Going (Partially) Dark Until Sept 1: Where the Moderators Wave Goodbye, And Freight This Whole Venture With Probably Too Much Import

As of this morning, RYS is going on its summer hiatus. We will not be posting regularly - or responding to email again - until September 1st. (We do hope you'll set a little reminder to come back and see us then.)

We've done our best to be fair to the email that comes to us, always striving to showcase representative pieces. While it may appear we have a powerful hand here - I mean we do live in a "compound" - we mostly just report what our readers and correspondents have to say.

We always marvel at the wide variety of ideas that come pouring through the site, and we sense that our readers - growing steadily all year, and hitting pre-regime-change highs this past month - like what we're up to.

Of course, sometimes folks get angry at the tone. How can professors not love the "little treasures"? Why on earth do we need to revert to the "smackdown"?

Well, who knows? We are sick of teaching the little buggers, as we normally are at this time of the year. Yet we're all on the schedule at our respective colleges for Fall classes. We suspect that in August we'll finally get off the booze and start looking forward to the always vexing challenges of the modern classroom.

And we'll get back to work here as well full time, letting our readers say the things they dream of saying.

We will be posting occasional pieces over the summer, in between the exotic and lovely events that make up our vacation from the academy.

We love you. You know that, right? And if you see one of us rip-roaring drunk in some tiki bar in Marathon, Florida, and we claim to be the HIGH EXALTED LEADER OF RATEYOURSTUDENTS, MOTHERFUCKER, just ignore us. It's not really us. We're actually writing a monograph about birds, or reading PerezHilton.com for more info on poor Lindsay.

Until then, friends.
RYS

The Graduate

A couple of weeks ago I became the first person in my family to graduate from college. Moreover I was accepted to my top choice Ph.D. program for the fall, fully funded, and I am 21 years old.

But I have a confession to make. I used to be one of the students you commiserate about on this site. When I did make it to class at all, I generally fell asleep. I was typically wearing pajama pants and had a generally disheveled appearance. I cheated when I thought I could get away with it and never once had to face the music. Whether or not this was due to instructors not noticing or not wanting to deal with it I'll never know.

I came up with some of the most incredible excuses to get out of having to turn in certain assignments, many of which got me either excused or at least an extension. Other times I simply feigned illness, family tragedy or used my involvement with sports as a reason that my coursework continually took a backseat. When I didn't find an assignment or class especially compelling I did only what I needed to do to get by and generally wasted many a talented educator's time with barely passing drivel. All my life everyone around me had told me that I was smart and I believed it. Considering myself smarter than practically everyone else had become, in many ways, a core part of the way I viewed myself. My problem was the only way I saw fit to use my intelligence was to manipulate the system so that I could continue to be lazy.

Part of my problem was that I couldn't see beyond my own nose in terms of what value any of the material I was being offered might have. To me, schooling was compulsory and I was just going through the motions and waiting for it to be over so my life could finally start. I think this is the case with many of students referenced here.

But what I came to realize was that my life started the moment I decided to take responsibility for its direction. This was my life, this was my education and this was my future. Did I want to be just another mediocre person, still just going through the motions of living and wondering whatever became of my potential at age 40? Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I had incredible power to do incredible things. An absolutely fascinating world opened up and it was mine for the taking, limited only by how hard I was willing to work for it. Rest assured, I worked my ass off, aided by wonderful professors who went well out of their way to reach out to me.

To the students who read this, there is absolutely no joy to be found in choosing to be mediocre. What you do here and now does set the foundation for what you will continue to do throughout your life. If you can find nothing to inspire you here where your only job is to learn from masters, how do you honestly expect to survive 30 some years of the work force without it being a soul crushing experience? Wake up. Your only life is passing you by and you're barely present to notice it.

And to the professors who didn't give up on me even when I routinely disappointed them, and the professors who aided and encouraged me through my transformation: thank you.

More than you know, thank you.

Enough Regret to Go Around

I've just been alerted by one of your classmates that you left a less-than-stellar review of my teaching on that dreaded Other Site Not to Be Named. She even graciously copied and pasted it into an email message for me. Yes, you left it anonymously, but did you really think I wouldn't recognize your writing style after sixteen weeks of reading it?

I see you think that I "ruined" your GPA by giving you the grade you earned, a B. It seems that none of your previous English professors at my college ever gave you anything lower than an A, so that means all other English faculty must be bound by their judgment. You are dismayed that I actually graded you in a literature class based on the quality of your writing style. So you are telling the world that you are shocked your writing ability was the major component of your grade:

• in a literature class, which is devoted to great writing


• taught in an English department


• presumably a place that upholds writing and documentation standards


• in a course designated as writing-intensive, which means the majority of your grade must come from your writing


• taught by a professor with a degree in rhetoric


• who spent the entire first week of class reviewing what she expected from you in terms of writing style

I offered an entire week before the major paper was due for you to submit your work to me for a conference, either online or in person. You had nothing else to do for my class that week. Several of your classmates took advantage of this, but you did not. I work very hard to present my standards clearly and make myself available to students both online and in person. I care deeply about student progress and learning and would have gladly worked with you. But now, because you thought you could rest on your previous instructors' assessments of your freshman-level work, you judge me to be a terrible professor and "truly regret" taking my class.

I can honestly say that, given your lack of engagement with your classmates and me coupled with your attitude of entitlement, I truly regret your having taken my class as well. Students like you make me sit down to calculate when I could take early retirement (and I'm still in my 30s!).

Post #500 Since the Regime Change - Silent Young Girl

Dear Professors,

I'm going to try and clear up a few things, rather than go off and "rate you" on pointless websites.

If you intend to continue bleating on about how badly we've graded you on course evaluations, there actually is a possibility that you ARE doing something wrong. If a freshman has just handed in the first essay of the semester, you are going to have to realize that she needs constructive criticism. It does no good to write that the only good point of the entire essay is that she "handed it in on time" or "had an introduction." We're NOT expecting the world’s best grade. We're expecting the help that we're paying for, that's if you even really care.

Seriously, if you really don't care about what we rate you all, why whine on so childishly about it on this site with repetition?

Please realize, professors, that this isn't a student trying to pick out your flaws as a lecturer, but someone trying put up a mirror, to show you that our problems are very similar. Next time you're about to post something on RYS, take a breath and realize your own wrongs, or realize that you're lucky enough to have a silent young girl sitting in your front row actually trying to take in what you have to say.

Some People Really Get It: Where a Longtime Correspondent Takes a Whack At Closing Out The Semester

Hey kids! What time is it?

Time to admit to the bitter end of another semester of dashed expectations? Time to bust out some of Kentucky's finest, kick back, and slowly erase the name of every pajama-clad tuition payer from the collective memory banks, one jelly jar at a time? Time to spill gasoline and flip a match over every last robotic rehash spewed from the Wikipedia-fueled-cut-n-paste-cuisinart that is a freshman's laptop? Time to wash your hands of the collective assault on the Western Canon by the future cubicle-jockeys of America and re-read Robert Frost in the original English; not paraphrased into, like, dudespeak?

Not yet. It's time again for everyone's favorite end-of-semester ritual: Whack-a-Mole.

Fire up the e-mail and get ready for the fun to start.

"Yo, Tie-wearing bro. My page-and-a-half final research paper comparing William Shakespeare to that other great bard, Trent Reznor? I dropped it off two days late. Is that, like, a problem? Rock on."

"Can I have an incomplete for the seven assignments I couldn't identify on a dare?

"You may not remember me, but ..."

"Hey Prof, why did my grade nosedive from a B to a D-?"

Whack!-Whack!-Whack!-Whack!

In order: "Not for me." "Sure, but only if you submit them in Farsi." "You're right, I don't." "Of your final two papers, the first was proofread by rabid wolverines, while for the second, you out-lazied even yourself and Googled your way to an D-. Relying on sources such as Shakespearience.com and Bard-o-rama.com when I repeatedly implored the class to utilize sources from the university databases, plus your boneheaded willingness to bodydump Sparknotes into the mix THEN submit that mess to Turnitin.com? You, sir, are a moron. Sparknotes? You would have less chance standing out if you rolled into Sturgis, South Dakota on a razor scooter. You blow off office hours all semester, ignore my willingness to review papers via e-mail before the due date, and now, suddenly, you're concerned about your grade?"

Whack!

"Take that!"

Candor. We're Always a Sucker For It. We'd Prefer It To Almost Any Other Approach. One Thing, Kid. Could You Post The Photos To Facebook?

Hi Dr. Z,

I got absurdly drunk last night and just woke up right now naked and covered with bruises and cuts. I have no idea how I got home, but yeah, here is my paper. I was going to try to get motivated to write more of it, but realistically, it's not gonna happen.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

S

We, Too, Are Pulling For the Widgets

When I accepted a one-year post at your university, I was happy and excited. Your school prides itself on its rising academic reputation and fiercely loyal alumni. Never mind that I had spent the past two years teaching your hated crosstown rivals (the Widgets), who you considered beneath you socially and academically. I thought the change would be refreshing. Boy, was I wrong.

Despite the fact that you all pride yourselves on being quite intelligent, you have the study habits and learning skills of retarded sea cucumbers. When I gave out homework assignments to your hated enemies across town, I’d expect—and get—about half a dozen e-mails and office hour visits about the material, usually within 48 hours of giving out the assignment. I always welcomed this, as it showed that they were actually taking an interest in their education. When I gave you homework, I’d hear nothing from you until the beginning of class the day it was due—and then all I’d get were complaints about how hard and confusing it was. There’s a reason why I posted my e-mail and office hours on the syllabus, people!

When I taught across town, it never occurred to me to grade on attendance. I assumed that students at an elite research university were capable of taking responsibility for their own education, and they were. I taught classes with about 40 students enrolled, and on most days, about 37 showed up (and out of the missing 3, usually at least one of them would e-mail me to say why he/ she couldn’t make it).

And you? Let me tell you how much I love spending hours prepping lectures and class activities, only to show up and find that out of a class of 11, only 2 bothered to show up. This happened on several occasions, too. And the only people apologizing were the honorable few who actually did show up—they told me that this was precisely because I didn’t grade on attendance and didn’t give pop quizzes. You’re paying something like $1200 a unit to be there, and you need to be tortured into going to class??

Of course, this isn’t all your fault. Some of the blame lies on a university culture that places more value on resume-padding “community service” than on academics. It’s pretty obvious from the kinds of excuses I’ve been getting for your half-assed class attendance and mastery of course material (desperate letter-writing campaigns! last-minute event-planning crises!) that you are used to profs giving you a pass so you can go out and Make A Difference. And that the B’s and C’s you got from me (which would have been D’s and F’s across town) were the first you’ve seen in your sorry little lives.

My fault was assuming that your school was an actual research university, as stated disingenuously on its website. This, I’m sure, is meant to disguise the fact that it’s actually Slytherin with a football team.

Of course, you’re all too arrogant and full of yourselves to recognize yourselves in this. To which I have a two-word reply: Go Widgets!

De-Programmed

Dear student that I have only seen once in two semesters,

You have no idea. No clue whatsoever. You have no clue about this subject I've been teaching (programming), you have no clue about how you should go about learning to program, and you have no clue about how much I know about what you've been up to. I'm not stupid.

I know what you did for that assignment. I hauled you in along with your "friend" for an investigation into possible plagiarism, and I'm not sure whether you were nervous beforehand or not, but you must have been relieved when all we could get evidence for was your "friend" stealing a copy of your assignment off your computer. But I know you didn't write that program code. You got someone else to write it for you. Oh, you wrote the explanation bit all right, it was just the program code that you hired someone else to do. You haven't the faintest idea that it is glaringly obvious when competent program code accompanied by some meaningless drivel doesn't add up. You just think I'm stupid enough to believe that that's your own work. No, I just didn't have the evidence. BIG difference. I know you hired someone. So you pay all this for tuition, and then pay even more to hire someone to do your work for you? Isn't kinda cheaper to do your own work? Why would you pay all this money and not attend?

You didn't attend, not once, all semester. I keep records, I know these things. Fortunately you did abysmally on the final exam, and failed the course. I say fortunately, because I hate to see plagiarists benefit from their plagiarism. So a few months later, there you were again, back in my course. You decided that since you didn't pass the course last time, a different tactic was needed this time. But you still think I'm an idiot. You sent me a series of emails (you didn't show up to class once, mind, just the emails), spinning me the line "Oh I'm pregnant. I can't think straight I'm having an abortion that's why I had to miss weeks and weeks of classes" and I have to say you're obviously very practiced at this sort of email. You probably couldn't manage to conjure up the right degree of emotion in person, but in writing, you're very skilled at this wheedling thing. But you don't realize the giveaway, why I know it's highly unlikely you were really in abortion troubles: there's a big difference between students who have genuine problems and those who are trying to wheedle special considerations that they don't deserve. Students who have genuine upsets and who sincerely want to make up for what they've missed are not only more mature about the issue and contact you in advance, they tend to just mention the biggest issue that is affecting them, and downplay anything else for fear of causing too much fuss, and then when they say they'll turn up the next week and/or do the work, they usually do a pretty good approximation.

Students like you, however, one of the whining lazy variety, don't contact me until very late in the day, and then one excuse is never enough. Why use one excuse when five or six can be invented/exaggerated? And then the promises. Oh the promises! They promise they will turn up for every class from now on! They will do their work on time in future! They will work hard! And do they? Is the Pope Muslim? You, my lazy absent student, fit the latter profile. Not only did you talk of abortion troubles, but you also talked of your great fear of embarrassment, your financial difficulties, of how you couldn't get to use a computer at home to send emails with, nor could you use the laboratories, nor could you attend classes because of lack of lab access (a blatant lie, classes don't need lab access). Then you promised to attend faithfully (which you didn't, I saw you only once all semester and even then I had great difficulty picking my jaw up off the floor). You also tried to lay it on really thick, saying you didn't know where else to turn and I was the only person you were speaking to about this (this contradicted several of your earlier emails).

So yes, you did get the extension on the assignment that you were angling for, as you would have had sufficient evidence to denounce me in front of my colleagues as a heartless soul if I hadn't. And I replied to you in an exemplary email, written as if I had no doubt of your truthfulness, a long screed full of concern and helpful advice on what resources there were available and how you could best make use of academic opportunities in the future when you were up to it. So you probably think I am a naive sucker as well as stupid. My only hope is that you at least felt a little guilty about the time it took me to write the lengthy caring and supportive reply.

But then, you made a mistake. No, not the bit where you handed in the late assignment when it clearly says in the instructions that I DO NOT ACCEPT LATE ASSIGNMENTS. No no, that wasn't a mistake, that was what saved you. No, the mistake was where you, once again, on this freshly unique assignment, hired someone to do the programming for you. You didn't even bother to make much of an attempt at the documentation this time. You didn't bother doing proper testing of the file you received from your friend. If you had, you might have written over the electronic evidence which revealed the equivalent of "received this code from a friend" stamped all over it. Your friend thinks one of us is stupid though, I'm not sure which, you or me or maybe both of us? See, that code you got from your friend? That code you tried to submit as your attempt at the assignment? That code looked kinda familiar. Way too familiar. It turns out that it bears substantial resemblance to some code I've seen before.... MY CODE.

Yes, my code, not from my lecture notes or anywhere in the public domain, but from my private files. This programmer must have gone searching through my files, found a relevant file, and altered it to fit the assignment. Beautifully done though, I take off my hat to your programmer friend. If you had turned in "your" assignment on time, I'd have hauled you in for plagiarism, and then you'd have had nowhere to run: do you admit that you copied a file from someone else? or pretend that you did the copying?

You have one chance left to pass this compulsory course. I have the feeling you will turn up next semester for my course yet again. And I will ask you to come and see me, because I want to talk to you, not to accuse you but to help you. Because you are a student on my course and I have a duty of care towards you, I want to tell you what is the only way to pass the course, and how plagiarism is not part of that, and that I am not stupid and I do detect plagiarism and plagiarism will not help you.

