may - and I would add, hopefully will be - different from what I say in lecture. But what they say should show that they have read, though about, and have some understanding of Hobbes.

Hopeless and Haughty Harold Wanders Into Firing Range. This Week's Big Thirsty. "Who's Wasting Their Time Grading, Anyway?"


I read with some interest Jen from Jonesboro and her thoughts on grading. I must say she sounds like she's cut from the same cloth as myself, which by I mean, she sounds extremely bright. (That's just a joke.)

I may be hopelessly out of touch with the way things are done nowadays, but the overly hysterical machinations around "assessment" just don't fit with what I'm doing. I suppose that newcomers to the academy might like a stack of rubrics, but I don't spend one moment's worry on what grades my students earn. I simply don't have time to do much more than teach them what I've spent more than 25 years learning myself.

My courses are jammed full of material. Students prove their worth in how they contend with that material in class, in discussion, and on a final exam. 33% of their grade comes from my view of their worth in a very Socratic lecture process. 33% comes from the relevant TA who leads their discussion group. 34% comes on a blue-book final. No grading goes on during the semester. I believe students know how they're doing by the look on my face. (That's perhaps too dismissive.)

Taking my class is about the material we cover, and that's my focus. If all I did was try to quantify everyone's worth, I'd never have time to teach the material.

Q: I'd love to know what percentage of time your other readers lose to the great time-killer that is assessment. Do you spend more time trying to grade your students, or teach them? (And do you know how wrong one of those answers is?)

A: Send replies here.

Fool'd.


So, yesterday was another April Fool's Day Massacre at the compound. The mail was hot and heavy, and for a few hours in the wee hours many folks were convinced we'd lost our "hairy fucking minds" by letting Walter have so much space. Some of our favorite comments are below. Things are going back to normal now, we mean, as long as we can get rid of all of the "stuff" Walter left in the pool. (No chemical will kill it.) We're also leaving the page design up for one more day, just in case you missed it.)


  • Oh, God! I'm such a jackass. I was duped again. I thought nothing would touch your "outing" from a couple of years ago, but Walter's Pornucopia of Pedagogy got me thinking you'd all gone crazy. I imagined, momentarily, how different the page would be with him in charge! Oh silly. I never checked the date. Well played, RYS...now, please, go lock him up again.


  • LOVIN' IT. You silly silly people. I haven't laughed so hard at RYS since LAST April Fool's Day and your listing of "personal ads." I wish I had the time to live at the compound. I can't wait to see how today's postings go down with the usual assortment of humorless nuts who read the page.


  • Seriously, what is wrong with you people. Nobody wants to hear any more shit from this asshole. I'm through with the page.


  • I can take Walter in SMALL droplets, but don't ever give him 3 entries in one day again. It's embarrassing.


  • I continue to be amazed at RYS. I hated today's postings. This is not entertainment. Walter is a nut, and not even an interesting nut. If he's the new moderator of the page, then you can count me out.


  • I think your new page design is not just offensive, but non-American. Old Glory should never fly upside down. You should be ashamed of yourselves.


  • Please don't let him write any more. I also don't approve of the new page design.


  • Are you really changing the name of the site?


  • If we get to vote, I vote we get any of the former mods back to run the page. If Walter's going to run it, I want out.


  • I hate the new look of the page. Is that blood? What in living hell is going on with you people?


  • I don't understand why you'd work so hard to establish RYS as a sort of brand and then be willing to change the name of the site to satisfy one of your "favorites." I hate Walter's postings, and you can be sure I'm not interested in anything else you have to say.


  • Personally, you've always been a little too inappropriate for my tastes, but yesterday's postings from "Walt" left a bad taste in my mouth. You should be embarrassed.


  • Your new template is ugly, and not a little offensive.


  • I now have to write to all of my friends and colleagues so they will NO LONGER read this page. You published one of my postings several weeks ago, and at that time I thought RMS was a serious discussion site for college professors. Now I see you're just disrespectful louts, and I want nothing to do with it.


  • One word for you: law suit.


