Dear student athlete who sits in the front row with his legs apart: We do not put our hand on our crotch at school. We do not rest it there casually for the entire class period; nor do we reach down and have a vigorous scratch when the urge moves us. We keep our hand entirely out of our crotch for the entire fifty minutes of class.
If that is impossible for some reason, we go to the little boys' room and attend to whatever needs attending in our nether regions. (We are being spoken to as though we were in kindergarten because we should have learned this important lesson when we were, in fact, in kindergarten.)
Sincerely,
Your Professor