But you are the one that is stupid, not me. You cannot program, and you will keep far away from my office and my classes, which will ensure you remain unable to program. Then if you do submit an assignment it will be plagiarized yet again and I will haul you in for questioning and then finally, you will realise that I am not stupid, that I do detect plagiarism, and that it is too late. You will realize that I could have helped you, but you didn't take the help when it was offered. And as you get thrown out, twice over, both for plagiarizing and for failing to pass a compulsory course, you will no longer think I'm stupid. Instead, you will hate me and you will think it's all your fault that you didn't manage to buy yourself a degree.

Yours sincerely,
Your programming professor

Aren't We All?

Dear Students,

T -- Writing "there was too much math in this class," for a pre-calculus class, is rather silly. Here's a hint -- the course is in the *math* department. It's not in the underwater basket weaving department.

G -- Why did you write 'slow down in lectures'? You only attended 8. It doesn't seem as fast if you know what we did yesterday, and the day before, and ...

H, C, and F -- You're super, hardworking students, and I'm glad you liked me. But why couldn't you have told me how wonderful I was on the evaluations that the department sees, too?

D -- I don't care whether you want to file a complaint with the dean, the course coordinator, or whomever you feel like. Write a letter to your Senator. But 68% doesn't round to 70%. It really doesn't. We round to the nearest percent, not the nearest ten percent.

A -- Getting a D last semester doesn't mean that you can skip class all semester, cram for the final, and magically earn that C. It earns you ...another D.

Sincerely,
Exhausted.

Another Reply To Yesterday's "A Call For Us to Be Better"

Dear "Call,"

I'm sorry your professors care about attendance. I'm sorry that they don't view grades and points as something that can be given away if a student really wants them, I'm sorry that they complain about you on their websites. I apologize for those amongst them who assign homework as if they expected you to do it. But really, are you surprised?

You knew when you applied for university that there would be homework, that there would be classes you had to go to. You entered university believing it was a system that made you a better person and one more prepared for a career, by instilling knowledge in you. And you knew that knowledge was not something that could be simply purchased and consumed like food, or imparted passively like watching a movie. You knew that knowledge is something that only comes after work, and that the more you work at it, the more knowledge you gain. You knew that the university system also expected you to work independently. You knew that academia has rules and regulations regarding intellectual property, original work, presenting work in certain formats, using certain kinds of language properly and effectively.

And you did it anyway.

You did it because you had a yearning to learn. You had a yearning to improve yourself and develop your potential. Nurture it through listening to your professors who may know a thing or two you don't. Nurture it by working hard. Nurture it by fulfilling assignments and realizing that you may not be learning exactly what you think you should learn, but at the end you may have learned something you really needed.

While you may not love every class, or every professor, you will find at least one class and one professor who touches you and who really helps you to develop yourself. In a society that does not always value higher education, uncommercializable knowledge and skills, that portrays people who get good grades and enjoy class as antisocial nerds, you can still fight the good fight to let that passion inside you burn.

Or wait a minute….maybe you didn't know university is hard work. Maybe you don't want anything you don't think will help you in your later professional life. Maybe you don't realize that even seemingly esoteric knowledge and antiquarian standards of academic writing can even give you necessary skills for your professional life—like discipline. Maybe you don't understand that being at university is partially about teaching yourself to learn. Maybe you didn't expect to have to do things yourself; you expected to be spoon-fed, given high marks and handed a diploma.

Well now you've gone and done it. And you're pretty much stuck. Because 90% of my college professors (and my professors in both my masters programs—yup I'm an antisocial nerd with two masters) loved their jobs and did stand up for high ideals of teaching and learning. They worked tirelessly with students who tried to learn, who were genuinely interested in improving themselves. The ones who had no such interest, who didn't put forth an effort, they left alone. Not because they were burned-out and not because they secretly hated every student and looked forward to every chance to crush another soul, but because they couldn't give students anything the students weren't willing to work for.

One of the main reasons I work in the education industry (not as a professor, just for the record) is that people who work in education are some of the most selfless individuals I have ever met who give their all for their students. And yes they make fun of them in private, anonymously, they blow off steam like everyone else. The perfidy post was definitely over the top and I hope tongue-in-cheek. But I have seen acts of sacrifice by professors (and university administrators even) for the good of students, unmatched anywhere else. Students have to face up to their end of the bargain too. Not because professors are cruel but because that's the nature of education.

To you is given the sole possibility of achieving the greatest of all satisfaction by receiving the greatest of all gifts. It just takes a little work.

That Hiatus Can't Come Too Soon

We have to admit we're a little shocked at the mail that has come in overnight regarding a A Call For Us To Be Better. Of course the student who wrote it is a little naive, and views the life of a professor a little too simply, but we're not entirely sure that rekindling a bit of teaching passion is such a bad idea. But our readers have other thoughts:

• What makes you imagine that I went into academia to be a teacher or, worse yet, "burned for the yearning feeling deep in [my] soul"? I didn't join Teach for America, I went through years of graduate school to become a scholar, not a teacher. Teaching is a byproduct, sometimes fabulous, sometimes horrible, of the life I've chosen to lead.


• This fire in the belly you describe belongs to someone else. Suck on that, and enjoy your career as a motivational speaker for people who despise you.


• You've been watching too many movies. Where do you get the idea that any of us became university professors because we had any "fire in [our] heart" for teaching, or the "feeling one has when [we] are able to help just one person succeed?" I became a professor because I love my discipline, and through talent and extremely hard work and some luck earned several degrees and landed a good job in the business of extending, preserving, and imparting knowledge.


• Most professors - even the authors of the strongest vitriol on this blog - are happy to teach, as that is an integral part of the knowledge business, but many of us would ideally like a bit more control over what and to whom we teach, and it is little wonder that we deplore some students who (regardless of actual academic ability!) express contempt for this business that we love.


• The second half of the recent post, comprised as it was of trite homilies cut and pasted from Hallmark cards, made me gag a bit. You are a student, the academic equivalent of a toddler - on what basis are you judging which actions will give us "the greatest of all satisfaction?"Do you offer your parents this kind of advice? Come back when you have
  some perspective from which to make such assertions.


• Woah there, buddy! I think you just may be confusing the high school teacher from "Dangerous Minds" with professors. Most professors do not become "teachers" so that they can change the world by inspiring one hitherto-oblivious student per semester. Usually, they are in it for the research, and for the minute possibility of a breakthrough in the field. Teaching is an attachment to the package. Some professors love teaching, and most are damn good at it because of experience. But, professors are not trained to be teachers. They are scholars. Also, it may be shocking for you to learn this, but there are some universities out there that value the quality of professors' research more than the quality of their teaching! Scandalous, I know. Instead, they should go by inspiration-per-semester statistics when granting tenure.
  

A Mediocre Student Comes Clean And Asks For Forgiveness

I am sorry for being late to class pretty much the whole semester. It was rude and disrespectful. I am sorry for asking for an extension on the online test. My laptop battery really did die, and I really didn't have a charger, but I waited until the last minute to begin. If I hadn't waited the problem would have been easily remedied. I am sorry for surfing the web during class. I naively thought you wouldn't be able to tell what I was doing.

I'm sorry for emailing you excessively. While I never whined or made demands, your time is precious and I took up too much of it. I'm sorry for skipping class and then asking you to rehash what we did while I was gone. Again, a waste of your time.

Although I can't take back all of the rude, arrogant, inconsiderate things I have done in the first three years of my college education, I promise that for my last three semesters I will be a model student. Or, at least, I'll stop pulling the dumb shit I have in the past.

A Call For Us To Be Better

I recent discovered RYS. After reading a few entries I was refreshed - hilarious stuff, I thought.

Then I came upon the "Perfidy" entry from May 21st.

This may be the most depressing post I've ever read - wishing such misfortunes on students because of their laziness and lack of interest in earning an education.

Don't get me wrong - the sentiment is understandable, our (and I say "our" because I am a student) inattentiveness and disinterest lamentable - but we are still people.

I'm not much for passing blame. I like to take responsibility. I earned a "B"? It wasn't because my teacher disliked me - it's because I thought I could get away with skipping homework. The instructor won't give me the two points I need to move from a "B" to an "A"? Teacher doesn't hate me because I didn't give her an apple the first day of class - I simply made it clear that I was completely (perhaps overly) capable of handling the material in my class with my hands tied behind my back... and I showed my arrogance by skipping class too many times.

However, when a blog devoted to rating ones students is filled with passionately angry letters from teachers describing their hatred of students to the point that lines such as, " May your lack of concentration result in an accident that kills you" are spattered across a page as if such unabashed hatred and anger is acceptable thanks to the state of America's youth...

Well, Houston, we have a problem.

I'm sorry that the people you are educating don't care. I'm sorry that they fall asleep in class, don't show up on time (or at all) and don't finish their homework. I apologize for those among us who don't appreciate classic literature, who don't enjoy writing ten page reports discussing said literature - and I ESPECIALLY apologize for those of us who complain about the poor grades we earned.

Really, though - are you surprised?

You have entered a field that requires you to deal with students from all walks of life. If you're in the United States you also have to deal with a Federal Government that cares more about foreign oil than they do about our system of education. But you knew that going in.

Take responsibility, teachers.

You entered the teaching field knowing your life would be an uphill battle from the moment you walked through the doors of the school in which you currently slave away. You knew you'd teach for the lowest common denominator in a school that is probably underfunded, understaffed and overstuffed. You became a teacher knowing you'd be suffering through hell until your retirement. And ya know what...?

You did it anyway.

You did it because at one time you were an idealist. You had a fire in your heart, a passion - you felt you could change the system. You yearned for the burning feeling deep in your soul - the feeling one has when they are able to help just one person succeed.

Where is this yearning now?

I encourage you to find it again. Find the passion, the desire you once had. Rekindle what was once the intense inferno of your love for improving young people's lives through education. Rediscover the thing that made you want to teach and nurture it. Nurture it through the brutal battery of your student's arrogance, disdain for education, apparent inability to focus. Nurture it through the assault of the stupidity that permeates the fabric of our society.

While you may not touch the lives of an entire classroom you will touch one person in whom you find an intelligence and willingness to learn that is so bright it makes your job and its associated struggles worthwhile.

To you is given the sole possibility of achieving the greatest of all satisfaction by giving the greatest of all gifts. While you will struggle and fight with a society that cares little for its educators - so little, in fact, that it often considers you mere babysitters - and while you will do battle with a government more concerned with war than educating its populace it can all be made worthwhile in the end.

Please - find the light within yourselves that you might pass that light on to another. While these passionate flames do not spread easily, when they do reach another they burn white-hot and light everything around them.

A Reason to Push On

I am a student, doing a second undergrad degree. I am 24 years old, and I am newly married, stuck in classes with a lot of children, whose behavior is way worse the second time around.

I'm not the best student, I've had bad grades, and I did not care about plenty of classes. As unhappy as I was trying to get my first degree (one I didn't really want), the people that made all the difference were my professors. The first observation that I made back in my freshman year was that they were human beings. Some of them were interested in things I was doing, others were interested in sharing their research, and some of them were people of exceptional tact and patience.

If you have any words of wisdom to future teachers, keep posting those on RYS. I need to know how to develop self-control like you have. I don't understand how come more of you don't snap, yelling "how do you dumbasses manage to breathe?" while ripping paper after paper.

I've never had the nerve to approach a professor whose class I've neglected to ask for a compromise. I have a couple F's under my belt, all well deserved, and well respected. I hope to be able to write an email in a few years with my happy old PhD, and rate my students, too.

If there was ever proof that there are redeeming individuals in Academia, this blog is very much it.

When Students Evaluate a Course, Are They Just Evaluating Themselves?

Who are you, and how did I fail you? A week ago I got my student evaluations. Your scores stood out like a sore thumb. In a sea of goods and excellents, you were the "major improvement needed." I wondered then, after a semester of lecturing to smiling students - granted some were smiling in their sleep - who you were, and if you'd ever acted like you weren't enjoying my class.

I know you never said anything about these grievances. Nothing out of the ordinary showed up in the midterm evaluations, or on the anonymous message board, or in an email or office hours or a conversation. Yet, it showed up today in the written portions of the evaluations. After reading student after student who said that this was a great class or commented on how much they learned or on how great I am as a teacher, there was you. When asked, "Would you recommend this class to a friend or roommate looking for an elective?" You replied, "Yes, if they don't really care about teaching quality."

I immediately beat myself up. I focused on you, the one out of forty who had nothing nice to say, the one out of a class of students who found my class worthless. I wondered how I'd failed you. Only now, as I write this, venting as I often do here, do I realize the answer. It's right in front of my eyes. When asked, "What were your expectations about the course, and were the fulfilled?" You said, "A blow off class, sort of."

I am sorry that I don't offer a blow off class and that those who do blow off the class get a lot less out of it. I actually care about the readings that I assign. I actually want you to do the work. I actually test you on the material, from both lectures and readings. I want you to be in class every day. When you're not there, and when you don't read, and when you don't participate - in other words, when you blow off the class - you're blowing off a fundamental part of education.

It's not all about what I can give you. The quality of the student is a huge part of the quality of the teacher, and I believe that if you think that I'm a crappy teacher it's because you were a crappy student. I made an effort, an effort to design an interesting course, to integrate exciting activities and illustrations, and to be there every day, to facilitate learning in and out of the classroom, and to listen to each of my students. Since you didn't make an effort to engage me, it shouldn't surprise me that I didn't engage you.

Commiseration Leads Off Saturday's Menu

I teach art at a secondary school and experience many of the same problems others write about on RYS. I have, for years, thought that maybe I was wrong to not pursue a career as a professor (a stint as a TA and the reality of adjunct pay was enough to scare me off to the public school system). I take comfort in the fact that the same bullshit I deal with now goes on in universities all over the country, and that professors are equally as embittered and disillusioned as I am.

I too have students who, although seem bright enough, forget the full meaning of the word “plagiarism.” I too have students who forget that it is not acceptable for them to listen to iPods, text message their friends, and sleep during class. The best part is that they actually think they’re being sly about it, and are shocked when I “catch” them. They forget that the LED lights on their electronic devices illuminate their sweet little faces when the lights are off and we are watching a video. They forget the hours that tutoring is available. They forget their assignment, and complain when points are deducted for late work.They forget that I am only 26, have excellent hearing, and know when they’re calling me a bitch under their breath. They forget that my job is to facilitate their learning, not to do the assignment for them. They forget that my class does in fact require work (what?! In ART?!?!). They forget that I am not their friend, not interested in “hooking up” after they graduate, not breathlessly awaiting the latest chapter in their life story. But, they NEVER forget when I make a mistake. Although I am expected to have the patience and forgiveness of Christ, I am not allowed to make mistakes. Ever.

The saddest thing about all of this, though, is that the parents are worse than the students. At my “State Recognized” school district, the administration trembles and wets themselves like a bad puppy every time an angry parent calls. How dare I subject precious Lu-Lu Bell to the same requirements as all the other students? She’s Special. She Deserves to be excused. She has Needs.

So, if you’re wondering why your college classes are full of lousy students who can’t think for themselves, manage time or money, take responsibility for anything, or have an original thought, you can thank dear old mom and dad. They’re the ones that told Junior he could be anything he wanted to be when he grew up, and made excuses for him when he failed. They're the ones that told him it was okay to skip homework and run football plays until midnight. They’re the ones footing the bill for him to join the fraternity and drink away his allowance (and liver). They’re the ones who will allow him to move back in when he’s put on academic probation and goes back to community college for a half semester before deciding that college is overrated.

Something About This Time of Year Makes the Poetry (And the Sangria) Flow.

A Professor's Sigh

I’m trying to imagine how it went:
You right-clicked. Copied. Pasted. Fixed the font.
While conscious, right? You’d not been hypnotized?
You weren’t held hostage? Threatened with your life?
And then, you. . .what? Forgot to cite your source?
You meant to cite your source but put it off?
And when you tried—you really tried—to cite
Your Googled source you couldn’t figure out
Which source it was? That strikes me as odd.
I Googled just one phrase, and there it was.
Your source. But here’s the part that baffles me.
Quotation marks? You do know what they are,
I assume. Do they not use them where you’re from?