  • Bullshit.


  • I like that the page is sometimes edgy, but you've done a disservice to the good things RYS sometimes does by giving so much space to someone like Wicked Walter. I think his whole act is offensive, and I'd rather you didn't give him so much space.


  • Had me taken in for about 30 seconds until I remembered the date. Good thing, too, cause Walt is just that crazy.


  • Wicked Walt could turn me into a masochist. If I had to be smacked down by someone, I'd want it to be him. Rawr.


  • I never thought I’d miss those whiny liberal arts proffies, but, then again, I never thought I’d have to read through a whole day’s worth of WW. Good effing grief. In the event that this change is permanent, let me cover all my bases here. I, for one, welcome our new Wicked overlord.


  • MY EYES! MY EYES!!


  • Okay, somebody has to fess up. How did you do it? You didn't really get Walter to help, did you? My money is on Compound Calico, who I know from some casual correspondence through the site, is a certifiable nutcase himself. (In the best possible way, of course). Simply brilliant. Even the graphics!


  • I laughed so hard at "Walt" that I snorted my latte all over Section B of the Chronicle.


  • You have lost your hairy fucking minds if you think the posts from this morning are "representative" of your readership. I've been reading RYS since 2006 and I think what you've done by inviting that idiot to run things is reprehensible. Say goodbye to your readers, douchebags.


  • Before all the whiners and complainers (and moderators!) "banned" Walt from the site, I used to read every day, just in case his madness came around. Of course it's been a while since his "style" has had such free reign. I don't even care if it was him or just you compoundites (which it probably was), because it was the kind of academic enema we all need. Long live Walt, at least the "Walt" inside all of us.


  • I love you people so much! I really don't know how you do this every day. Sure, channeling Walt's insanity must have been fun, but every day you have 2-3 posts on here, and almost every one is fascinating and spot on about the problems in our silly profession. I don't know how much I'd pay for a journal that did what RYS did, but I know I'd have it on my list higher than any staid and dusty tome that currently takes up my "official" reading.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

What Went Before.


You know, I'm sorry to see the former tenants go. They were a funny bunch. All earnest. All trying so hard.

It's hard to be earnest in 2005, man. it's just a time unlike any other. But I did want to thank them for the keys, the hooch, and the map to the underground pool facilities. (Although why they have the washer and dryer in another building I just don't get.)

It's nice here. Hot, though. Hot as any car hood on a July 4th picnic outside of Waco. Sunny as shit, but I brought my blackout curtains and it's dry year round.

But those fuckers lost the plot a long time back, and this goddamned site became a sort of parade for every malcontent and halfwit who thought a PhD gave him a license to kill and bore me to death.

Listen, nothing's easy.

And so the lessons are going to run once a day or so, or whenever I GODDAMNED feel like doing it. I've got my lab assistant Cooter going to help me with graphics and so on, and as soon as he dries his hands off he's going to take over the new laptop I've got here humming and he's going to type what I say.

I figure I've got 150 or so important things I want y'all to know. And it's going to be a trip. For you, too, of course.

So many folks congregate at these dismal crossroads to bitch about their students, OH THE STUDENTS, HOW THEY MOCK ME. What a load of crap. You know how seriously I take the concerns of a 19 year old kid from Tyler, Texas. Well, I can't even measure how little, me being Texas-born and all, a place where no snake under 24" is even worth cracking with a rifle butt.

That whining is all over with. Y'all can bitch to your significant others, gay, straight, furry, whatever. Here, the lessons will take place. Here I will dispense what has made me what I am, the balls-out leading Crack-Shit-Scientist in the country. Sure, there's that asshole up in New Haven, but if he's not wearing garters under his khakis, then Davey Crockett didn't have a queer hat.

You have come to the source, children. And to any of those compound jagoffs, I've already locked the gates and re-keyed the main buildings. So, good luck trying to get the place back.

Presto,
Walt

Regime Change Underway.


Hello?

Is this on?

Oh, okay.