Or were you hoping that I wouldn’t see
What you had done? Or that I wouldn’t care?
Dishonest? Sneaky? Mean? Just sloppy? Dumb?
Or all of the above? Or wait—I know—
It really is my fault. You didn’t learn
And thus I didn’t teach. Just goes to show
How wrong so many folks can be. I’ve earned
The rank of full professor. My class evals
Are almost always good. I’ve won awards.
Ha ha! Stupendously, I’ve fooled them all.
I’d like to leave you with a few more words.
The ones I’m thinking of are all obscene.
Instead, I’ll simply finish with a sigh.
This mattered and you didn’t get it. Why?

Whingey Approaches the Record For Most Incredulous Readers. And We Love Him For It.

More often than not, when we post something that comes from an angry student, nobody believes it's a real post. Whingey's missive from yesterday certainly proved that theory to be true. Our mail skewed heavily to the "you must have made that shit up." But it's all real. And once again we decided not to edit it for grammar, not because we're meanies, but because we thought that presentation was part of what attracted us to the note in the first place. We often edit student work that comes in if it's got a handful of inconsequential errors in it that might deflect a reader. But Whingey's own style was part of what we loved.

A few of you believed it to be true, and we've cobbled together the comments below:

• If I read your post correctly, your course consists of a two "short answer exams," a short essay, a medium essay, and the choice between another short essay or a final exam. Are you kidding me?! That's it?! THAT is what you are bitching about? As for your complaining that the 3000 word essay is due on a Monday instead of a Friday, here is why: if your professor assigned the paper to be due on a Friday, you would be complaining about not having the weekend to work on it, and how it should be due on a Monday instead.
• I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for "Whingey." However, I can't help but feel a little responsible for it. I, as do many students I know, complain about a couple of things that Whingey has mentioned in his/her post. I don't like having a test two weeks before a final, and goodness knows I'm disappointed when I come to class expecting a lecture and the video bin is broken out. My friends and I bitch among ourselves about these things from time to time. There is a big difference between complaining to friends about a temporary frustration and a steamy wad of publicly self-righteous contempt. I mean really, Whingey, it must have taken a monumental effort to come up with all that, if you have such a problem with a 1,500 word essay. I offer my deepest apologies, and a pledge to be a little more careful, to all the professors who have ever experienced a Whingey of their own.
• That you find an 11-week course with a two-hour lecture and tutorial each week insufficient time to "engage" yourself in discussion about the topic at hand is pretty ridiculous. Perhaps it's a problem because you don't listen? Quit whining and get to work. I hate to say it, but you're exactly the type of student the professors who post here hate. You have obviously not taken the time to think about your course. More than that, you want to be spoon fed knowledge on your own terms. If you don't mind telling me where you go to school and who your professor is, I'd like to send him or her flowers and a card as a sympathy gift.
• Yesterday's "Whinge" post is beautiful. No, not for its rash sentiments, but for the delightful display of inattention and sloppiness with regard to spelling, punctuation, and grammar that reveal that this student's lack of intellectual development may have more to do with his/her general attitude and less with the quality of one (likely underpaid) lecturer. My own attention to these nitty-gritties is often criticized harshly by my students. "This isn't an English class," they cry. "But my computer has a spell-checker," they protest. As if reading and writing in their native language is an unfair and extravagant burden. But their consistent refusal to proofread their own work or accept feedback tells me plenty about their attitude toward learning and constructive criticism. Whingey complains that the lecturer doesn't put enough time and effort into course construction (especially during "movie" days. The horror!), but s/he can't be bothered to capitalize "i" or insert terminal punctuation here and there. It seems by this student's missive that no instructor who requires written analyses or exams to measure learning will pass muster. "What? You want me to learn *and* show you what I've learned? You've already stolen my weekend--what more do you want?" Ironically, this student wants the lecturer to tell the students what she thinks about the movie/lesson/text but finds it unacceptable that the students should be asked to develop their own thoughts on the subject. Expecting students to think and write with some average degree of critical thinking, creativity, and accuracy may make me a jerk. Go ahead -- write about my unreasonable grading and writing standards on the instructor evaluations. Better yet, make sure you write as incoherently as usual, so my supervisors and I can enjoy the irony. I'll just be here with my red pen.

A Day In The Life

First period, 14 giggling girls and 2 gaggling boys are in for yearbook. They treat the time as paint by number on their faces, hairstyling 101, and gossip central...occasionally doing last night's homework.

Second period 8th graders consist of 4 slackers who do absolutely nothing but show up and shoot paper wads or sleep, 6 who trash projects together, 10 who give a decent effort and never complain, and two highly motivated students. They are a likeable group though and so are the two 7th grade groups following them in periods 3 and 4 before lunch.

Lunch and plan over, I start the dread afternoon...

In my 5th period 8th grade art class, the Skateboarder destroy anything they can get their hands on including hot gluing seats on chairs. They overshadow the rest of the students in this class who give a decent effort on anything, but only one gothic girl truly shines with originality.

Next in 6th period, a group of 7th grade students who spend most of the day together in another room trade barbs and talk in suggestive sexual phrases. One boy squeezes white paint into the waste basket, groaning and sighing for attention. A girl who reminds me of a young Anna Nicole Smith who is overweight, but pretty, flaunts herself at the boys by putting on the radio, against my orders not to, and gyrating to the music. They are loud, childish and their artwork is at an elementary concept level.

Almost to the end of the day, the 7th period, 7th grade class comes in like a herd of buffalos. 4 boys unite no matter where I put them on the seating chart and roam the room most of the period. Their common link is sports. A fifth boy comes back from out of school suspensions and joins in with them...he has to be watched as he likes to grab both girls and boys by their "tits."

Finally, one class of 7th graders in 8th period finish the day and are the most normal of classes. They are at gifted levels in their core subjects so they are teacher pleasers. Becomes a downtime before leaving for the day.

My principal is leaving so he takes his final revenge out on the staff. He calls us "Indians" who are not liking to take orders from the administrators, our "chiefs" (what a worn out comparison). He told us that he was taking over discipline earlier in the year, so he talked with the students and cut back on any form of punishment for behavior. The kids vocalize that the principal will do nothing to them. He says we need to handle more student behavior and not rely on the office to back us up on discipline. He wants us to mentor the students and present a positive image in our behavior and manner of dress. He has a couple of teachers do an inservice where we are told if they call us "whores" for example, we are to say "and that is exactly why I am in a rotten mood today," laugh it off and go on.

He says we need to stop going to the teacher's lounge for lunch as it breeds negative thoughts by our common sharing of problems in our classrooms...one teacher protests if she can't vent there, she will take it out on the kids. He finishes by saying he has a passion for teaching and that had it not been for a teacher as he grew up, he would have been in jail and he is close to tears. We leave with tails dragging wondering why we are the wretched teachers that we are to not live up to his holiness.

I have one year to retirement, and I am planning to make it my best year of teaching. I am actually reading those old dusty Neil Cantor books on assertive discipline one more time. I'm searching for new ideas and materials. The school is finally giving me a classroom with a sink. l finally not have to have the kids carry buckets of water to the room, and will have a restroom, drinking fountain and a phone. Rewards come to those who wait...29 yrs.

I was turned down 6 times for a sink, as they preferred to spend the money on new desks for the part-time administrator in charge of purchasing and a truck for the maintenance department as theirs had too many miles from riding around town. I should just count my lucky stars that my program was not dropped, as it is usually the first to go. Forget that I pour my life into teaching and that most of my students do love my course and become more visually creative.

Is it me or are kids more disrespectful, apathetic, lazy and foul-mouthed? Will they be capable of holding down jobs or will we one day put them on welfare for being unemployable?

I know this is all sour grapes to the reader, but I pose a question to all who read this...what hope do you hold for the future of education and where should the changes be made? I am sincerely in search of answers even in my last days of teaching.

I Just Had a Whinge, And I Feel Better Already.

A somewhat bitter reader am i, heres my opinion on something.

Why is it that lecturers feel they know the best way to engage with course material. Heres a hint: You Dont.

When you have an 11 week semester with 1 study break, there is no amount of assessment that is going to make a student even want to remember what you taught during the semester.

When you give your class 11 weeks worth of teaching, a 2 hour lecture each week and a tutorial jam packed with previous reading required, you are not going to get a student to critically engage with the information, because we have no time to do so. The thought of even thinking about what they hell your learning gets shoved out of the way with the stress of knowing you have 3 essays due just for that one measily unit, which for the majority of your students is an elective.

In terms of assessment dear lecturer you have made sure in those 11 weeks, you've given us 3 essays, one which is 1000 words, one which is 3000 and then a 1500 word essay as a choice between either doing that or sitting an over rated exam. On top of that you have 2 short answer exams, one during week 6 and one in week 12.

But wait, you say that isnt to bad? Timing is everything dear lecturer. The 3000 word essay is due in week 9 on a Monday why is it because you dont want people handing it in on a friday and actually allowing people a bit more time, or because you want your weekend? Your unit has no bearing on the world, id rather right about US Hegemony due the same week than worry about an event or theme that happened in Asia and what it represented in Australian Values. We certainly dont get our weekends and especially not from your unit. Furthermore, you have a short exam test in week 11? But we have a final exam 2 weeks after that! Whats the point? is it just to make sure that we study early?

You whinge and moan during the tutorials that none of us talk and engage and even rock up, well theres a probable reason for that. Could it maybe be because people are to busy trying to get assessment in? No wonder the quality of discussion has taken a dive on the weeks when assessment is due.

And what is it with the movies? Lets just slap on media and i can get paid for the hour while i sit on my backside and then ask your opinion. Funny weve never heard what you think. And throwing people out of tutorials isnt the best way to go about it either. Is there an element of xenophobia in you that you aim to teach out of everyone else?

And finally, when i do come up and talk to you about it, giving you feedback for the future, not for my own benefit, dont tell me im having a whinge. I gave it to you constructively, articulately and backed up every point i made with evidence of the shitness of your unit. Isnt that what your trying to teach us to write and think like.

Oh and one final thing, when i do come along and have a "whinge" dont have a go at me in class by stating that you have had other students come along and you have no idea why they feel like the unit is overassessed and long. And dont do it by snickering in my direction. Its bad form my dear lecturer.

I gaurantee you Ms lecturer, i'll be one of those "stupid" people that write 4 pages worth of comments on your student assessment forms. Bare in mind i have never bothered to write one before. Thanks alot for the semester, a unit that no one will ever remember because you tried to force them too

We Do Hear You. And We're Glad To Know You're Out There.

Dear disgruntled, disillusioned and dismayed professors,

Some of us students really do appreciate you, you know, but we just don't know how to express it. Some of us work 20 hours a week between a full course load, research, and attempting to have some kind of social life, and take out the maximum amount for student loans every year, just so we can pay tuition at this college that's saving our lives by letting us learn. Some of us stay up all night making sure the assignments are good enough for you to see and the readings are understood well enough that we can ask questions as well as answer them... and some of us still show up in lecture at 9 am after that long night of homework and real work, even though you probably wouldn't notice if we weren't there among the other 80 barely-conscious bodies.

Some of us even have developed very strange techniques for staying awake, even though our bodies hate us for it, because we wouldn't want to offend you by dozing off. Some of us kill ourselves over papers for weeks beforehand, and we wish you'd write us more than a grade. Some of us would love to do nothing more than come to office hours every week, but your office hours are during work hours or during that other class we have, and sometimes email just isn't enough. We're sorry.

Some of us love this college thing enough to put up with our friends calling us brown-noser, a perfectionist, a teacher's pet. Some of us hold back our teasing friend's hair at night as they vomit drunkenly into communal toilets, then help them clean up and put them to bed--and go back to our studying, so we don't let you down. Some of us would die to help with your research. For free.

We'll be data monkeys, xerox bitches. Whatever. And some of us would love to grow up just like you, and we apologize for our classmates, and want to know if there's anything else we can do to help. And we're so grateful when you really believe us when our grandma does die suddenly, and we have to fly home in the middle of the night for real, and just cannot get that paper to you like we were supposed to, and you grant us an indefinite extension which we'd never dream of abusing, and consequently we don't have to stress more than we should. Really.

Thank you,

That freshman up front

I Admit It. I Like the Kool-Aid.

I am just finishing up my second year on the faculty and I'm still enthusiastic about my students.

Whenever a colleague complains that good student evaluations reflect an easy course and a pandering teacher, I always think: that colleague is a poor teacher who gets bad evaluations. Students know whether they've learned new skills, become better writers, and achieved something they are justifiably proud of in our classes or not. Pandering won't work if your course is a train wreck. One prof in our department literally hands out candy and still gets terrible evaluations. My "easiness" rating on that other site is among the lowest in our entire department, hovering slightly above 2, but I've also got a yellow smiley. The most frequent comments on my evaluations are: tests are very hard (grading is too harsh, homeworks are too difficult) AND this is the best teacher I've ever had. I've gotten a handful of negative evaluations, but most are very positive.

Anyway, since I'm writing to Rate Your Students, I think the majority are doing mostly the right things. I just wish they weren't so grade-obsessed! I got the "If I get an x on the final exam will I get a Y in the course?" question way too many times this year. If I could wave a magic wand, I'd make students ignore grades and start focusing on their inputs rather than their outcomes.

The Summer Break Looms At the RYS Compound - Chaos Reigns

Summer is here for us, and as we did last year, we'll be powering down the large humming machines between June 1 and September 1. We have a large backlog of material and we will be posting updates to the site at least once a week between now and the fall semester.

We don't make a dime on the site, and truly the workload has overwhelmed us. The idea that we've had 1 million hits since January just makes us all a little queasy. Who on earth is reading RYS?

In recent days we've tried to figure out what to do with the site. While it's always fun, there is so much mail to read that we're barely able to do the piss-poor job we're so well known for. If you have ideas or suggestions, as always, just send them along.

Also, please forgive us if we don't reply quickly enough or cleverly enough to your notes. There was a time when we actually replied in some way to everything we saw, but that is simply not possible anymore. We feel horrible about it, because as the RYS community has grown, we feel as though we've lost some of the intimacy that was possible in those early post-regime-change days.

We recently got a note from this forum's founder, and he was stunned at our reports about our traffic. "Holy shit" was the exact quote.

We want you to know that we're doing what we can to continue letting the voices ring out. We remain determined to say something about the modern classroom, and we appreciate your role in the enterprise.

We hope you're like us, able to be free from the career for at least part of the summer. We are playing tennis every day now, and drinking mojitos like nobody's business. We're smoking cigars, reading trashy books, pushing a stroller, carrying on past dark, and winging off to vacations in exotic locales (Havre, Montana & Milwaukee, Wisconsin & Panama City, Florida). But we'll be thinking of you.

There will be smackdown as usual until the end of the month, though, and we're got some excellent spankings on the way.

We're Always Happy When Someone Makes It Over the Wall

Wow, you honestly surprised me. That first day, when you raised your hand and asked “Can we cancel class every Friday?” I figured I knew your type. When you sat in the back row with your feet on the desk and your hair covering your barely open eyes, I had you pegged. And when you failed your first paper, I was pretty darn sure I knew how the rest of the semester would go.

But then you raised your hand and made a comment about the reading. I don’t know which surprised me more–that you made an intelligent point or that you had done the reading. And I noticed it surprised you as well.

I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I spent an hour goggling every sentence in your second paper, because I couldn’t believe the change. But when I compared it to your in-class writing, I realized that this was your work. This was you...giving a damn. And when I handed the paper back with a B, you were as stunned as I was. I realized you wrote that paper with no idea of how good it was; you just wrote it because you actually had something to say about the book.

After that, you took your feet off the desk. You went to the Writing Center for grammar help. You engaged with other students during class. Oh, you were still the surfer dude who would say things like “this writer is totally wack,” but that’s okay. Because after the last class you hung around for a half hour to tell me how much you’d changed since first semester. Apparently, your friends stopped calling you “Jack Daniels” and you passed all your classes.

I don’t know what clicked for you. Was it the readings? The particular mix of students? Me? I’d like to think I had something to do with it. But even if I didn’t, I wanted to thank you. I’ve had excellent students, and I’ve had horrible, slacker students. But until you, I’ve never had one cross from the latter camp to the former. Now, the next time a student puts his feet on the desk and falls asleep in the first week, I’ll have a tiny shred of hope that things can change.

Thanks for Coming to Family Day!

Dear Parent,

This is just a note to follow up on several matters we discussed when you and your child came to meet me three weeks ago. First of all, let me thank you for taking such a strong and positive role in your child's education. Your decision to fly all the way out here on such short notice, just to bring your child to my office hours and berate me for being such an unfair professor, testifies not only to your inordinate judgment, but substantial skill as a parent. Rarely have I ever been so moved to do things I would otherwise experience as repugnant - in this case changing a student's failing grade - by being told what an awful teacher I am for not being more clear about the class requirements.

You are right, I was blissfully unaware that a failing grade in my course would jeopardize your daughter's scholarship. Her failing my class would make it very hard indeed for her to continue not attending classes like mine and disregard the extra credit option that might have otherwise have saved her grade. It is true, I did write it on the syllabus, and I did mention it several times in class. But as you inform me, your child disappeared from the last two weeks of classes for very good, however unstated reasons. You are also right that I have absolutely no right whatsoever to make attendance a requirement. And I had never, in my wildest dreams, even considered that such a requirement might constitute an impingement on students' civil liberties.

In addition, you made it quite clear to me that there was no way your child could have gotten the notes, found out from a classmate, or even contacted me to find out about the extra credit option. For this, I apologize, as I have fallen into the habit of assuming most twenty-year-olds are not only willing but capable of such things. In this regard, the way your child sat silently in my office, eyes towards the floor, while you proceeded to scold me, tells me all I need to know.

But with regard to the grade change that I reluctantly agreed to submit, I have to give at least some of the credit to the department chair and dean you visited immediately after you came to see me. They, too, took issue with my teaching, albeit not for its unfairness, but for its lack of professionalism. They were particularly concerned by my initial reluctance to "make this go away" by assigning the extra credit paper now, a week after grades have been submitted, and grading it before the end of the next semester. My reluctance, you see, apparently made me the opposite of what they refer to as a "team player." It was at that moment I realized you were right. I thought of the fact that I am recently married, just moved into a new town, the sole breadwinner for my family, and weighed it against my so-called principles.

So you're right, and I was wrong, and we made the deal that your child would do the extra credit assignment within the week and I would grade it, and that, barring some unforeseen circumstance, this would raise your child's grade to passing.

It is thus with great pain that I inform you that it has been three weeks since our meeting and that I still do not have the assignment. As my attempts to contact your child have failed, I was wondering if you might be of some assistance in this regard. If nothing else, perhaps you could tell me what to tell my colleagues - I mean bosses - in the administration when they wonder what is taking me so long to fill out the grade change form.

Thanking you in advance I remain,
Your Humble Servant

"The Pepsodent Smile Is No Longer Good Enough"

I had a student write on her course evaluation that I needed to have my teeth whitened. The same student had made similar snide comments about a fellow female faculty member (that faculty member's "shortcomings" had to do with fashion faux pas).

For the record, my teeth are mine and they are fine. I don't have the pearly whites of a TV new anchor but I'm not paid like one, either. Presumably, this student is has a sizable allowance for her own beauty regimen.

Some Replies to The Question of Collegiality - And An Unexpected but Welcome Shout-Out To The Kool-Aid Man

• Concerning the choice to speak, or not to speak, about students' misdemeanors, there's only a limited amount of interaction you can have with colleagues. Sure, you can have the odd throwaway comment like "Why can't students turn up to classes?" or "Why can't they read the information that was sent to them?" You can even swap the odd story. "You'll never guess what this student did:..." But at heart, we love teaching and we care about our students. If we are continually grousing about students, or go on extended rants in front of our colleagues, then we'd come over as Prof Crankypants who hates students. Nobody likes working with a bitter twisted cynical colleague who seems to be more interested in complaining than caring about teaching students.


• I was blasted repeatedly for poor "collegial relations with colleagues" by my department's Kool-Aid-dosed deadwood who did their damnedest to deny me tenure. They were right in that I was not good at concealing my contempt for their classes taught at 4th-grade level. I used to feel alone, and that the inmates had come to be running the asylum, when spectacularly stupid stuff would happen, such as when my department head went through my student evaluations one by one, and yelled at me for every bad one, while ignoring the good ones. I felt this way despite always having junior colleagues I respected with whom I could speak freely. I was still granted tenure, mainly for my ability to involve students in research, and to bring in funding. [But] junior faculty probably should -not- learn from my example that it's OK to be openly contemptuous of anyone, even if they are clearly incompetent. There may be less hazardous, more effective ways to handle these people than honest, direct, face-to-face confrontation.


• I do my best to ignore the Pollyannas of the department. I hang with the cynics and hard asses, and we speak freely. If I couldn't, I wouldn't stay here.


• I absolutely keep my mouth shut. The first time I complained about my students at this very small and provincial college, I was scolded quite harshly by the grand dame of the department. "Perhaps it's not their fault," she said. "Perhaps if one were a little more bright in presenting the information, your students would respond as enthusiastically as my own." Or some shit like that. All of my department colleagues have drunk the Kool-Aid, and I vent to my partner, to my dog, and to RYS! (Oh, and the poor Kool-Aid, guy, right? A nice happy memory of childhood is invariably linked with psychos and sociopaths. Hey, Kool-Aid. Stay strong.)

Someone Goes Old School With the Smackdown

R: I teach, not indoctrinate. Yes, it really is OK to express your political opinion in this class. I promise I won’t ridicule you before your classmates or dock your grade if I disagree. Given your extreme nervousness when you approached me concerning this issue, I have a feeling that one of my colleagues once did so, and I apologize on behalf of the profession. As long as your opinion is well-expressed and based on careful thought and research instead of blank ideology, you may say anything you want. Really.

H: The next time you give a formal presentation and kick off your flip-flops on the way to the front of the room, perhaps you shouldn't come to me two days later demanding why your effort grade wasn’t higher. Also, I have no problem with you bringing your well-behaved child to a class because the daycare fell through, but I must admit that I wonder about your parenting skills when I lean down to warn you that we will be watching a couple scenes from an R-rated movie that contains adult language and you say, “Oh, we’ll just stay here. She’s used to it.” I suggest you reserve her “Girls Gone Wild” consent form in advance. Oh, and her suite at rehab. Maybe you can get a window room.

Z: When I put on the syllabus that I don't accept emailed assignments, it wasn't just because there was a blank space at the end of the page and I thought some additional typing might look nice there.

A: You’re hot. You also know it. But I know that hotness goes no further than your carefully tousled hair. Here’s a tip: Someday you are going to be wrinkled and saggy, and no amount of winking, wide smiles, and “Oh, c’mon’s” is going to get you through life. It certainly isn’t going to get you an A in this class.

P: Kindly stop dressing like a Hilton sister. You’re getting in the way of my raise.

A Longtime Reader Offers Up His Choice for "Most Pithy, Representative, and Definitive Student Email of the Year."

"When is are exam?"

And How Often Does Spamalot Come To Town Anyway?

Dear B,

You want to know why I didn't immediately email you after you stood me up when I'd driven an hour out of my way to collect your paper? Indeed, what could I possibly have better to do, after battling through rush hour traffic and waiting fifteen minutes for you, than go home and wait for your explanatory, hysterical email? You're "worried" about this? You're under pressure? Let me explain. I was rushing through dinner in two bites because accommodating you in my schedule put me behind, and then I was enjoying an evening at the theatre.

That's right, I had actual things to do other than call you or write you back to reassure you that everything was fine despite the fact that handing in the paper for which you were reluctantly given an incomplete was apparently such a low priority for you that you couldn't bother to show up within fifteen minutes of our appointment time. You want me to understand that you are a good student and a good person? Try not shafting the instructor who gave you a second chance that you didn't really deserve in the first place.

Oh, and if this should mean you no longer want to take the follow-up to this class with me? I'll live with it, really. I promise.

"May Your Perfidy Ramify Through Your Life." If We Only Had a Dime For Every Time We Said That.

Dear Students:

The collective attitude you have shown toward reading and writing during the past semester is neither new nor surprising. You are not well-suited to do either. To your credit, you hate ignorance, as I do. To your discredit, you really only hate being shown that you are ignorant, through encountering words and ideas that are foreign to you and your immediate experience. Rather than look them up and learn about them, as is moronically simple these days, you disdain them, and then complain that you do not understand them. This complaint is disingenuous because you show no interest in having them explained.

Rather, you want to be relieved of responsibility for knowing them, and for reading the works that contain them. In short, you do not want to be educated, or even to go through the motions of education. What you want is a degree, and if there existed a system of academic indulgences, you would gladly fork over four years tuition to receive one without having to waste time going to classes. For a little extra, you could get someone like me to drop by and, for about a half-hour, confirm your base prejudices, the ones you've gotten from television and the movies and video games and life in general. You have written about these prejudices incessantly: why brute force is an answer for everything, why the whole world, with its little invisible workers everywhere, has come together for your material and personal happiness, why you live in the greatest country in the history of the world, led by its greatest leader, why your ethnic group has undergone suffering that leaves you preeminent over us, who are all racists... I will not go on.

I have read your stories about anime characters, complete with super-deformed doodles, your tales of extraterrestrials and werewolves and vampires. It is interesting that your eyes turn to the supernatural world so often, since you have such an impoverished notion of this one.

Randall Jarrell, in Pictures From An Institution, a book you'll never read, anticipated a world in which people could do without culture. He likened it to a kingdom, where the king and queen have always observed the rituals of piety. Then, a man - an advertising man - tells them that they need do no such thing. They are surprised, but, newly liberated, they go to Mass - real fast - and then have a swift one at the club afterwards. You are just as enlightened as they are; your only problem is that the term does not pass swiftly enough to suit you.

From your perspective, ignorance is not a curse, and so I cannot curse you with ignorance. Nonetheless, I curse you. May your mergers not merge and may your acquisitions not be acquired. May your perfidy ramify through your life, so that all your dealings are as twisted as you are. May your lack of concentration result in an accident that kills you. May your illiteracy prevent you from reading some crucial document. And may you be transferred to Europe, where your lack of foreign languages renders you deaf and mute, and where your lack of culture will be seen for what it is - barbarism.

Oh, and don't worry about the evaluations. What you have to say is irrelevant.

A Longtime Reader Has Some Questions

As always, send your comments and replies right to the RYS compound.

It seems that virtually everyone here is willing to write (at least anonymously) about the way things really are in higher education. I wonder: how does your realism affect your relationships with colleagues? So many people preface their contributions here by saying that RYS has let them know that they're not alone. How alone do most readers feel?

Do you keep to yourself the kinds of problems people write about here? Are you able to speak freely with a small number of like-minded colleagues? And what of your relationships with those who have drunk the Kool-Aid? How do you get along with, say, the guy or gal whose great evaluations are due to dispensing candy, requiring little work, and letting the class out early? How do you get along with colleagues who enable the sort of student behavior and expectations that drive you crazy?

How Do I Loathe Thee. Let Me Count ... Er ... Enumerate The Ways.

Yes, I do have favorites, and no, you're not one of them. This is why:

1. You ask bad questions. You ask questions designed to make you look smart, not to advance your understanding. You ask questions that have nothing to do with the subject at hand, simply to let other students know that you've already mastered these petty concepts, and are ready for something more challenging. You use big words that you learned just this morning because you think it projects intelligence. It doesn't. It makes you look like a pretentious jack-ass. I'm not smiling because I think you're smart; I'm smiling because you just used that word wrong.


2. You are lazy. You ask me things that you could find by reading the syllabus. You turn in assignments with spelling errors. You leave out those segments of the project that are designed to make my life easier. You do this because you survey the world with lazy arrogance, and assume that the 3 minutes it would take you to format the project correctly are more valuable than the extra hour it takes me to grade 60 projects that ignore the formatting. You email me to ask for special treatment to accommodate your uniquely difficult circumstances, which look amazingly similar to the difficult circumstances of every other first year university student.


3. Your knowledge is bounded by your bigotry. I get it. You're indie. You hate everything that reeks of formalism and conformity. You like bands with names like “The Decemberists” and “A3”, but you will immediately stop liking them as soon as you hear that I know they exist. Every time I give you an assignment like writing 4 part choral harmony, or programming a hip-hop drum part, you have to protect your indie cred by informing the entire class that this type of music sucks, and that you don't need to learn how to do this because your own unique artistic voice will always only consist of poorly played guitar riffs layered 50 times and washed out in reverb. Two things: first, the fact that you think Coltrane sucks does not, in fact, make Coltrane suck. It makes you a narcissist with a myopic range of cultural influences, which is basically the exact opposite of people I like. The second thing is this. Your parents are spending $30,000 a year to send you to this school, where you chose to study music in a formalized setting, from people who make their living in this industry, and where a significant portion of your education will come from imitating the artistic masters who came before you. I don't know what indie cred is, but I'm pretty sure that you lost all of it when you chose this path. Wanna be indie? Drop out, move to Silverlake, rent a room from a cross-dressing coffee shop owner, work at an organic grocery co-op in NoHo for minimum wage, and practice your instrument 9 hours a day. If you want to be the thing, be the thing, don't just wear the clothes.


4. You only care about your grade in the last two weeks of the class. Here's the thing. If you don't care about grades, and just want to drift in and out of class to absorb the knowledge when it suits your whim, I can respect that. I honestly don't mind it. But if that's your mode, don't come to me two weeks before the final and ask what you can do to raise your grade up from an “F” to a “B”, so that you won't lose your scholarship. The answer is nothing. There's nothing you can do. I'm not going to grade 15 projects that you turn in on the last day of the semester for late credit, and there aren't enough points in the final to move your grade that much. If getting an “F” in my class means you lose your scholarship, there's a damn good chance that you shouldn't be here on scholarship.


5. You assume that your approval is important to me. It isn't. I don't need your approval, or encouragement, I don't need to be hip in your eyes, I don't live or die by how you rank me on www.ratemyprofessor.com. I couldn't care less what you think of me: I have friends for that. When your response to my policies, assignments, teaching method, whatever, is “that's so uncool”, I silently laugh inside at the idea that you think I might care. I'm 31. I teach at a University. I'm a dad. I listen to Jazz. I've played keyboards on songs for Radio Disney. I'm the opposite of cool. And guess what? I'm at peace with it. My job isn't to make you like me. In fact, sometimes my job goes better when you don't like me.

Please, be assured that none of this will affect how I teach you. I'm quite adept at swallowing my own bile and doing unpleasant tasks. I also realize that sometimes, my least favorite students end up maturing nicely, and actually become decent human beings. Here's to hope.

Until then, please stop IM'ing me at 2:30 in the morning to ask when the next project is due. It's due tomorrow. And no, you can't turn it in late.

Forgive Us. One More Quick Fan Letter. We've Been Deluged Lately, And Just Want Everyone to Know How Truly Truly Loved We Are. Smackdown Returns Soon.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

First and foremost, it provides me a glorious respite from the constant consumer-kiddie-culture mentality of modern yuppie-parents (and departmental deadwood) where, as a "good" young professor, I have to pretend that each one of my students is a precious little blossom waiting to burst into flower. Instead at RYS, we get to be very real and say, out loud, that some of our students are dolts. Some are assholes. Some are liars. And we get to vent without *ever* hurting a student's reputation the way that Rate My Professors or MySpace or any of the knock-offs do to profs. As a professor, or a teacher at any level, you generally understand that students will never really get, let alone appreciate, what you are trying to do for them. But even though you as a prof are aware of this truth, you do get tired of the condescension about how you don't live in the "real world," especially from nineteen year-olds who have never had a job and who flippantly say "those who can't *do*, teach!" or some other knee-jerk, anti-intellectual garbage. Being able to vent the mean-ass, frustrated reaction on RYS helps me say the polite, professional, and instructive thing when I need to.