So, fuck y'all for making me work doubly hard. I can't be expected to get this page in order on short notice. Why don't y'all give me one of those goonie grad students you use to clean the latrines at Compound College?

Okay, lesson 1, here it comes. It's just a simply little pedagogical pathology.

I don't let 'em think I hear 'em.

They say things, sure. Who can stop them.

But I just motor on. I have material, you know? I mean, I have enough material to talk until the cows come back from the FAR end of the property.

So when I get questions, I just keep going. A little of this and a little of that. They stop soon enough. What the fuck do they have to spoil my flow, baby, my Flo-Shizzle!

Sure, sometimes one of them actuall meets my gaze as I stride around the Walt-atorium, but I just stare 'em down until their hand goes back to their stinky desks. I even sometimes say, "Any questions?" And I grin like I'm drunk. (Which is not a gigantic acting exercise.) Hands shoot up and they get these little smirks on their faces. Oh, now I'm going to be called on, guy with the hump thinks, or, here's my chance to impress Professor Walt with my cleavage and my understanding of chemical ordinals. But I just look around as if I were lost in a train station and then say, "Oh, okay, guess not. Well, then I'm off to the ranch. See you next week."

And then of course I'm out of there before they can pack their shit up.

Okay, one lesson down. You're eating with the King, now, mofus.

I Put the Utopia In You Suck!

I can't be bothered to figure out the little things. I can't run after all the goons in the Admin building who need to know where my grant money goes. I can't be bothered to make up those ridiculous spreadsheets with all the dollars and cents.

You want to know what the National Science Foundation bought me? One cracker microscope and then of course this new GPS for the truck. Who can prove it? It's not like I bought the fucker on Amazon or anything.

What you really want to do with the Admina-eunuchs is smile and laugh at any goddamned thing that comes out of their mouths. They all took a Toastmasters class last semester down in Galveston, so you gotta play to their vanity. And they've got vanity like my lab assistant Cooter has got dandruff.

Admins need to be fed and cared for, but you don't have to give them the best stuff. Instead, just dribs and drabs. Show them a glinty something or other and tell them, this is where the money is going. I run this lab and you fuckers pay for it, and I'm ever so grateful. Point out a laptop computer. This is a Dell Inspiron 99XX Machiavelli, the special brand us Science Freaks use to crunch the really big data. We couldn't afford it before your largesse, and now we can. And we're going to get us some HOT SHIT new students because of your kindness.

All the while you're doing this, you keep shouldering the fat fuckers toward the door. Gotta lab, Meldrick. Gotta ton of student who need remediation. I want to help. GOD DAMMIT I WANT TO TEACH.

You do this three times a year and then go get yourself a fucking ribeye. I like mine almost any time of the day, and there are two places within spitting distance of my lab where I can get e'm nice and bloody.

So, lesson #2 is over.

Is anyone writing this shit down, chronicling it, because it's pure fucking gold.

About RYS:

Rate Your Students (RYS) is an academic blog moderated by a rotating group of college professors. To submit work for possible inclusion on the RYS blog, please submit text to our main mailing address.

Generally, stand alone pieces that are "lively" and focused on the terrifying life of a college proffie have the highest chance of making the page. Responses to earlier posts work well only when they come in within 24 hours of the original post. Otherwise the issue has often cooled.

There will usually be 2 site-wide questions each week, the so called "early thirsty" on Tuesday and the "big thirsty" on - well, Thursday. Generally, short and savage replies work best as we normally bundle a variety of responses in bullet format.

Due to the amount of mail we receive, it is impossible to reply to writers, even those whose work we use. This is a failing we would change if we could. Generally, if your post doesn't appear within the first week of you sending it, we've passed on it.

We also are happy to consider links and videos you think our readers might be interested in. We post links on an irregular schedule, but are currently posting 4-5 videos a week given the number of suggested pieces that come in.

We no longer entertain requests for press of any kind. The names of current and past moderators are not available. If you don't like the VidShizzles, please don't watch them. If you don't like the site, please don't read it. If you think we're clueless morons who've ruined the profession, then join the fucking club.