Second, professors need to be real and human sometimes. We have precious few mentors of our own. As a prof, you get tired of the two movie/fiction stereotypes of teachers: 1) the all-giving, inspirational teacher who inevitably gets the ax for taking on "the establishment" because he so loveth his little flowers (see, Dead Poet's Society, Mona Lisa Smile, etc. Sorry, parents, your kid is just not that important to me! I got a family to feed, a kid of my own to put through school! Your kid is not worth my job at the moment! Sorry!) and 2) sadistic, soul-destroying avatars of envy (Good Will Hunting, Finding Forrester---oh, man. Yeah, seriously, the reason why I criticized your work was that I am jealous of you...yesssiree...looks like ya got me on that one).

You have no idea how reassuring it was to me to stumble upon Rate Your Students during my first year of unbelievably hard teaching, when I was terrified I wasn't producing enough research, up to my eyeballs in class prep, and in despair because I felt I'd sacrificed so much to get an academic job only to be confronted by the 10 percent of my students who took up 90 percent of my time with whining, lying, cheating, manipulating, and bullying. Reading RYS, I knew I wasn't alone in deploring some students' behaviors, and that realization was a life buoy I could hold onto during my first year in the job.

So much of what people write on RYS reveals them to be whipsawed by an honest love for what they do most of the time and the stroke-inducing frustration of not being able to administer a kick in the fanny to those minority of students who so richly need it. In case you doubt my assessment of most RYS ranters and their care for students, let me just note: even when they are complaining about their students, RYS writers can describe their students and their students' behaviors in detail. They know when students are lying to them because they are *listening* to students. They *notice* what students are doing, when they are absent, and what their performance has been in the past. Teachers who don't care don't listen or notice; they aren't keeping track of what individual students do. They are watching the clock instead.

One last comment: to you students who read RYS (especially those of you who write in with the intelligent comments): most of us RYS ranters are not talking about you. Even if you don't get to class all the time, even if you haven't done all the reading, even if you make excuses sometimes, most profs know you are ok. It's the chronic screw-ups and whiners that drive us to take time away from our real work to rant on RYS, lest our heads explode. Most of us respect and enjoy working with most of you--I really think that's true--even if we don't think of you as little "gems" or "treasures." It's probably better that we don't, that we just see you as people, interesting and complex and capable of good and bad, just like we are. Most of you students are smart enough to know the difference between the kindergarten notion that you are all treasures (which has more to do with some adult's need to feel like lady bountiful than reality anyway) and the self-confidence that comes from knowing you are more than your work, more than your mistakes, more than your successes, and more than what teachers or friends or parents say you are.

"Go, Go, Go Shorty. It's Yo Birthday. We Gonna Sip Bacardi Like It's Yo Birthday"

I’m sorry that your final grade in the course is lower than you had anticipated. I agree that it doesn’t reflect the quality of your work in the class. However, it does reflect the fact that on your final paper, you copied several paragraphs from readily-available web sources. No, I can’t allow you to rewrite the paper; no, I can’t allow you to do a new paper; not only would it be inappropriate for me to make an exception to the course policies for you, my grades are due yesterday. Believe me, I am sorry that you did this. I am sorry that for the first time in your history as a student, your transcript will contain a grade lower than a B+, and I am sorry that you feel that you will never go to medical school, and I am sorry that you are learning this on your birthday. It saddens me that by doing this, you threw away an A- in the class; it saddens me that you now feel that your work over the course of the semester was wasted. While this entire situation is very sad, however, I find that the saddest part is that you still do not appear to understand why inserting someone else’s writing, verbatim, in your introduction and general discussion sections is an act of academic dishonesty. Please pull yourself together because this is getting embarrassing.

See How Pretty We Are? We Get Love Letters. Really, We Do. And Don't Think This is the Only One Either. We Have a Shoebox Full of Them.

Why I Love RYS:

It makes me laugh when I want to cry; it lets me cry along with and rant vicariously through my colleagues (wherever they may be); it helps me realize that I am not the only soul suffering through this level of Dante's Inferno or putting my shoulder into the Sisyphean task that education often becomes; it reminds me that many of our "students," after twelve years of education and possessing a piece of paper that alleges that they have achieved a certain level of competency and knowledge, don't know the first thing about being students or what higher education is about.

It gives me the opportunity to play R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It," rattle the walls of my office and occasionally get a sing-along going, particularly the week term papers arrive; and it provides me with ample evidence to explain how an idiot was elected -twice - as the leader of one of the most powerful nations in the world.

Oh yeah, and it's much cheaper and has fewer nasty side effect than the variety of pills that I was prescribed to help manage the stress and aggravation that is part of my chosen career.

Push Yourself, Seriously. Send In More Tales of Woe - Our Readers Demand New and Interesting Misery

We are always looking for new material. Email the moderators with tales of woe, tales of triumph, vicious unsent letters, and old-school smackdown for the modern student, those pajama-wearing, iPod-toting, entitled ruinations who have brought the academy to its knees.

Or just write and tell us why you love us.

Oh, and to the right, on the occasion of a finished final exam, non-graduating senior RS sends in this shot from some after-party.

Where We Advance Past Academic Haiku Into Actual Quatrains - Er - We Think These Are Quatrains - Four Lines, Right?

Some say their semester will end in flames,
Some say in a icey bumblesuck.
From what I've tasted of your essays
I hold with those who favor matches and gasoline for a bonfire of your papers.

But if I had to grade your shit twice,
I think I know enough of plagiaristic incompetence
To say that for destruction a cool D-Is also great
And would suffice.

"You're Relieved? Just Imagine How I Feel!"

I'm relieved to finally be caught up. I was gathering my final information for data and hypothesis collection and wasn't able to make it to class on time but I just finished everything here at 1:30.

Let's see, today is Monday, and there are traditionally a couple of days that precede Monday in which no classes are scheduled. Even allowing one of them for religious/family/cultural commitments, that would have left you plenty of time (a full day?) before this morning to catch up. Oh let me guess, you were busy working on this all weekend? You pulled an all-nighter?

I'm sending you this document that contains my research topic,

Due two weeks ago.

annotated bibliography

Last week.

and hypothesis and data collection plan.

Due today in class at noon.

I'll bring hard copies in on Wednesday as well if you need asap if you need.

How kind of you. Many of your classmates also brought me hard copies... well, today... in class... y'know, when the assignment was actually due? (Epilogue: He didn't come to class on Wednesday.)

Please let me know about this. Again, I thank you for your patience while I've struggled to find a good and interesting topic for me. I believe I've found something good for my study and am now completely caught up.

Would this be the same topic that was clearly chosen in such a way as to make sure that you would have to do the least amount of work possible on the assignment?

I'm hoping you'll be somewhat understanding with my grades since I had been talking to you the entire time and really have made an effort to get everything in as soon as I've been able. Again, this class and grade mean a great deal to me so I'm hoping this is not affected.

If it's so important to you, why are you never in class? In fact, aren't you the same person who, on the day an earlier assignment was due, came to class before it started, dropped off your paper in the pile, and then snuck out of the room hoping that I wouldn't see?

Please let me know if you need or want me to bring in or drop off hard copies in your office at some point. Thanks again.

*sigh* The bibliography had five entries, which I stated was the absolute minimum (and I pointed out that minimal effort would receive a minimal grade). The data collection plan and hypotheses showed absolutely no familiarity with any of the material we've covered in class. But, of course, you will rate me the lowest possible rankings on the anonymous evaluation form at the end of the quarter and then trash me on RateMyProfessors. And my chair will believe that you are an accurate barometer of my teaching ability.

Don't Come In Here With Reasonable Alternatives. This Is Where We Like to Flail Around and Scream.

I am a graduate student at Elite State University, finishing my first year working as a TA. Following my first semester, I thought I had done a fairly good job teaching the undergrads; they seemed more or less happy in discussion section, and appreciated the extensive comments I put on their assignments. Then I got the student evaluations. For a couple of days I was rather bummed out (a sample comments: "He's kind of a dick in his emails").

After reading through Rate Your Students, though, I realized the similarity of my experience to other college teachers and learned to take the evaluations for what they are (fairly meaningless).

I'm still surprised that this crude, inaccurate "tool" is used in actual hiring decisions. There is a pretty clear pattern among my students: if they did well in the class, I was a good TA; if they did poorly, I was a bad TA. Not to beat a dead horse, but the student-as-consumer mentality is clearly present in my experience. There is a sense of entitlement; if I show up to most classes, turn in my assignments, and do some of the reading, clear I deserve no less than a B+!

I find it hard to believe that college administrators (let alone tenured faculty members on the tenure committees) don't understand this. So why can't we do some simple statistics for student evaluations, if they are going to be considered in tenure decisions? It's not that difficult.

The null hypothesis is that there is a positive correlation with grade and rating: as the grade increases, the evaluation of the teacher will increase. We can easily maintain the anonymity of student evaluations by simply having them enter their ID number into the evaluation. Their final grade will then be associated with their evaluation. If the pattern holds up (and we can't reject the null hypothesis), the evaluations are a wash. They don't tell us anything. But deviations from the predicted pattern could indicate something relatively significant.

Professors who have students who receive lower grades but still get high marks on evaluations are probably fairly good at teaching. Similarly, professors who have students with high grades giving low marks on evaluations probably are not good at teaching. This seems so obvious that I shouldn't even have to describe this method.

But if junior faculty have to worry about student evaluations for their tenure decisions, we should recognize the relative arbitrariness of the evaluations. Such important decisions should not be based on 18-year-olds who were the big fish in the little pond in high school but find out in their first semester that they actually have to work to earn a grade, and thus take out their frustrations on evaluations.

If Another Dejected Idealist Comes In The Door, We're Going to Get Busted By the Fire Marshal

Dear President,

Congratulations on completing your first year. Perhaps there is hope for this university yet. After six years of community service in education, and voluntarily choosing to relinquish a six-figure package to spend time with my kids and family, I resign. I will continue to be involved in education and learning because the prostitution of our education system angers me to no end.

Rapid growth in student body and tuition revenue while increasing the layers of bureaucracy, increasing faculty workloads (see letter to Dean below), and adopting the latest greatest trends will lead to adverse selection in the student body and faculty attrition. From what I have seen you do not seem to be the kind of person who would voluntarily reduce academic standards, and pay heed to student needs to the exclusion of faculty needs; however, those around you seem to have a slightly different agenda. We are a society enslaved by benchmarks. Be careful how they are used - garbage in, garbage out. You give me hope that this institution may have better things in store.

***********

Dear Students,

It has been a truly enlightening and a frightening experience to teach you these few years.

I have become enlightened to the challenges some of you face - some of them are challenges every student has faced, others are unique to one. Please do not forget that your teachers occupied seats in the classroom once, and that our relationship while a formal one need not be adversarial. Most of your teachers are there to guide your learning, but you must immerse yourselves in the experience to get the most out of it. It has been frightening to see the attempts some of you make at trying to work the system, the professor, the classmate. While this may be symptomatic of a wider societal issue, if only you spent of this energy more productively on task. It is not always about placing blame on someone else. Take some responsibility for your actions and choices.

Fortunately, some have brighter futures than their classmates. For the first time in all these years, it was this semester that some of you actually appreciated and believed that you could do something for which I believe you have had the capacity. Thank you for sharing your honest recognition of this fact with me using your anonymous writing exercise.

***********

Dear Dean,

Who are you, really?

Are you the same person who was so enamored of my analogy that an educational experience should not be a trip to the fast food joint, but more like dining at a fine restaurant? An experience that one may not appreciate all at once in its immediacy. A culinary delight one pines for only after one has savored a few different meals with their exquisite blend of aroma, taste, texture, and the warm glow they impart to one's inner and external countenance. A place which one leaves richer for the experience.

Or, are you the individual who wrote me a note stating that our most effective teachers are characterized by high fill rates, low withdrawal rates and positive student evaluations?

Or, are you the individual who rapidly sided with a parent who accused me of having ridiculed his son's name with racist and terrorist undertones after I refused to discuss his son's class standing with him? Whose story seemed more believable because he was an educator who remained calm during your phone call to him?

Or, perhaps you are the leader of a college that insists that my tenure-track colleagues accept a 4-4 load with scholarship and research requirements when the rest of the University seems to be actually a bit more reasonable. Adverse selection will affect your college sooner rather than later if you keep this up. You will lose the good faculty and end up with clones of yourself - those who will do the politically needful and play the game.You have been a disappointment.

***********

Dear Chair,

With each passing year since you arrived on campus as a corporate retiree, the department seems to have taken a few steps forward and then some backwards.

We have added programs, but then we have allowed less than qualified entrants to populate them in an effort to grow the program. What happened to quality and exclusivity? You are supposed to be a quality expert.

You lack spine to take a stand for your people. Even though you lead one of the largest departments on campus, you do not stand firm on issues. In fact, you would prefer the faculty in the department keep a low profile and not rock the boat. Why the avoidance syndrome? Of course, you may be cozy with the dean after your overseas summer trips to internationalize programs and attract unsuspecting students to this university.

As a numbers guy, you seem to have forgotten that numbers tell stories, and the stories might not always be as obvious as one might believe. Do you really believe that students who come in with below national average scores suddenly become much better students at our institution? How did we manage to attract all the "best" teaching faculty with at or below state average departmental compensation? Was it the work environment? Or, could it be that the teaching effectiveness is a result of some other phenomenon?

Can't The Kids Work the Email Thingy?

T - I am sick and tired of you and your "paper." It was due a month ago. You gave me sob stories about your tragic life this semester and I relented and offered to accept your paper for partial credit. That's when the fun began. At least two emails a week that you claimed had the paper attached. But, there was never any "paper" attached. Are you a moron who can not figure out how to attach something to an email? Why have you not simply handed it to me during one of the many classes we have had since? I suspect there actually is no paper. Why the charade, then? Why do you keep emailing me with a nonexistent paper? Now, today, on the day of our final exam, I get yet another of your emails. No paper. Forget it. I no longer care. You have had ample opportunity to deal with this problem. Now I wash my hands of it. You get an F. Deal with it.

L - I assume that the fact that you need to take your final exam in a specially arranged place and time is not news to you. To email me after midnight the night before the exam asking me to make the necessary arrangements is absurd. Are you under the impression that everyone at the school sits up all night waiting to hear from you so that we can all make last minute arrangements just for you? I don't care that your home life is "hectic." So is mine. In the last week, I have needed to purchase a new car (and get it inspected and registered), have my oven fixed, have the water meter changed, and have my house treated for termites. All while trying to write final exams and grade crappy papers turned in by your contemporaries. But, no worries, I don't mind running all over campus to set up an exam just for you. Yeah, right! You'll just have to take the exam at the scheduled place and time. Maybe you'll at least learn not to procrastinate. Lord knows you haven't learned anything else in my class this semester.

My Grandfather Died and All I Got Was This Lousy Grade

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your grandfather, which caused you to miss an entire month’s worth of class. I would have sent them when he actually died in February, but since the first I heard about it was last week in your grade grievance report, I was unable to do so.

You know, for a student who will receive a D- in a research course, you have become suddenly adept at locating the department office, the email address of the chair, and copies of months-old correspondence which I never received and therefore did not acknowledge. Well, hey. Perhaps you’ve learned something after all.

In your many emails, which as of today I am beginning to delete without even opening, you have addressed your utter shock that a rough draft was due while you were gone despite the fact that the turn-in date appeared on the syllabus I gave you on January and has been available online ever since; your sudden, deep concern over heinously low paper grades which have also been online since the day I handed them back in class; and your disbelief that I did not receive an email which you sent to the wrong address. However, no single aspect of this sudden burst of correspondence captures the source of your wonderful D- better than this sentence from your own hands: “I didn’t think attending your class was important that day because we were only talking about our paper topics.”

It’s really, hugely, mega-sad that this one grade might be “the deciding factor as to whether or not (you) return to college next year,” but seeing as holding to the evaluation you’ve earned will neither send you to a rice paddy nor necessarily doom you to a life of collecting used cigarette butts for a living, I think I can live with it.

I know it’s tough to lose a family member. My grandmother died when I was exactly your age. During finals week, as a matter of fact. My professors were generous and flexible, and made alternate arrangements with me to make up tests and papers.

You know why? Because for an entire semester, I had made it clear via showing up to class, turning in assignments on time that weren’t half-assed, and actively participating in discussions that I actually gave a rat’s ass about my own education. And when an emergency situation arose, I dealt with it like an adult. I went to my professors immediately, used their correct email address, apologized for the inconvenience I was creating instead of issuing orders, and then called them, spoke to them before or after class, or went to see them on their office hours to follow up. An amazing thing happened. They treated me like an adult in turn.

I’m sure that when you are forced to explain your grade to your parents and sniffle about this to your frat brothers which you once for three paragraphs described as “defining you,” you will no doubt announce that your English teacher gave you a D- because your grandfather died. But I will tell you this. Last week, when the department chair contacted me about your unhappiness with your grade on the day before I was scheduled to move across five states, I still, with an entire apartment to clean, my life packed into a car, and my Internet connection due to expire within hours, dug out my gradebook which detailed your many absences, and for an hour filled the chair in on a few facts which you conveniently left out of your description of the massive injustice you are suffering at my hands.

Wow. Those adult skills sure do still come in handy.

I might not return to teaching in my new hometown. Thanks for reminding me why.

Where We Finish Up the Plumber Posts

We continue to get mail about the plumber posts. We've selected some representative comments to finish off the discussion:

• I’ve met quite a few people in my life who did not have a college degree, but bless their little hearts, they managed to become good parents and damn good citizens anyway. There are too many people attending college who should not be there. Actually, I don’t know where they need to be since learning a trade is not a walk in the park either. After graduating high school, where does one go in order to prep for a job when they lack listening, reading, and writing skills?


• I agree with the Plumber post. The point isn't to say that plumbers and other kinds of technical workers shouldn't know about world politics, philosophy and the proper use of the semi-colon, rather the point is that forcing college on students for whom it isn't a good fit is pointless and cruel. Every day I deal with students at my community college who would rather be working at a normal 9-5 job that puts food on the table and pays a modest mortgage. They feel forced to go to college just to maintain a lifestyle similar to their parents who are plumbers and secretaries. That is wrong. People without the desire and/or aptitude for college ought not be forced to go to college just to attain a modest version of whatever has become of the American Dream. Working hard and doing a good job at your job ought to be enough. The problem with forcing them to go to college is that when they fail, and they often do, they see themselves as 'failures' at life, which harms them in all areas of their lives.


• So let me get this straight. You want every person to go to college in order to "acquire necessary skills to be a good citizen," and to learn "a little bit" of all fields of knowledge. Why, all this time I thought primary and secondary education were supposed to do just that. How silly of me.


• Students are here to learn, certainly, and we need to do our best to facilitate that. But if they come to gain skills and knowledge in a particular area and aren't up to the task, they should drop out and do something useful with their time and money, like learning to become a tradesperson where they can make decent money doing something they might actually be good at. Assuming that our would-be plumber could gain anything from taking the odd class in critical thinking, economics and geography other than a huge, unnecessary debt is patronizing.

Another Professor Lost

Dear Dean, Department Chair and my Small Town College President (who hit on me before he knew who I was and where I worked),

I quit. I’m done with the lack of parity and lack of respect. I’m done being your dancing monkey for chump change. I’m done with these poor morons who sit in my class and laugh at my half-baked jokes made at their expense. Don’t think I don’t notice the nepotism, favoritism, and outright sexism in your departments. I choose to not be a part of it. When you open your next full-time position (what’ll it be, 2010?) I won’t be there to give a “teaching demonstration” for your self-serving pleasure. The way you all sat there and grinned like Cheshires at me as I tried to get you to think outside of your respective pedagogic boxes was deplorable. Now you act as though it never happened when we pass in the hall, and that is even more painful.

I am sorry I don’t own a pair of testicles. Apparently you have to have them to get any respect in your institution. I would love to teach something other than bonehead classes, but I evidently lack the proper appendage, and furthermore, I am unwilling to affect a badass feministic attitude to fit in.

I leave you this: your students are lost, cynical, and under prepared to be proper human beings. I tried to instill in them a sense of wonder and human-sense. Many of them complained that I didn’t teach more classes at your institution. What could I do but shrug and recommend they take one of my tenured, ego-inflated, stuck-in-the-60s, self-obsessed colleagues? They’ve got job security and an office to hold hours in and money to burn; let them deal with the plagiarists and potheads. I’m out.

I’m off to dress up in a clown suit to twist animal balloons for six-year-olds. I’m sure my current CV will suffice.

Yours,

A Dejected Idealist

Monday Miscellany : Or, Too Much Sun and Sangria Gets In The Way of Making Up Clever Headline

• What a lovely surprise to find your final paper in my mailbox on time for once. Of course, the fact that I have neither seen nor heard from you for the previous two months means that you are going to FAIL FAIL FAIL, but I guess it's nice that you put the effort into this final paper for no apparent reason but your own scholastic improvement (actually, I'm pretty sure that you probably didn't write this paper, but I'm not even going to bother to check--your grade is that far gone). The last time you stopped by the classroom in early March, I asked you if you were aware of the attendance policy. You assured me you were. Why then, you proceeded to miss the next fifteen classes and then hand in a final paper, as though you thought you would pass, is beyond me. Did you think I wasn't serious? Did you think I wouldn't notice?


• Sure. Come on in. With graduation over and my books all in boxes, there's nothing I'd like to do more than go through stacks of files and find a shitty paper you got a C on in February to "walk you through it." We may just make a day of it. Have you brought a Red Bull? Or a sedative?


• Dear students who never came to office hours, never emailed me, never showed the slightest concern for the class and are now frantically emailing me to ask about their final grades, NO. I will not send you your grades early. I will not hurry to let you know how you did in a class you blew off. Moreover, I'm not going to email you your grades just so you can email me back about how unfair they are. NO. Now leave me alone. You were doing so well with that until now.


• Wait. What happened to me being your favorite professor, the most understanding one you've ever had? Because I found the website where you stole your final essay from I'm suddenly a bad guy? Well so be it. If this is my cross, I'll be okay. You, on the other hand. Well, I'll let you figure it out.


• Seriously, these are your final papers? We spent all semester learning about writing and researching. We talked about the concept of the thesis until we were hoarse. We discussed organization until there was nothing left to say. I stood in front of the room and lectured about the importance of citation until I was blue in the face. And you turn in these crappy, poorly researched, faintly argued, horrendously formatted papers? Perhaps there has been some error. Perhaps you all accidentally turned in the papers you wrote for your seventh grade Language Arts class? I'll be honest--it's difficult not to take this drivel personally. But hey, I guess you made your choices. Enjoy your grades. And no, we can't talk about them.

Okay, Maybe College IS for Everyone

I am rather annoyed by the "plumber" post.

Okay, we have plenty of students who do not deserve to be in college -- but here they are, and it is our job to get them educated. And who has the right to say a plumber doesn't need to know a little bit of politics, geography, economics, history, international affairs, critical thinking, etc... ??

After all, college education is not vocational training. I would like to see all future plumbers get a college degree, not for their profession per se, but to acquire the necessary skills to be a good citizen (so that we could expect more informed political engagement in our society, you know).

Bad students are everywhere, but the solution is not to give up on them. They won't disappear in the world just because you decided to give up.

It's Never Easy

Remind me to never again celebrate the end of the semester before the semester actually ends. I am convinced that it was a trip to a local restaurant to celebrate the end of classes that is responsible for my fate - the end of the semester from hell.

First, there was the student who accused me of not offering him enough opportunities to do well and asked for make-ups - on the last day of class. Then there were the repeated emails asking again about the final paper and the endless meetings - does this sound okay, how about this, what exactly do you want?

But, as if it was their responsibility to remind me that I wasn't yet off the hook, there were the two students with last minutes requests to proofread their drafts. The first arrived almost 36 hours before it was due. At our meeting this morning, to discuss my feedback, the student looked so sad that it wasn't perfect and he had more work to do, and stunned that I noticed that he'd increased the font, and the margins, and conveiently stuck extra spaces between the paragraphs (like I was never an undergrad, they let me skip right to my PhD program?!).

The second student sent her paper just over 24 hours before the due date. She requested that if I couldn't meet with her late this afternoon (which I can't, imagine that!), that I just send my comments to her via email because she really wants to do well on this paper, but her finance final has to take priority right now.

Finally, this afternoon, with all those monkeys off my back, one of my star-students walked into my office. The end is near, I thought, and what a nice way to end it. She smiled and made small talk and handed me her paper, almost 20 hours before it was due. I smiled back, said goodbye, and sat down to read "a good paper." Well, the paper wasn't that good, and the one sentence that really nailed the particular subject matter stood out like a sore thumb. I googled it, and up it came, verbatim, written by an old colleague from my graduate program.

I only have ONE MORE DAY until the semester ends. Please, just let it end in peace.

Not Wistful, But in Possession Of an Improved Water Heater

As I am leaving academe as of the end of this semester, I just finished grading my last set of exams ever. Did I feel wistful or sad that this would likely be the last time I grade anything ever again? In a word, NO.

In fact, the experience once again reinforced my overall opinion of the quality most college students these days, and why I am glad to be leaving. Granted these exams were for my freshman-level, gen-ed U.S. Govt course, but I still have to wonder how most of these people got into college and why they even bother.

At the age of 35, am I just an old geezer who thinks my peers were better overall when I was a college student 15-16 years ago, even if they really weren't? (You know, "back in my day!") Or are today's college students, in the aggregate, of a lesser quality than they were 15 or 20 years ago? If so, it validates what I've believed for a long time--too many kids are going college who don't want (or need) to be there, and who wouldn't otherwise succeed in college were it not for market pressures on colleges and universities to "recruit and retain" at all costs. Add to that the societal pressures bearing down on the kids themselves that tell them if they don't get a college degree then they will be losers for the rest of their lives, which is complete and utter bullshit.

Case in point, last week a plumber came to my house to fix my broken water heater. A simple part needed to be replaced. For less than 20 minutes of work, he charged me $75!!! I'm sure the guy didn't have a college degree, and maybe not even a high school diploma. My point is we should stop telling kids to go to college who don't belong there for whatever reason. Kids who can't put a sentence together (you know--subject, verb, object), much less a paragraph, don't belong in college. Kids who can't read don't belong in college. Kids who are afraid of simple arithmetic don't belong in college.

Most of all, kids who view college as simply a social experience, where learning is a waste of time and professors are superfluous pains-in-the-ass, and that produces a worthless piece of paper at the end of four years for little or no work on their parts don't belong in college!

It Does No Good To Wonder These Things. Oh Never Mind. It is a Little Fun. What Else Are We Going to Do? Grade?

After spending the afternoon meeting with my students, I started to wonder if they give the same kinds of excuses in other settings.

• At the dentist, when informed they have several cavities:
  "But all my other dentists said it wasn't really that important to brush every single tooth."


• To the umpire, after the third strike:
  "I really think I hit the ball correctly. Can you check it again?"


• After being stopped for speeding:
  "I don't think you're taking into consideration all the times over the past four months that I haven't broken the speed limit."


• When given a court date to protest that speeding ticket--let's say it's Tuesday the 8th of some month or other:
  "I'll be there on Wednesday."


• On the phone with the bank, after finding a bounced check charge on a statement:
  "I really meant to go back and deposit some money in my account after I wrote the checks, but I forgot. I don't think I should be penalized for such a small mistake."


• When caught exiting a store with several items of merchandise shoved down his or her pants:
  "I'm willing to go back to the cash register and pay for these."


• From the typical essay plagiarist to the police when he is caught in someone else's house in the middle of the night, with a flashlight and a big cartoon-burglar sack full of the inhabitants' possessions:
  "Can you show me where I went wrong?"

On Being Jaded

I never questioned the legitimacy of Professor Pollyanna, but like some of your other follow-up comments, I also wonder who this person is (not her identity, but how she maintains that positive attitude).

I just finished my 5th year on the tenure track and am already jaded. Maybe it's the university where I work, or the fact that I teach a BIG freshman general education course every semester, but I cannot make those sweeping statements of admiration about my students. Of course, there are a handful of excellent students who work hard and even thank me for making time to meet with them and hold review sessions. Then there are some other students.

This semester: I caught a senior plagiarizing on a paper (which helped to sabotage this student's graduation, since s/he failed my course), had several obnoxious students who TALKED in every class, despite my singling them out in front of their classmates, have had no less than four emails questioning final grades, despite opportunities for extra credit AND curves on two exams ("In view of the fact that it is so close to the point requirement would you consider a grade adjustment to a B+ by the quality of work submitted during the semester, good communication, and perfect attendance." What?? This student was in the middle of the "B" range!)

The students at my university wear even the most positive person thin (and I am a happy, positive person who truly loves teaching). In all of these cases, its the total lack of respect on the part of the students that puts me over the edge. I am the type of professor who bends over backwards to help students and give them breaks, but most of them don't appreciate it and only ask for more.

So, to Dr. Happy-Go-Lucky who cherishes evaluations from his/her "little treasures," all I can say is that you must have a very different group of students than I do, or you are the happiest, most positive person on the face of the earth. For the rest of us, (even those of us with a positive outlook), it's not always so easy.

Questions and Answers With Professor Snippy

Q: I'm having trouble finding an article. Can you suggest a topic?

A: Yes. Look up time travel. Find one that describes the implementation of a time machine. Construct the time machine. Travel back to March 23, 2007 when the project was assigned. Kick your past-self in the head for waiting until MAY to tell me you are having trouble find a topic. Then, get back in your time machine, travel back in your own history far enough to kick yourself in the head at a point in your childhood development when you first became a procrastinator. Repeat until you come to conclusion that when a six week project is assigned, it is probably really a six week project.

Q: Do we really have to take the final?

A: No, you can just sit and spin instead, if you like.

Q: My dad is here to help me move out of the dorm. Do you mind if he comes to the final exam?

A: No, I don't mind at all. But please make sure that while he visits you do your regular routine, okay? Act petulant. Dress like a $9 whore. Talk to your "girls" while I'm giving the final instructions. Oh, and make sure you're a little high, too. That's my favorite.

"The Stupid Tax" - Real Letters From Real Professors

Dear P,

I understand that you still do not agree that turning in the same paper for two classes constitutes plagiarism. As I tried to indicate to you in our meeting yesterday, this is not a judgment call since the university's plagiarism policy is quite explicit on this matter. I also understand that you believe that many of your fellow students have done the same thing and gotten away with it. While this may be true, they at least had the presence of mind to take the other professor's name and course number off the paper before handing it in to me for my class. So while you may be right that it is "not fair," I would suggest that it is just. You are paying what I like to call the stupid tax.

Best of luck with the disciplinary committee.

Short of Chaining the Doors, There's Nothing to Stop Exam-ers from Getting Back to the Playstation

I have been teaching at a not so selective state research university for ten years. In the beginning, students in my freshman and remedial classes would often turn in their exams 20 minutes or more before the end of class. Not only were they getting many problems wrong, some had not even tried all the problems! I started insisting they stay, refusing to take their test papers until the last 5 minutes or so. I even told some classes that my department had a rule that students could not leave the final exam room early. I am now able to convince my students of the importance of staying for the entire time without such draconian measures. (It is rare that I have a student who really can finish early.)

However, it is a continual struggle and many of my colleagues tell me this problem is common even at the junior and senior level, especially in large lecture sections. (My classes are 35 or smaller.) I can understand a student who does not study enough - either because of laziness or external demands. But, why would a B/C/D student not use the time allotted?

You are already up and out of bed, why not do your best? You might find a mistake or recall something you forgot or you might - gasp - figure something out for yourself!

On Civility

We NEVER link outside of these pages. But a spectacular article called Remedial Civility Training appears in the Chronicle today. We love the Chronicle, of course, and this piece fits so neatly with our own ethos, we knew you'd be interested.

The author, a longtime contributor to the Chronicle's "Careers" section, is the pseudonymous Tommy "Boom Boom" Benton, but his real identity is easily found, and he's a professor at small liberal arts college, the kind of place where the adjective "idyllic" is often attached. So his take on things is startling. Enjoy it.

Some flava:

I don't understand students who are so self-absorbed that they don't think their professors' opinion of them (and, hence, their grades) will be affected by those kinds of behaviors, or by remarks like, "I'm only taking this class because I am required to." One would think that the dimmest of them would at least be bright enough to pretend to be a good student.

Persistent Pounding on Professor Pollyanna

Like many of your readers, I was taken aback--gagged, really--by Professor Pollyanna's sunshine-and-puppy-dogs comments. What bothered me more than the patronizing, infantilizing description of her adult students as "little treasures" was the claim that her students are "bright, shining lights of pure truth." Exactly what "truth" do these students represent?

I would suggest that a great many of our students are dark, shallow pits of deception. They lie to us, pulling from their grab-bag o' late-work excuses, tales of dead grandparents, stolen laptops, and short-lived but mortally virulent illnesses. But it's even worse than this. Our students don't just lie to us; they lie to themselves. They tell themselves they can work 40 hours a week tending bar, keep alive an active social life, and successfully complete a five-course load. They tell themselves that nothing important happens in class and so they're not missing anything when they're absent. They tell themselves that anything difficult isn't worth reading and that reading the materials that we have assigned is an optional, extra activity designed to keep the hard-core nerds busy and off the streets at night.

They tell themselves that college is about a diploma not an education and that it is a badge of honor to score a passing grade for a class in which they learned nothing. They tell themselves that they can assign our classes their lowest priority--just beneath flossing their teeth and volunteering to pick up litter on the highway--and still deserve a grade no lower than a B. They tell themselves that they know more about what they need to learn in our classes than we do and that it is unreasonable for us to expect them to put forth time and effort to learn material that they don't find interesting.

The problem is that our students are accomplished liars; they've been deceiving themselves for years. They don't trust the truths that I tell them: that a grade is earned, not received; that learning takes place in the classroom, not at the local bar or in front of the Playstation; that every class they miss means the loss of the essential skills required by the most lucrative, responsible, and socially respectable jobs; and that one day they will grow into full adulthood and regret deeply the educational opportunities they squandered because they thought that blogging on Facebook was a better use of their time than reading real books.

I like my job (most of the time) and like (most of) my students. But I do them no favor by lying to myself about what's really going on inside their heads. There's enough lying in my classroom already; a roses-and-rainbows idealization of my students would be a fatal addition to the group delusion.

Our use of a lovely photo of a young Hayley Mills (as Pollyanna), does not suggest in any way that we don't love Hayley Mills. Because we do. And Disney. We don't want the Disney mafia after us. Seriously.

People Can't Get Enough of the "Magic Swipe" Call for Posts. One Longtime Reader Has the Following Erasures to Make.

• I would erase the students who expect me to do their reading for them.


• I would erase administrators who believe in their own wisdon, due to their job title and ignore sane advice and tell lies to get their own way (usually to hire their friends).


• I would get rid of all the deadwood folks who believe that by beating their chests in meetings and anywhere else where there is an audience about the topic of research and scholarship, while not actually publishing anything.


• I would get rid of the faculty members who spend their time scheming and plotting, rather than teaching and publishing.


• I would erase the fools who are stupid and idle, but cannot be subject to criticism, due to the fact that they will scare the suits by claiming 'abuse' and 'prejudice.'


• I would erase the co-workers who are so imcompetent that I have to advise their students, because they keep cutting their office hours and even when they are there have nothing useful to say to students.


• I would erase the folks in ties who believe that having their students as buddies passes for an academic standard.


• I would erase the students who feel that they have 'entitlement' and the faculty who teach them such concepts (while showing a poor understanding of the concepts themselves).


• I would erase anyone who wears a tie too often.


• I would erase the faculty who will give a good grade for just handing in a paper or assignment.


• I would erase all the cheats and plagiarists.

We Do Jokes Only on April 1st. We're Not Clever Enough To Pull a Fast One Twice a Season.

Regarding the "Shame on You" post, which was the third entry from yesterday's "Er" post: Nobody believed it.

• Perhaps this person has final-exam brain-fry and is on strong-acting anti-psychotics that have blissed him or her out into a state of mindless idiocy.
• What kind of weed had you just inhaled before writing that? Anything that enhances your view of freshmen in such a way can't possibly be legal in my state.
• This author, I'll bet, has unicorn wallpaper and bunny slippers.
• Yikes. I'm an elementary school teacher, and that still made me want to throw up a little.
• You people made this up. Or else it was sent by the Captain of the Good Ship Lollypop who has access to much better mind-altering substances than the rest of us have.

In fact, more than half the folks who wrote in claimed we made it up. We're happy to say we didn't. We get email from this writer fairly regularly, but we hardly ever use it. In fact, we had to go to the pre-regime-change archives to find the poster's earliest appearance on RYS. (Note the gender on the old post was swapped to help shield identity.) This writer is legit, as far as we can tell, as her email matches with the school she claims to teach at. We've seen her webpage and her syllabi, and they are a sight to see, let us tell you.

And what's even more amazing is that some of the mail that came in overnight (it was a small percentage, thank goodness) supported her! Including: "It was nice to see someone turn their back on the cynicism and hate that passes for humor on your site," and "That's a teacher I want in my department," and "I second that emotion! I am so sick of professors who show their students disdain. This voice needs to be heard above the whine of all academic bloggers."

Seriously, folks, we can't make this shit up. So, for your enjoyment, here's Shame on You's first appearance on RYS:

• Cut the kids some slack, Professor. They are for the most part, funny, sensitive naifs who will surely amount to something great if we nurture and care for them. I was lost as a young man, and caring and sensitive teachers helped me find my own way. Your site is hurtful, but I can imagine your distrust of a system you clearly have been in for too many years. Give yourself and your students a fresh start. See them with new eyes. They are wondrous creations, and all of us who are called to teaching need to welcome them and help them discover their goodness. [from November 5, 2005]

One Reader Reaches Out to Yesterday's Professor Pollyanna. And, There's Charlton Heston Content!

• My students are bright, shining lights of pure truth . . .

Dear Professor Pollyanna:

Glad to hear your students are such little treasures, just in need of a little engagement” (despite the fact that the world of work, academia included, doesn’t give a damn how engaged you are as long as you show up and do what you are paid to do). It’s comforting to know that somewhere in this land there is such a gathering of tabula rasas just waiting to be written on.

Here at Generic Two-Year Community Junior Technical College we are not so lucky. We are an extension of the troubled public school system. While many of your students are pre-law, pre-business, maybe pre-med, many of mine are pre-Soylent Green, pre-prison, and pre-literacy. It is a safe bet that a number of them cannot read and understand the evaluation form. They have been trained to sit passively and try to absorb information without taking notes, without engaging in discussion, and without reading anything, ever. This is a place where the Socratic Method consists of my asking and answering my own questions.

They know nothing of teaching methodology or intellectual development. Their behavior shows they don’t know how to learn. They only know when they are happy or sad, entertained or bored. Are they qualified to judge my teaching? No.

Like Locusts, Plagiarists Emerge At Semester End

Dear Half of my Junior-level Writing Class:

You are a bright, responsibly, hardworking group of young people with whom it was a pleasure to spend Tuesday and Thursday afternoons this semester. You turned in assignments on time and completed to the best of your ability, attended class regularly, and entered into the spirit of the in-class group work, taking the time to do each activity as thoroughly as possible so that you could learn from it. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear Other Half of my Junior-level Writing Class:

You stupid little shits. When I added up grades-to-date last class, I observed that almost everyone in the class--even you, you slackers who rarely come to class, text during my lectures, and hand your work in late--could get at least a C, and everyone could pass with at least a D, provided you turned in a reasonably decent long report. Apparently that wasn't good enough for you, because you decided to copy your long reports off the Internet, earning yourselves F's in the course.

• CN, I may be the most disappointed in you. Your report on the structural design of the World Trade Center, complete with recommendations for how future skyscrapers could be built to withstand attacks such as those that occurred on September 11, 2001 was a well-written, thoroughly researched work of mature scholarship. How disappointed--but not surprised--was I to discover that it was the work of a mature scholar! Yes, it was an article, lifted lock, stock, and works cited page, from the web version of a structural engineering journal.
• On the other hand, perhaps I should be even more disappointed in you, KS. I was initially skeptical about your topic, journalistic ethics, since it's such a broad subject. Your constant talking to your friend, along with wardrobe choices that have given me a near-gynecological acquaintance with you, had given me the impression that you were not a particularly serious student. However, when we had that long conversation in the library and you explained how your dream was to be an entertainment reporter, and the focus of your report would be the ethics of entertainment journalism--to what extent does the public have a right to know the intimate details of celebrities' lives? As an entertainment journalist, how would you balance the conflicting demands of subjects' privacy and getting a good story? I thought, after that conversation, that your paper might be all right--you would be thinking about an issue of real importance in your chosen field, and that's what the assignment was all about. How surprised I was, then, to receive, instead of the paper we discussed, my very own copy of Wikipedia's entry on the subject "Journalistic Ethics."
• And then there's you, BP. You came to class every day, dressed nicely, participated in class....I would have assumed that you were part of the half of class I addressed at the beginning of this email. In fact, when you came into my office to hand in your paper, I even commented on how disheartening it was that so many of your classmates chose to cheat on their reports. I'll say this for you--you have an excellent poker face. That won't get you a passing grade in the course, though.

I was not born yesterday. Handing in a paper that you did not write does not just get you a grade of F in the class. It does not just cheat you out of a chance to learn. It also tells the teacher that you think s/he is a drooling moron. Recent psychological studies show that most people think others are about as intelligent as they are--so intelligent people think everyone is intelligent, and stupid people think everyone is stupid. I do not want to drive across a bridge designed by, work in a building built by, or live anywhere near a chemical plant supervised by, an engineer who is as dumb as you apparently think I am.

Waiting at The Door

I have read these pages with bemused indifference on and off. How can these people get so worked up, I often wonder? The kids are a hassle? Okay, not to worry.

But today was the straw on the camel's back, the finger out of the dyke, the last broken handle on the last decent coffee cup.

I get these emails this morning:

"Dr. R----, I went by your office today but you weren't there. I wanted to talk about my grade. I know they come out next week, and I thought you probably had already graded the final. I wanted to see what you thought the grade was now, and I wanted to tell you what I thought it needed to be. I don't know where you are, but I will come by your office again in another 30 minutes. Thanks."

"I did some extra credit for the class. I know you said there wasn't any, but I brought it by your office. You weren't there. I didn't know where you were, and couldn't find any of your colleges. Where can I turn it in? When will you be in your office today?"

Well, finals were a week ago. Office hours all over campus ended 2 weeks ago. I'm five states away, and not thinking at all about this or any other student. These two students successfully missed a total of 60 office hours this past semester (15 weeks and 4 hours a week). Why they expect to find me today is beyond me.

It's as if I wrote them: "Hey, students. I went by your dorm on Saturday night to see if you were working on your essays, but you weren't there."

Would I have been shocked? Why on earth are they?

A Point, Counterpoint, Er, And We Guess Another Point - On What 18-Year-Olds Can and Can't Know

• "...18-year-olds are usually in no position to know good teaching from bad..."
  [from May 6]

I cannot get over the utter ridiculousness of this statement. I understand the author's point, that there are those who abuse student evaluations, those who write absurd and useless comments, etc. but to not know good teaching as opposed to bad? Never.

I would argue that it is the professors themselves who are in the worst positions to evaluate their own teaching. When one is so incredibly knowledgeable about a subject, it is easy to forget that others aren't as well. The sole point of having a lecture is to convey information to others, in a clear way that is intelligible to those who don't already know everything about a topic. And it doesn't hurt to do it in a way that is not so mind-numbingly boring that the students' interest slips away after a mere 30 seconds.

I know that there is a strong tendency to blame the listener for not understanding; when I was a high school debater I always wanted to blame my judges for not paying attention, not being familiar enough with the topic, or just "not getting it" when I lost a round. I never wanted to consider that perhaps it was I who was at fault, that maybe I needed to be clearer and explain things more thoroughly.

Thoughts and ideas are always crystal clear to the one who forms them. The only ones who can tell you if you are articulating them comprehensibly are your students.

---

I can already see the mild and generous professors getting ready to line up against the comments from Sunday. I absolve not to view this page tomorrow, because some absolute idiot will write something like: "Freshmen are better judges of our teaching than the professors themselves."

My freshmen and sophomores don't understand anything about what it is I'm trying to do. How do I know? Because 10 years later, many of them come back and tell me. "I thought you were just some hardass," one former student told me. "We absolutely hated you and thought you were dumb as a post," another told me last year. "It didn't hit me until I was in grad school how much you did for me."

And I could list twenty more in a minute. Students fight me and hate me and think I'm a forgetful fool who is somehow so dense that I can't make their class easier and more fun. And when they become seniors and grad students, or when they go into industry, I hear from them. "I'm so sorry, Dr. K------," one of them wrote. "I wish every professor had given a damn to make me work so hard. I told everyone I knew NOT to take your class, and now I feel like I made a terrible mistake."

I have not drunk the "student as consumer" Kool-Aid. And I know that offering huge doses of low-impact edutainment may raise the "pleasure" of my students for that semester, but that in the end it does nothing for their long term understanding or education.

The thing is, I don't worry about my evaluationsbecause I know that it will be a few years before my students realize that I was doing ALL of it for them, to make them better, smarter, and more able to contend.

18 year old kids are fun, great, and I love seeing a new group each year. But they don't have any idea what I'm doing. Not yet.

---

Shame on you for allowing that cranky professor from Sunday to spread that hurtful and egotistic crap. Freshmen students know what they need, and they know whether a professor is being honest and helpful, or merely trying to get through the day.

I am so sick of the condescension that professors have for our beautiful, young students. My freshmen mean the world to me, and not only do I take their evaluations seriously, I make up extra questions for them so I can learn more.

We are forced at my college to take an Education workshop each year, and I learn far more from the student evaluations than I ever do at the workshop. My students are bright, shining lights of pure truth, and I've modified my class numerous times to meet their needs. This new generation needs more stimulation, and so I give them a more exciting presentation than perhaps my grad school instructors did for me. So be it.

The students are my little treasures, and their evaluations show that they appreciate me as much as I do them.

One Year Ago! A Flashback With an Update

One of our all time favorite posts came in a year ago today. It's one of our joys to offer this site up for the crazy variety of profs who come to vent and share. We still don't understand this fella, but we love his spirit.

We suspected he'd be feeling the same again as the school year wound down, so wesent a shout-out to him with this "flash back" post. Then last night we got an update, and it's every bit as cool as last year's.

2006

summer = research!!

woot!

no students, no administration

just sweet sweet mathematics

2007

thanks for the shout-out....and yes indeedy, i am ready for summer.

i've got a good idea and stacks of articles on harmonic analysis and Nevanlinna theory.

i've got a house in the mountains and a cable modem. i've got a grill and a whole cow's worth of rib eyes. and I have endless cases of beer.

once i finish grading finals, they won't see me 'til september....

One Last Swipe - If I Could Change One Thing...

Abolish anonymous student evaluations of teaching.

Doing this would greatly alleviate inappropriate "student-as-customer" attitudes. As pointed out often in this forum, 18-year-olds are usually in no position to know good teaching from bad, except in the most egregiously obvious cases of faculty dereliction of duty, as in professors who habitually show up late or not at all for class, or come completely unprepared.

Furthermore, the anonymity alone rankles me: I've always believed freedom of any kind, speech included, requires responsibility, and anonymity evades this.

If Only We Could Get the C+ Students So Involved

There is a special breed of student who irritates the hell out of me. They pop out immediately after grades are posted, trying to use their newfound powers of critical thinking against me.

I'm referring to the B+ student. There is always at least one student in my classes at the end of each semester who believes that I am in great error, and that he is, in fact, a superior writer, rather than the slightly above average thinker I've already judged him to be.

What seemed to be a reasonably responsive and participating student turns into a Machiavellian minor warlord, trying to out-maneuver me into admitting he really does have just those few extra points. The victory this student wants to declare is not over his grade alone, but over the entire teaching process--he clearly has more mastery of judging quality writing than I do. Getting a B+ is apparently like getting a backhand across the face.

I mean, obviously, that B+ can keep him from a number of important life goals, like love, peace and understanding. It's worth fighting over, dammit. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on him. After all, everything in his culture tells him that to be less than superior is to fail miserably. Most students either stare at me uncomprehendingly or slackjawed when I tell them that C = average, remember? It should be a compliment to be above average (B). It's tough to be superior. It ought to stand for something.

I ran his grade several times, making sure I wasn't screwing up; I actually expected him to get an A, and when he didn't, it surprised me. I listed out all the things that kept him from getting an A, because I knew he'd ask. I thought I was saving a step, and I probably was. I double checked his grade in spite of the fact that he wrote in several different assignments that he thought he was better than 101 and didn't see why he had to take it, and expected to breeze right through it. A B+ must be particularly deflating.

I expect this one has enough gumption to file for a grade review, where, I hope, he'll be taken to task. Grade reviews are successful only 3% of the time at my university, and they're usually accompanied by a self-esteem dashing list of all your faults as a writer that prevent you from getting whatever it was you asked for. I know most of the people that serve on the "blind" review. I've had my work judged by half of them. They take themselves very, very seriously. I can't wait.

I'll even make myself a drink and pull up my chair on the 50 yard line.

Dear Students, Curiosity-Seekers, Tomorrow’s Leaders, etc:

I sincerely hope you have enjoyed your “extended” Easter break. However, at the risk of sounding like the squarest schoolmarm on the block, I remind all of you that while you are not “graded” in this class on your attendance, absenteeism of the previous week’s sort can only increase the further likelihood of

1. Uneven assimilation of material covered in class.
2. Questionable performance on our sole remaining exam.
3. Greater schadenfreude on the part of the handful of your classmates who have been showing up and who are reading this now.
4. Entrenched cynicism on the part of your instructor, who doesn’t need any more, thank you very much --none of which can redound to your credit when grades are duly assigned at the end of the semester.

As a true Golden State native (and chauvinist), heaven knows I can appreciate the onset of balmy Spring weather and the prospect of eating the lotus rather than putting the shoulder to the wheel, but enough is enough already.

All kidding aside, folks, I must also point out that mass absences of this type can be construed as a disruption of the learning environment and as such may constitute a violation of the Student Conduct code, which you are all obliged to abide by. And while I have in the past invoked my own prerogative to notify the Dean of Students of such matters, I am reluctant to do so for reasons that need not concern us here.

Far less bureaucratic and more practical and energy-efficient is the simple expedient of …showing up for class. Do consider this, as our days are numbered.

ENGAGE,
Your instructor

A Lesson in the Life Habits and Proclivities of Professors - A Life Lesson for the "Little Lost Fishies."

Oh, little students, how could I so irresponsible -- so unutterably selfish and rude -- as to actually go AWAY for a weekend. I abandoned you, poor little lost fishies, leaving only a six-page syllabus and fourteen weeks' worth of class notes to guide you in your studies for our final exam.

Indeed, to travel to another state, to participate in a family event, when I should have KNOWN that you'd all need me, was thoughtless and inconsiderate.

I fully deserved the fifty-plus e-mails -- each more frantic than the last -- that accumulated over the twenty-four hours that I as unavailable to nurture your fragile egos.

Science H. Logic, people. Grow a friggin' spine and a sense of self-reliance. I am not your mommy or your baby-sitter, and I am entitled to actually have a life away from the university.

I have a toddler of my own. I HAVE to listen to him whine 24/7. They do not pay me enough to extend you the same privilege.

"POW!" Our Post of the Week. Pete the Poet Gets Way Out There. We Call It "Academic Haiku."

a student came

to my office hours

to collect his test;

i said

"you should come to class once in a while"

he said

"i didn't know we had to come

to class after the final"

i said

"the final's next week"

he said

nothing

but looked

shocked

No, No. Let Me Help You With That.

• "I know you said we had a paper due on Monday. Are you going to give us the assignment for it? If it's in the syllabus, I lost that awhile ago and I don't know how to use the class website to download a new one."
• "My mom is getting her kitchen re-done, and the man who is working cut the wrong wire. All of the power went out, and there have been like hundreds of people at my house trying to fix it. They finally got it back on at 2 AM, but I lost all of my paper...I only had two sentences left to write when the power went out. I can just turn it into you later this week, OK?"
• "Thanks for helping me find that article for my paper. You know how we emailed a link to the article to me? Well, I logged into my email and the article isn't there. Can you go find the article again and email it to me again? Or if you can't find it, can you find another article that might work for my topic and send that to me? The sooner you can send it, the better because I really need to get started!"
• "I don't know how to cite my sources in the bibliography, so I've attached links to the articles below. Could you put them into the right format for my bibliography and email them back to me? Thanks."
• “I had a lot of personal problems this semester and think you should consider how hard I have worked with so much stress going on in my life. I need a higher grade.”
• “My company will not reimburse me for my tuition unless I make a B or higher. Can you please help me?”
• “I will lose my Teaching Assistantship if I don’t make a B in this course. Please change my grade so that I can continue to work.”
• “I will be deported if you don’t bump up my grade to an A. My other prof wont speak to me about my grade in his class, so I hope you will change my grade in your class. You are a very good teacher. Please answer as quick as you can.”
• “Would you please re-grade (and add points) to my first test from last January? I need to have a higher semester course average.”
• “I have A’s in my other classes, could you please help me out and add extra points to my semester average so that I can obtain an A in your class, too?”

At This Time In The Semester, It's Best To Lay It On Thick

Hey there, (Because that certainly is the most appropriate way to greet a professor.) you should have known it was coming... is there any way... ANY POSSIBLE WAY... ANY WAY IN THE WORLD... I can make up the field assignment? I am so upset because I told you I had to have A's on all my upcoming assignments in order to get a B in the class. (And I should take that into account HOW?)

That already seemed impossible (I'm glad you are a realist.) but I was really going to do it and I really wanted to prove to you that I could. Well, I mainly wanted to prove it to myself because I was starting fresh. (So it wasn't about me at all; it was about you.) I was going to study study study every moment I had and now, I feel so hopeless. (Wow study every free moment? THIS I'd like to see.) I probably have to get a 100 on both the exams just to pull off a C+ now. (Probably.)

Can you please help me? Pleeease out of the kindess of your heart, I will do anything! Just please let me make up the field assignment, you name a time and I will have it done, I promise, I can e-mail it to you or bring it to your office or do whatever you want me to and it will be the best field assignment ever! (Wow. the best EVER?!) I promise.

And I won't tell anybody in the class about this, it will be just between me and you and I would be so grateful for this!! (Oh my gosh. A covert operation - how lucky am I to not have to abide by policies and ethics!) Please just think about it and put yourself in my shoes-- it was an honest mistake and I completely lost track of time. I had no idea it was due today but I'm more than willing to do what it takes to make it up. Please help!

"I Would Like Students To Turn Colors When They Lie." A Little Flava From The Magic Swipe Call for Posts.

• I would like students to turn colors when they lie...not subtle ears getting red or blushing, something more obvious--a greenish hue or purple polka dots. That would save lots of time. No more time listening to fake excuses because I'm too polite to say "Bullshit." No more laboring over plagiarism paperwork proof--I could just ask them and take a digital picture. No more pop quizzes to make sure they've done the reading. I could just ask them and take a picture for participation points. And maybe eventually, they would learn to just not bother lying.


• I'd give anything if someone would just bring us new copiers.


• I have forgotten how to wish for more realistic things. It has been beaten out of me. I've been teaching 5 years.


• A thermostat that works.


• I'd like the ability to eject students out of the room when they say stupid or offensive things. I'm imagining a catapult-desk of some kind and a big red button.


• I would fire all the employees at the Parking Office. Doesn't matter if you are a student, faculty, staff, custodial service, or provost -- they treat us all like shit. Going there make getting a driver's license a joy by comparison.


• I'd like a zombie doppelganger who could stand in for me at faculty meetings. (Preferably one who would occasionally fart and burp and fall over randomly - to show more of my disdain.)


• I would ban the use of Powerpoint for lectures.


• A F@#$%&ING TENURE-TRACK POSITION!


• I would use my swipe on enlarging my office. I know it may not be very useful to the college at large, but I'd be able to actually reach out my arms without touching both moldy walls. (Oh, and I'd like someone to get rid of the mold, too. I'm a dreamer.)


• Only the students that wanted to be here for the purpose of learning would be here.


• I'd like the guy who runs the textbook store to have less power than me, so he would stop emasculating me and all of my colleagues.


• I'd abolish the idea that students must be served whenever some need occurs to them. There's no reason why advising must be reduced to drive-through appointments or 10:00 pm email exchanges. Would it hurt students to learn to wait a day? To develop the patience that, in my day, was characteristic of the average elementary school student.


• I'd put all of the administrators on a bus, and have them circle the campus indefinitely. They could watch over the university, but would never fuck it up by actually doing anything.


• I'd resurrect the idea that the university is a place of ideas, learning and hierarchy - not a commercial, trend-of-the-moment enterprise designed to satisfy the customer, a 19-year-old who is "king." This would, of course, require firing of the pricey marketing and fund-raising consultants, who somehow never manage to earn their keep.


• I'd like to never see another freshman again - except on "Girls Gone Wild."


• I'd go for students who understand that adding to their human capital while in college has long-term dividends.


• Video phones to take student calls so I could see if sweet Missy really is at the hospital with her brother and not actually at a bar getting liquored up.


• I would send the HR Department (and all their supporters) to some as-yet-unknown circle of Hell.


• In my perfect world, my students would know what exactly my job is and how I am evaluated. They would realize that teaching is only one-third of my commitment to the university, and that the "little" things I do that they think make me great are not my job but what I do above and beyond the call of duty. They would learn what tenure is, and why my life is different than some of their other professors who have it. They would grasp that the teacher course evaluations that they fill out do matter and could cost me my chances of renewal and promotion. They would understand that while I am thrilled summer is here, it doesn't mean that I'm on vacation until August.


• It would be really nice to have warm water at the bathroom sinks.


• Close, FREE parking!!!!!
  

With One Magic Swipe, I Changed It: A Call for Posts

If you could change anything at your current institution (anything from students to administration to facilities, etc.), what would it be? It costs nothing. There's no political fallout.

Just a magic swipe and a new world to teach in.

What is it?

Our Favorite Salutation of the Month - Not That It Means We Understand It - "Dear Mr. Ingenious"

I have been reviewing some of the blog postings on your website. You make it sound as if ALL students are lazy and stupid. I have a few choice words for you; you may choose to delete this email right now or continue reading and suck it up like a man.

Yes, I have encountered students who are lazy, lie, cheat, etc. So what if they do all of the above and then some?!?! It's not like their education is personally costing you a damn thing! For those students who continually whine, "Oh, I forgot the assignment was due today, may I turn it in at a later date?" "I was at a frat party last night and participated in an orgy, now I've got hemorrhoids, sorry I can't come to class" b.s. excuses, just turn it off man!

If had not chosen a career as a professor and was working in another field, I guarantee you I would hear b.s. excuses from other people about missing work and/or not being productive. There's ALWAYS someone, somewhere at there who is NOT doing what they are supposed to do.

Whether it be on campus or in a normal work setting (ya know, the kind of work setting where people like you are not in charge) you will always find someone either slacking or cheating their way to the top.

Oh, and I bet you and your colleagues never cheated in college! Wanna know what I think...BULLSHIT! You have! But, you will never admit it! Now, here you are, belittling students for the same thing you did back in the stone age. Tsk tsk tsk!

Why don't you and the rest of the whiny professors go straight to the source of your problems THE STUDENTS instead of posting it on the internet? I am sure that you will accomplish a lot more.

A Letter Gets Sent!

Background: Student athlete realizes he is failing the class and decides to stop attending with the intention of dropping the class. He admits to not dropping the class before the "drop deadline" as it would take him below the required number of classes to maintain his scholarship because he already dropped another class because of his behavior.

So, he bypasses me, and then asks the Dean of Students to allow him to "late withdraw" from the course in week 15 (incredibly, the Dean is willing, with my permission, to allow this). Following a back-and-forth exchange too long for this blog, I send the final mea culpa:

Dear Student Athlete,

I have carefully considered your request, and have the following thoughts:

1. As a professor, I take my role as an educator very seriously. In placing a course syllabus before students, I offer a type of contract, which I uphold. I review this syllabus carefully with students and ensure it is available, both in the course packet and on the Internet.


2. As a student, your primary objective is to involve yourself in curriculum and make every effort to learn, especially in those courses required for your major. As a student athlete, it is incumbent upon you to balance the demands of athletic participation while placing your academic requirements first.


3. You missed approximately 40% of classes in the first two months of the semester. At no point did you inform me beforehand that you would be missing class due to athletic participation, make arrangements to find out what had happened in class those days, or communicate with me about any assignments that may be handed in late. To date, I have never seen you during scheduled office hours, nor have I spoken to you in person at any time.


4. When learning that your performance was below expected standards, your comments were that you had "missed a few classes" and had "almost no idea what's goin on" at that time. You attributed your missed classes and lowered performance to the sports schedule having been "kicked into high gear." However looking at your team schedule, I cannot see a consistent overlap between classes that you missed and mandatory travel to "away" games at other schools which would require you to miss class on those Tuesday or Thursday mornings.


5. When you learned that your performance was in deficit, you neither meet with me (after class or ever), nor did you immediately submit those assignments that you now "remember handing in." Instead, you waited a few days and sent me an e-mail, and actually missed class in between learning that your assignments were deficient and contacting me. Interestingly, in your first communication, you stated "I don't even know what these assignments are," yet later you stated that you "remember handing in different assignment." In either event, I have never seen these completed works.


6. As a scholarship holder, you are essentially being paid to do a job, and the requirements of that job are made quite clear in the form of expected level of performance.

Those points having been made, it is clear that you created a pattern of behavior for yourself this semester, with performance in more than one course lacking. This pattern is the result of choices you made this semester. Your approach towards class attendance policies, as well as existing and well documented deadlines for formal academic procedures, can be best described as cavalier.

I feel that the expectations placed upon you were quite clear, and not different than those placed on any of the other students in the course or major. However, your performance as a student, student-athlete, and scholarship recipient was not adequate. There is no doubt that you have failed to meet the requirements as outlined by the course syllabus. You failed to attended class, you failed to complete the documented course requirements, and you failed to make this enough of a priority to even drop the class when you were able to do so; these are all choices that you made.

I find this last-minute attempt to open up lines of communication and suddenly make this course a priority to be quite upsetting to say the least. Quite frankly, were this a job, we would not be having this communication, as you would have since been let go.

I am sorry that you placed yourself in this situation. However, under the circumstances that have transpired this semester, I cannot take part in any form of approval which would give you a special exception and allow you to withdraw from this class. Hopefully, this will serve as an important lesson in the future to be more responsible, better organized, more proactive, more interactive, and to better prioritize your demands.